I suggest you do some reading here Evan. If you really want her to come around to your way then I suggest you change your attitude entirely. No one is owned by anyone. No one is controlled by anyone. You cannot MAKE her bend to your will by playing games to convince her. If that is what you believe then I would be greatly surprised that you get the harem you think you deserve.
Right now all I think we can do, is get a threesome happening, and reflect on the feelings that come up afterwards, and go from there. The whole "harem" thing is just a far off fantasy. First I need to get down the rabbit hole. Then we see about staying or not.
You are reminding me of an old poster who believed he had a harem in Vegas. Turned out he was owned. He was controlled. He couldn't get a firm grip on his "girls" yet fought us on it at ever turn that he actually did.
Well the women in Vegas are far more experienced than the average bear. And many are cutthroat too.
This occurred because wouldn't you know it the women had brains, feelings, didn't want to be told what to do and who to do it with. They actually discovered that being there as his play thing was not fun after awhile and they wanted to get on to a life that was their own. He was more owned by his own perspective than anything else. He wouldn't let it go. Like a dog with a bone.
Very interesting food for thought (no pun intended
)
He lived a nightmare and would bring it here whenever it got too much for him. Whenever he had the urge to tell someone that one of his "girls" was a bitch for treating his gifts of a home, and someone to fuck with disrespect he'd be back to create threads about himself that only showed how self righteous and arrogant he was.
Mmm yeah I don't want to become that guy.
Not once did he realize that he created his own destiny by not honouring them as people in their own right. He simply barreled through every issue that came up and expected that they bend to his will and do as they were told.
I expect a lot of guys going into Poly think it's a harem deal. But really, honestly, whatever I said, I do not think that way. I am very respectful to women and giving them their autonomy. I just want to provide for them to enable them. I am not interested in disabling them. That said, if they are with me, they are inside my ruleset. And if they break my ruleset, they are still free to not be with me. But my ruleset is not disabling, or demotivating, or devaluing, or abusive, or possessive. The windows are always open in the birdhouse of my dreams.
I felt bad for him. I don't know how he ever faired in the end, but it looked like a sure call that he would end up lonely and alone and not know why.
I'd be scared about retaliation if you treat them that way. I'd be concerned the guy "dissappeared". Lot of holes in the desert.
Not saying this is you Evan, but you sure are painting yourself that way.
Ok, I trust your sincere point there. I will reflect on this.
Whether you mean to or not. If I described how things are with you through relaying my story about the old poster and you are okay with that, then good on you.
Oh my goodness, absolutely. Like I said before, I cannot be offended. I do try and point out to people when they are being offensive. But that's never because I am offended. It's because I'd like to help them learn how to not be so offensive. I'm cool.
If you are concerned that this might be like you and want to make a change then you might be in the right place.
Yes, I am concerned and I will write down the major points and do some discovery on them.
People here have a good bit of experience and knowledge. Not only that they are gracious enough to share it.
Completely, I know that everyone that I have rubbed the wrong way is valuable to me in many respects. And I respect their value. I just don't respect how some of them treated me. I know this is a new frontier, poly, but in time I would hope that we approach a public discussion forum like we do a family planning center. With sensitivity, and care. There can be a forum in here maybe for more sensitive discussions. Maybe that would be a good idea. Where blasting sincere posters is off limits for the sake of having neutral non-aggravating discussions.
If you want to change your perspective then you'll have to face the firing squad a bit to get to the point where people understand that you see some error in your perspective.
Fair enough. That's worth it.
This is not YOUR thread. Its a public thread on the internet. It belongs to anyone that reads it and cares to write here.
Of course. Everyone is welcome and free to read and post here. But I am also free and welcome to let them know if they are on topic, being offensive, not going to get a response from me, etc.
You share this thread with everyone. Sure we can get back on track with your questions, but you'll have to give a bit too.
Alright I know. But I'm not in a laughing mood so much. Just wasting time getting you guys to behave.
If you don't see a reason to change your perspective and don't care what people think here and take what they say to heart, regardless of how they say it then I think it might be a difficult ride for you.
I am completely level headed. I am getting something out of any person's personal wisdom. Absolutely.
If you are nothing like the old poster, then please, try again to explain what you would like to have help with. I think most people are lost in the words you use. Please try again?
I will definitely self-reflect. I totally know where you are coming from. I've been on the outside looking in before and I take your words to heart. Even if I don't feel I am like that person, I will give myself the benefit of the doubt of listening to you and triple checking myself, my intentions, my inner motivations, everything. I don't want to play with fire the wrong way.
My instincts are that I am poly. My intuition tells me that there are hundreds of thousands like me who had to go about this their own way like I am firstly attempting. But I am glad that this forum and good people like yourself are here on the net so that I can readjust, reflect, realign focuses, so that I can enrich the earth the way I feel in my heart I want to.