I have a lot to say so bare with me please. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. We live together and have a 1 year old son who was planned. We have plans to have another child and buy a home in the near future.
My boyfriend's brother who we were both very close to recently passed and his mother also passed 3 years ago. Things have been different between us since the brother passed but I feel like we're both just mourning. My boyfriend has always been a little emotionally detached. Him and his ex were off and on for I think around 5 years. He's told me some things about her, not all good, and he was extremely hurt about their break up and everything before we got together.
Recently, my boyfriend began researching polyamory and told me that he is in love with 2 people. Me and his ex. He describes us as complete opposites of each other. He wants to reach out to her and have a relationship with each of us, both emotionally and physically. He feels as though he has made a self discovery that he's never been whole and that having both of us will make him whole.
I am extremely blind sided by all this. I'm trying to keep an open mind about it but I'm having major issues. I want to be with him. I love him and want him to be happy. But in the beginning of our relationship, he went behind my back and was contacting his ex for a month before I found out. He stopped contacting her and she still tried to reach out a few times before she finally stopped maybe 2 years ago. I feel like she has already disrespected our relationship by reaching out to him and I also feel that he has insinuated that the disrespect is ok by continuing the contact back then. I am not ok with him having a physical relationship with her. I told him that is he wants to talk to her and if that will make him feel better, then I am open to it. But that's not enough for him. He wants then to have a complete relationship outside of our life with her and have the physical part as well. He wants our relationship to be the primary relationship, and theirs to be secondary. I really don't know what to do and am completely crushed. I feel as though our entire relationship has been a fraud and knowing what I know now, I don't think we can go back to where we were before. He says he can't lose me and wants to stay with me but his decision is that he wants us both.
I just need some advice please. Sorry for the novel.
My boyfriend's brother who we were both very close to recently passed and his mother also passed 3 years ago. Things have been different between us since the brother passed but I feel like we're both just mourning. My boyfriend has always been a little emotionally detached. Him and his ex were off and on for I think around 5 years. He's told me some things about her, not all good, and he was extremely hurt about their break up and everything before we got together.
Recently, my boyfriend began researching polyamory and told me that he is in love with 2 people. Me and his ex. He describes us as complete opposites of each other. He wants to reach out to her and have a relationship with each of us, both emotionally and physically. He feels as though he has made a self discovery that he's never been whole and that having both of us will make him whole.
I am extremely blind sided by all this. I'm trying to keep an open mind about it but I'm having major issues. I want to be with him. I love him and want him to be happy. But in the beginning of our relationship, he went behind my back and was contacting his ex for a month before I found out. He stopped contacting her and she still tried to reach out a few times before she finally stopped maybe 2 years ago. I feel like she has already disrespected our relationship by reaching out to him and I also feel that he has insinuated that the disrespect is ok by continuing the contact back then. I am not ok with him having a physical relationship with her. I told him that is he wants to talk to her and if that will make him feel better, then I am open to it. But that's not enough for him. He wants then to have a complete relationship outside of our life with her and have the physical part as well. He wants our relationship to be the primary relationship, and theirs to be secondary. I really don't know what to do and am completely crushed. I feel as though our entire relationship has been a fraud and knowing what I know now, I don't think we can go back to where we were before. He says he can't lose me and wants to stay with me but his decision is that he wants us both.
I just need some advice please. Sorry for the novel.