I'm not going to elaborate on the other thread. The purpose of it was to allow others who requested a thread "back in the day" to have a place to discuss the topic.
My divorce from Maca finalized in March. He played the asshole right to the end. Then, in August, he found out his girlfriend was sleeping around, a day or two prior to his birthday. Within a short period of time, he also found out he had some serious medical issues (damage to the carotid artery). There isn't a current plan for resolving it, because the local specialist surgeon says they aren't qualified to do the surgery. Now, all of a sudden, he is being nice. Go figure.
I'm not inclined to jump into the rat race of his bs. But, as a parent, I did let Sour Pea know what was going on with his health, what it means, etc., and left her the option of deciding how she would like to handle it. Her response was that she loves him (of course), and on the one hand, she would like to give him a hug and say she loved him, "in case he dies". But, she also said that she doesn't trust him to let it be JUST that. So she has chosen to remain no contact.
I worry about her regretting her choice. But, I also recognize in her a much clearer understanding of her inherent right to set personal boundaries. She understands that a personal boundary is her right to lay down, AND that a personal boundary is about limiting herself, not limiting other people. She is choosing the action she has a right to control, without asking anyone else to change their behavior. She impresses me. She is 13.
Her oldest sibling just turned 29. The oldest sibling has no end of pressure and guilt trips to go through, trying to manipulate the rest of us into forcing Sour Pea to reach out to Maca and make amends (for his choices and his actions and his abandonment of her). I have backed up Sour Pea without question. But really, the part that amazes me is that Sour Pea doesn't need my back up. (I am sure someday it will matter.) She knows her rights and is steadfast in them. She isn't confused about loving Maca. But she also understands that loving someone doesn't mean that you are required to allow them to abuse or take advantage of you. She gets that she can love him while also maintaining strict boundaries. It's outstanding to watch.
She told me this week that she is still angry that he (and the now ex-girlfriend) attempted to force her into believing lies. (I don't know the details of the lies. I wasn't privy to any of it. But she has been clear that it occurred since day one.) She says it makes her want to ask if they think she is stupid or if they are stupid. She also said that as much as she loves him, she is happier now and she doesn't want to "go back" to the way it was before, by inviting him back into her life.
Wow. Out of the mouths of babes.