We were talking about things last night and I really wanted to express my issues and how I fixed them, because in someways we are very similar. And I do hurt for all three of you. I want things to work out for you guys.
You and I both tend to get stuck on one thing or one group of things and it is very difficult to move past it.-Find something else to do. Set aside a time for you and 2 Rings to talk and then that's it. Let it go. If you want to bring up the same thing for the 20th time, find something else to do. It'll be hard at first, but soon you'll both be more receptive to what the other says, knowing that dead horse is going to be buried.
Doesn't mean you can't bring up and alternative solution to something you've beaten to death. IF you really think it may solve things. If you are just disguising it so that you can keep beating the horse, force yourself to move on.
I didn't want to share, because I was afraid I would lose something. I was afraid he didn't have enough time, energy, love to go around. I was afraid we would start to fall apart because he was with her so much. I was afraid things would no longer be special between us because he had this other woman, whom I didn't connect with, so I couldn't share in it.
That was the big thing for me. I am a full on give my all share in everything person in a relationship. I want to know all about your day even if all you did was play video games all day, because I love you so much, I don't want to miss out on any aspect of your life.
Kinda like when your kids are growing up and when they're getting to that point that they're gonna walk soon- you NEVER leave them alone, so you don't miss it. Wouldn't be terrible for the sitter to see their first steps.
WHY??? Why would that be so bad? Will they never walk again? Will they remember that the sitter saw their first steps and not you?
I started to really address things when I went to work. Because I HAD to priortize. I HAD to set things up so that time was equal and I was taken care of, and of course there would be time I would miss b/c I was at work.
I stopped trying to catagorize everything. I tried to make all of our time together special. Even if I was on muscle relaxers and flat on my back. We used that time to talk about the day. What did he and Cricket do? What would he like to do tonight? I no longer needed specified time to talk, I used any time available. I no longer needed to see his "first steps" every day, because some of it just wasn't as important as snuggle time.
Yes it is hard to grasp the concept of sharing. But when I started thinking about how to make our time together count, it made me see that he does have enough love to go around, because love is nourishment. If my love for him is whole and true, and he FEELS it and KNOWS it and SEES it in all that I do, then he has a full tank to give back to me, and to give to g/f. If her love is nourishment as well, Well then we have a pretty well fed, well loved man on our hands, and that makes us pretty damn lucky.
So when I got to that point I realized, it didn't have to be about her and me. I love Karma. I am married to Karma. I promised to take care of Karma, to make sure he never wanted. I want to always have his best interest in mind.
Which is where the more love thing came in.
Isn't it in his best interest to let him be loved and to love all the people he possibly could?
How selfish and uncaring of me, to want to restrict how much love he can have.
How am I taking care of him, if I am restricting the amount of emotional nourishment he can have?
It still takes scheduling and care. As near as Saturday I felt ignored and left behind, but that was a lot of my own fault for NOT COMMUNICATING MY NEEDS. Men are not mind readers, no matter how much they pretend to be.
We'll never be perfect. We're human. But if all actions are done in love, instead of spite and anger, who really loses?
When I give up some of my time b/c Cricket needs him, I get it back, when she decideds, they should spend their day here, b/c I'm in pain and need him. She and I weren't talking then. She put herself in a uncomfortable position, out of love for Karma. And knowing he wanted to be there for me.
A lot of careless selfish acts are removed from the equation, when all parties start acting in love.
You and MG don't have to ever talk again. But if you live life, making decisions based on your marriage, your health, 2 Rings health, and your love for him, you may find things become a lot easier to handle.