Redpepper's journey

Than you! I hope you realize how much you've helped people, me included, by just being there, being your non-judgmental, 'this is what works for me' self.

Happy forum-versary!
Oh my. Thanks. But I have my judgmental moments. A lot of stuff comes up so often I'm just used to it. :rolleyes:
 
I just realized, I have been on here for two years this month. What a roller coaster. Its paid off largely because of being here; participating, discovering a path that has worked for me, sharing, changing, growing. Its all been such a blessing to have seen people come and go. I've made some good friends and creating a community here that I cherish.

Thank you

Wow! Back at ya, RP!

This is amazing really...all of us connected in such a non-conventional way and yet looking out for each other for quite some time now.

It's been quite a journey so far :D

Like I said, it gives me a sense of optimism.

Next month will be 2 years for me too. (which means 2 years since I met you).

Awwww! Congrats, peeps!

What the hell would we have done without this forum?
 
Well, it was quite a weekend.

On Friday, Derby and I went out to a party that kept us up all night. We all stayed at a friend's house and slept in the same bed. Well, passed out in the same bed. Mono came to bed much later, as he thought Derby and I would get it on, but we were too spent by then and I, for one, thought Mono would be coming down to bed at any time. (I shouldn't have assumed, I should have asked him when he was intending to come to bed). Still, I got a loving cuddle in with my girl and that was really nice.

Mono came to bed at 6 and passed out. He was all over the place with his arms and legs. Heh, I don't want to get in trouble, so I won't go into more detail than that. But, I had to get out of bed and sleep on the floor, and Derby ended up cramped at one side of the bed, while Mono had the whole thing! :p We had a good laugh the next morning and teased him endlessly. :D I texted Derby's husband several times to tease him about the situation also.

Our friends, in their early-morning inhibition, helped by alcohol, confessed that they were worried about PN and I. It's not something I haven't heard before, but they were concerned that I might be upset that they had mentioned it. I wasn't at all. I like to know what people see from the outside. It helps me keep on top of things and access where we are at.

I explained to them that PN and I have a very different life together. He is mild-mannered, not a partier in terms of being up all night drinking and being a goof, and is very much a hermit and independent. He doesn't feel comfortable in a large house in the suburbs. It disturbs him to think of the forest that was cut down to create those excessive houses and finds it hard to imagine spending time there, when not three years ago he and I protested them being built.

They see it from where they sit as Mono and me being together and get that I would have Derby as a love, also. They think that PN and I tolerate each other, or deny each other attention and togetherness, an interesting mono way of looking at things. To them, in their life, being together every moment away from work is what one does. Everything is understood as "we" fulfil everything. I don't work like that, and neither does PN. I have a way of being that comes out when I am with PN and our friends. I am never not myself. I just move through different topics in a certain way.

Really, my loves have created in me the very person I want and strive to be. I am completely me when we are all together and when the world is just us. If any one of them were to leave, I would not be the true representation of myself. Sure, there are others that could create this, that I have accomplished. I don't doubt that change will come and things will shift, but for right now, everything fits.

I looked at PN last night at the party he and I went to. His socialness is more in a community of people that meditate, are spiritual, dancers, burners, more hippyish, environmental, activists, in a soft sense of the word, entirely different than the people I spent my time with on Friday night, yet very much the same.

At the party I went to with PN, he did his own thing, drank imported elderflower water, compared vegetarian curry recipes, how to prepare dorian fruit, and the best way to cook burdock root. The evening was a variety show of chanting and east Indian music, poetry and a local dj from an at a oxygen-pumped raver bar that serves no alcohol. It was VERY different than the night before, yet just as much a good time for me. PN would not have enjoyed my Friday night with Mono and Derby. The friends I spent time with Friday would not have enjoyed (would've likely been uncomfortable) my Saturday night with the people I spent time with then.

I think my poly really encapsulates my ability and desire for diversity in my life. I have never been part of a group and been isolated within it. I have always had a need to glide from one interest to another, one person to another. The parties I have had have never worked if I invite everyone, because the different groups just don't mesh when they are all together, or cause me so much anxiety at seeing everyone together that I get panic attacks. The loves I have chosen to be close to understand and are able to not judge different ways of being. I love this about them. It means that they love and accept different parts of me, too.

Yup, this weekend is ending with a whole lot of, "I am of this world and the world is of me," at least in this city, on this island, right now.
 
Your weekend sounds just perfect to me! I can totally relate to how poly fulfills your need for diversity and letting different parts of yourself come to the forefront with different loves. This is why poly works so beautifully for me, also! How lucky we both are to have found partners who love and support us in this! :)
 
I just changed my avatar profile to a giraffe eating a red pepper. I fell in love with the picture while looking for something else. I read the totem for it and it fit for me right now, so I thought I would post it. I'm not sure what it means, but whatever. Sometimes I do shit that I don't understand and it all comes to light at some point. :eek:

GIRAFFE
http://www.linsdomain.com/totems/pages/giraffe.htm


Farsightedness

People who have a Giraffe totem
often know the future.
They can sense what is going to happen,
what lies over the horizon.

Giraffe people should be very careful of
what they say.
Be sure you are not saying too much to
the wrong person, or in the reverse, too little.
Do not allow other's words to affect you.

Giraffes have their legs firmly planted on the earth but their heads in the sky.
This represents balance and the ability to progress.

Giraffe people should never become complacent and lose sight of the future.
Life will become increasingly difficult
until you set your sights once more on the path ahead.

Giraffes, and their people, have very strong ties to family and friends,
especially parents and children.
 
I felt compelled to comment on your weekend. What struck me is that you have reached a wonderful state of "allowing" within your family. This, for me, is polyamory at its most powerful. Of course, it's never going to be perfect, as our growth often lies in our struggles and seeming imperfections.

Please forgive me if I'm wrong about specifics, but from a spectator's point of view, this is what I see. I remember back to PN's struggles prior to Mono shifting in. He resisted it for some time. You wrote that he went through a period of just wanting his wife back. And yet, he was able to release his attachments. What a wonderful gift he has received in being free to fully explore his spirituality and 'greener' self.

You are both so different now, in many ways. Polyamory has allowed you both to fully experience who you are while, retaining the essence of your relationship. This is where monogamy falls down. Growth and change have to continually be curbed to fit within the established context. For many people, it just becomes too hard and they stop trying to jump out of their box.

Well done. :)
 
I remember back to PN's struggles prior to Mono shifting in. He resisted it for some time and I remember you wrote that he went through a period of just wanting his wife back. And yet he was able to release his attachments and what a wonderful gift he has received in being free to fully explore his spirituality and 'greener' self. You are both so different now in many ways and polyamory has allowed you both to fully experience who you are while retaining the essence of your relationship. This is where monogamy falls down. Growth and change have to continually be curbed to fit within the established context. For many people it just becomes too hard and they stop trying to jump out of their box.
Thanks, Sage. This is beautifully said! The bold is exactly what I feel has happened. PN has become more himself, and so have I. Yes, we have changed, but in such a way that has enhanced what was already there, but wasn't nurtured. Now we all find ways to encourage each other to be MORE ourselves.

We seek out for each other what makes us happy. I prompt Mono to make plans to ride, I point out mushroom events for PN, etc. It's almost like having compersion with everything they do. The more they are able to achieve their life's goals, the more I want to be there to walk the path with them.

The same goes for Derby and Leo. I might not get why something is so important to them, but I sure as hell will stand by them as they do it, because that is what makes them happy and in turn, what makes me happy. It rubs off, somehow. Really, once fear is taken out of the equation, there is no stopping the multitude of opportunities to thrive in relationship life.
 
Thanks Sage. This is beautifully said! The bold is exactly what I feel has happened. PN has become more himself and so have I... Yes, we have changed, but in such a way that has enhanced what was already there but wasn't nurtured. Now we all find ways to encourage each other to be MORE ourselves. We seek out for each other what makes us happy. I prompt Mono to make plans to ride, I point out mushroom events for PN, etc... its almost like having compersion with everything they do... The more they are able to achieve their life's goals, the more I want to be there to walk the path with them. Same goes for Derby and Leo also. I might not get why something is so important to them, but I sure as hell will stand by them as they do it, because that is what makes them happy and in turn what makes me happy... it rubs off some how. Really, once fear is taken out of the equation, there is no stopping the multitude of opportunities to thrive in relationship life.

Totally agree on this Sage!
 
I'm beginning to look forward to the summer, although it is also beginning to overwhelm me. I think it will be more clear when my show is over next week. Then I am making firm plans to get started on camping trips. We are hosting two trips and going to two more. That should be enough. There is always a shitload of stuff to do around here! We are actually leaving the island and the country this summer. :eek: I know. Crazy.

I am thinking about putting our camper van on the road this summer. Its a big hard top GMC, circa 1976. I love my van, but the gas will be a killer. Leo has agreed to look her over, as he is now officially done with work for a month, at the very least. (Who are we kidding? Likely, at that job, forever.) He will see if she is running smoothly and safely. Then I will plan some events for picnics, beach days, and camping. Wheeeee... Can't wait.

I really don't have anything to say about poly these days. I don't know if I should carry on writing this blog. I can't seem to find anything interesting to talk about, other than we are all humming along and doing fine. We seemed to have reached a plateau whereby everyone is doing their thing, being together, seeing each other when we can, making plans, and having fun.

It's been a breeze lately. I hope that doesn't mean its a calm before a storm. It is unlikely it will always be this way. Things never are smooth forever, but for now I'm enjoying it and smiling.
 
I feel the same way about my blog. There just isn't anything of any real interest to say, although everything running smoothly is definitely a good thing. :D

A year ago, that van was going to be your room. I think I like the room you have a whole lot better. At the very least, the lighting is preferable.
 
It was going to be my room, wasn't it? I even spent time in there to get away and to make a point that I needed a room. I now want it to rise up to its original glory somehow, or new glory, anyway. LB keeps asking to go out in it. When he was a wee thing he used to sit up with me in the car seat and we would listen to oldies in the radio (men in the back ;)). He loved that. We two sure have a travel bug! I can't wait to do some travelling with him! This is part of why I don't want to sell the ol' girl. We have had two offers this spring. But nope, not ready yet. :p
 
Are you kidding??? It is SO GREAT to hear "everything is going smoothly"!!! Isn't that the ideal?! Keep writing, it gives hope to so many :) (well, to me anyway!)
 
Yeah, as much as drama and conflict can make for a good read, I'd always rather hear that things are going well. Every time someone from the vanilla/mono world is like, but does that ever work? I often think of you and Mono, PN and Derby. I love seeing a tribe/group of relationships where the members are all on board, consenting and enjoying it. Not just in the poly world but with all the people I know, I see so many relationships (myself included) struggling or blowing up in people's faces. A healthy relationship in any lifestyle is something to celebrate. I know way more relationships in trouble than I do ones "going smoothly." So, cheers to good relationships!
 
Cheers to traveling too!!
That sounds like so much fun!

I love taking my boy for a long drive, we have the greatest talks, and he notices the coolest things! :)
 
Yeah, as much as drama and conflict can make for a good read, I'd always rather hear that things are going well. Every time someone from the vanilla/mono world is like, but does that ever work?


The drama is what we remember, and what others remember. It's the 'boring' everyday life that makes a relationship.

Maybe this is the time to blog about poly recipes. Many ingredients, many people who can cut them, and many people to eat the finished product.

When things are going well, I don't have time to blog. when things are miserable, especially when I'm not working, I blog too much. Ah, to find a balance.
 
I'm with the others here, especially Ray, I would much rather read about the every day, hum drum, lives of the people I'm growing very attached to.

I DO need to update my blog though, lol.
 
I'm with the others here, especially Ray, I would much rather read about the every day, hum drum, lives of the people I'm growing very attached to.

I DO need to update my blog though, lol.

I thought that's what Facebook was for. :D
 
Thanks, everyone. Yeah, I tend to go on and on on FB about the mundane and ordinary of life. I am such an open book, really. :p

This weekend I had a really fun night with Derby where we went dancing and watched a friend of mine get picked up. It made me sad-- end of story. I'm not even going there. ;)

I enjoyed smooching with Derby the whole night, but was a little fearful that it doesn't mean much. Stupid, I know, which is why I haven't brought it up Derby, as I know you are reading this. I guess I figure that kissing is not a big deal to her and therefore doesn't mean much when we kiss, but I know that is stupid, so I try not to go there. To me, it means a lot, that's all that matters. I don't just kiss anyone and neither does she, so I am good. :D Still, I woke up uneasy for a bit.

I think part of my mood upon waking was because I was a clumsy ass that night. I fell and hurt my knee quite badly, did a whole bunch of other clumsy things throughout the day, including throwing dip at LB by mistake, :eek: and clumsily talked about stuff too. Sometimes I should shut up and just be. Of course, I don't do that and end up feeling the fool. Sometimes I shouldn't think so much as it leads to fear. Fear leads to feeling overly vulnerable and trusting. And the cycle goes on. So I continue my self talk, to get out of it.

Yesterday I went for a ride with Mono and his friends. That was the first time. Of course, he didn't give me a ride. I was someone else's bitch yesterday. ;) I didn't mind, although I would much rather snuggle up to him than some guy I don't know, who was obviously not entirely comfortable with me. It was okay, though. He chatted and pointed stuff out along the way and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

I can definitely see the appeal and how it could be a very bonding experience, clinging on to the one you love, moving with the bike and working together against the wind and flow of it all, whatever you call that.:eek:

Today we had the family over for Easter tea. Egg hunt in the house as it rained. LB thought the Easter bunny came through the window, as it was open for a bit. He asked if I hide the eggs and I asked him what he thought, he said no. So I said it was up to him to decide what he thought happened. Same response to Santa this year.

We dyed eggs. We had a wonderful Alice in Wonderland tea that I baked for for hours last night and then my mum and I made our own hand cream (unrelated to Easter). It was a fun afternoon, very relaxed and everything flowed naturally.

Mono and PN work so well together to get things done and make everything nice. I had planned it all and was the director of events and they followed my direction to a tee. I was pleased and appreciative of their support and ability to let me be the boss on this one. This happens often and I so love the manner in which they conduct themselves together when I ask for their help. Sometimes its my turn to help and I try to do the same.

It all comes around, but more often than not, I am the one who arranges things and expects them to help out. They are so good about seeing how important family time is and being part of helping make it happen. It has meant a great deal to me that my parents can see that we are all happy and work well together. Mono hasn't been well the last few days and they can see that I am worried about him. My mum asked about that in front of PN and was concerned that someone I love is not well. It was a telling sign of where she is at and how much she now cares how we are doing. She supports our little family.

Off to watch a movie with Mono. PN danced up a storm last night and our date night was taken up by looking after LB. He slept in my bed and I in Mono's bed, in Mono's part of the house. PN had a date with his part time boyfriend last night. He is moving across country and that will likely be that. He had a really good time and woke up happy and content that he had some time to say goodbye.

I wanted to post something on another thread that I wrote by way of remembering. It's interesting how people perceive us when they don't know the whole story.
I like that people in our neighbourhood think Mono is our roommate/housemate. They kind of wonder why such an obviously attractive and available man would be single. But, meh. Whatever. No one says anything so openly, just talk about us behind our back when they see us all outside doing the garden or something.

It was interesting the other day when Mono's buddies came over with their bikes to take me on a ride. They think it's just me who lives there and that he is the tenant. They don't get why we don't live in the same part of the house and rent the suite. This time they saw my husband in the window and I said he was looking after LB. They probably think he came over for the day or something. I dunno, don't care, really. I'm fine with the mystery. By the time they know, they will see that we are all good and happy and it's normal to us.
 
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