SchrodingersCat
Active member
THIS is what actual love is about--being there for someone even when something goes wrong and they can no longer service you.
"Love" is about whatever two people agree it is. Love for Magdlyn is different than love for me, because I'm mostly asexual and she's more sexual. Also, we're not talking about an old married couple in their 80s, we're talking about a couple that's been together for a relatively short while.
OP's not saying it's as black+white as "No sex? Get out of my house." She's saying "something's changed." If he had a diagnosis for age-related dementia or depression, that would be a completely different issue. She would know exactly why the affection has died off. But if someone starts behaving completely differently for no reason discernible to you, are you supposed to just have infinite patience just because you "love" someone? So, she's here trying to learn if we can discern a reason that's hidden to her.
Our society places a lot of importance on a man's ability to bring home the bacon. Being the stay-at-home-dad is often looked down on, as though the man was incapable of making enough money and his woman had to go pick up the slack. Staying home with the kids is "women's work" and "women are the weaker sex" so being a SAHD makes you weak. That's totally bullshit of course, but it's the underlying narrative in our culture.
Lots of men are excellent SAHDs, and they enjoy it, and lots of women enjoy their careers and would sooner shoot themselves than stay home all day with a bunch of needy kids. But it still leaves a lot of men feeling emasculated. Societal pressure is high.
Another thing... whatever this event that triggered the low self-esteem, was that ever actually dealt with? You went from "I'm being patient" to "fast-forward, he moved in." What happened during fast-forward? Did he get help for his issue? Did he find resolution on his own?
I'm thinking he probably needs some therapy. There's the original self-esteem issue that doesn't seem to have been resolved, and there's the new issue of being a SAHD in a culture where men don't stay home with the kids. None of those mean there's something "wrong" with him, it just means he's got some thing to work through, and a professional is the person to help him work through them.