Dating, scheduling, keeping track

nycindie

Active member
Okay, so I am solo and dating.

I just walked past my white board where I make "To Do" lists to myself and saw that I had written the name "Ted" and circled it. I stood and stared. "Ted?" I said to my cat, "Who the hell is Ted?" My cat just blinked at me and then circled around his dish, clearly unconcerned about anything other than his next meal. I racked my brains for a few minutes and could not recall having made any plans with a Ted.

So, I hopped onto to OKCupid and went through my Inbox, where I had to sift through quite a few messages to find him, which I did. Was tricky, 'cause his username just didn't ring a bell, either. Apparently, after re-reading the conversation thread between Ted and me, we are making plans to meet. Good thing I checked. Then I suddenly remembered being excited just last week about meeting Ted. How did I forget?

I then pondered the three or four other guys I've been conversing with there, the two I've met from OKC already (one of whom, Dreamy, I've had a few hot dates with and we are planning to see a movie next week - so it seems to be continuing), my favorite Shorty (met through a friend), reconnecting with my old BF Cranky, and the fact that I'm a free agent now. This all led me to realize that I need to brush up on my Excel skills, 'cause my dating life needs a spreadsheet. And this after I declared wanting a break!

So, I'm just looking for input from those of you who date, go out to meet people, use OKC and other online dating sites, etc. How do you manage the connections you make and prioritize your time? Since I'm on my own, I'm not looking for how to run a household with people living together and chores, but how to schedule and manage outside interests, such as dating. I did search for threads on scheduling and didn't really find what I'm seeking, but don't mind if this gets merged into another relevant thread. This is really more about dating. I am also gearing up for a new project I've got happening now which will demand some career networking in preparation for it, and which will take up lots of my time and energy this year -- so wondering how I balance that with my social life?

I use Google Calendar to a degree, but maybe not well enough. All tips and suggestions welcome! Off to feed the cat now...
 
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My social life isn't that busy, but you know, google calendar is a poly persons friend.

You can setup calendars for social, dating, work etc and then look at them all together.

But really, I have a wife and a girlfriend and a busy job. *shrugs*... I don't have much to schedule around haha

First thing I would do is use better naming conventions...;) Ted - okc dude - small descriptor. It would save forgetting who it is :)
 
I LOVE Google calendar! I can colour code each calendar, they've got sticker type things as a memory tickler eg. Money bag for pay day. I think I've got about eight calendars going, lol.

It sends you the day's schedule at 5:29 am each and every morning so you can see what you've got planned when you check your morning email :).

I'm not really so busy that I have to try to fit in people, lol. I live with Breathes, date Possibility and have one or two friends I hang out with on occasion, lol. Tuesday is my night with Possibility as Breathes works his second job that night :).
 
Okay, so I am solo and dating.

Me too.
I struggle with an incredibly busy diary...

I use the calender in microsoft office @ my place of work. I sync this to google calander...so I have my schedule available on all my computers (I have 3 in various locations!!)

So, my life depends on outlook/google calender.
Everything is entered...I even schedule my music practice (7.35am - 8.15am daily !!)
I sync the calenders to my cell phone calender/diary, which is set up to remind me of events both 2 hours and 15 mins before the event is scheduled to start..

But yet...sometimes when I hear the reminder going off I find myself thinking - "oh dear, where am I supposed to be and with whom?"

I used to have a seperate system for work and social...but it's more practical using the one system for both..It just means my work colleagues can see my whole life (I'm not bothered by that) - They need to see my calender as they book time with me...

It just means they spend time saying;
"oh...who's Victor?"
"oh, who's Tom?"

And I spend time saying - Yeah...I'm sure I told you about him...
Mind you, of late I've found when I'm trying to "find time" to catch up with people...I look through diary and find a space that may be 16 days away.

"Yes, would love to see you. Are you free on the evening of the 13th March?"
Which generally leads to "I have no idea as that's 16 days away...was sort of thinking this week?"

Everyone just rolls their eyes at me now....
 
I keep notes.

1) Come up with nicknames (as you already seemingly have!). Something that links up with something specific you've talked about, something that happened on a date etc. My examples: 'The Crying Girl', 'The Neo-nazi', 'The Hottie with Zero Spelling Skills'. Yeah, they're all affectionate.

2) Write down what you have talked about with each. Maybe draw up a mind-map. Also record dates, how you think it's going, current interest levels etc.

3) Store up messages somewhere where you can index and quick-search them. Maybe start a folder for each?

Dating is like war; the ones with the best maintenance plans tend to win.
 
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I'm not on the dating scene, but with 4 kids all going different directions, a husband, boyfriend and live-in sister... schedule gets busy.

We have a calendar on the wall and we all write on it and copy it to our cell phone calendars. I use "reminders" that ring in my phone to tell me of anything that is going on that pertains to me. ;)

My sister uses google calendar mentioned by other posters. ;)
 
"the goog" as we call it. Checking "the goog" is a common phrase around here. I am not loving that I don't get how to add stuff onto it from my phone though... I can see what's up, but that's it..... Moooooooonnnnooo.... help?
 
"the goog" as we call it. Checking "the goog" is a common phrase around here. I am not loving that I don't get how to add stuff onto it from my phone though... I can see what's up, but that's it..... Moooooooonnnnooo.... help?

I'm right here....just below you...if we had a glass floor I'd be staring up at your ass ;)
 
Solo poly dating

Now that I've thought about it, I believe the real issue for me is not about how to best utilize Google calendar or any other time management system, although I need to get that down, too. It's more of an emotional/prioritizing thing when dating. When I started doing the online thing, I was very cautious, with just a little bit of info in my profile and just a few select pics. I had a few nibbles and it started out slowly. Now that I've gotten more comfortable with the online thing and have actually met a couple of guys from the site, I started expanding my profile, adding better pics, and I'm getting more responses. I've also been meeting guys out there in the real world, now that I am not walking around weeping over my divorce (and it took a few months to get my too-tight wedding ring off). The men are basically coming out of the woodwork now, haha!

It's easy for me to get overwhelmed when there's lots going on, and I'm trying to stay levelheaded. I was single for a long time before I got married, and so I had lots of dating experience -- but it was often in pursuit of "the one," not the several! I did have a less mainstream attitude toward dating than my friends did, because I would focus on simply enjoying my time with someone, and was totally open to seeing people who might not've been my type just 'cause I liked them, even if I didn't really see a "future" with them -- because I wasn't always focused on finding a husband or trying to turn someone into my boyfriend. I could date just for the fun of dating, without worrying whether it would go anywhere or if this was someone I wanted to have sex with, and many of my women friends and acquaintances just didn't get that. I could go out to dinner with a guy a couple of times, and not freak out if that was it.

However, always in the background was the idea that I eventually should try to find "the one." And it would come up most strongly when I was feeling lonely. So, even though I had short periods of dating for the fun of just enjoying people's company, I would eventually come up against my cultural conditioning and begin to sift through my dates looking for a potential candidate for the long-term monogamous commitment. I wasn't looking for marriage, but I'd be mono with someone for a few months, or a year or so, we'd break up and it would start all over again. Not that unusual, I guess.

I guess the reason I started this thread is really to hear from solo poly people who are out there dating because I want to figure out how to balance those first dates and meeting new people, with the ones you've started to see a little bit more often, and the more established relationships you might have. Because it's a very different angle to dating for me, in that the goal is not to be exclusive or mono, and it feels weird sometimes. I'm not sifting people out as much as I am now "lining them up" for consideration! More people are possible candidates because I know I don't have to hope for as many needs to be met by one person. Someone who might be totally incompatible with me in one area, whom in the past would have been ruled out, is still a possibility if there is another area where we are compatible! I have to get used to just going with that and not worrying about the rest.

And because dating multiple people is all starting around the same time for me, rather than opening up an established marriage to additional partners, I'm kind of finding it challenging to determine how all the puzzle pieces are supposed to fit together.

I guess I just want a few other viewpoints and ideas on negotiating this dating world, as well as managing time and priorities. Or maybe I just needed to babble. :eek:
 
More people are possible candidates because I know I don't have to hope for as many needs to be met by one person. Someone who might be totally incompatible with me in one area, whom in the past would have been ruled out, is still a possibility if there is another area where we are compatible!

For me, a great relief is that I no longer have to exclude somebody because they are from a different area than I am. Long-distance might just be ideal for the single poly.
 
For me, a great relief is that I no longer have to exclude somebody because they are from a different area than I am. Long-distance might just be ideal for the single poly.

Oh, gosh, I didn't mean geographical area. When I said, "Someone who might be totally incompatible with me in one area, whom in the past would have been ruled out, is still a possibility if there is another area where we are compatible!" I meant, an area of interest or emotional need in my life. I've done LDRs and don't rule them out, but find the prospect of that less than ideal for me.
 
:) I totally got you weren't talking about geographic areas. I mean that just because somebody feels really nice but lives far away doesn't make me cross them over on my list, because I can always have a relationship with them WHILE pursuing something a little closer by.

Also, with a country of population of 5,3 million, the local poly scene is pretty incestuous.
 
Good day to you! *lifting bowler hat*

:) I totally got you weren't talking about geographic areas. I mean that just because somebody feels really nice but lives far away doesn't make me cross them over on my list, because I can always have a relationship with them WHILE pursuing something a little closer by.

Also, with a country of population of 5,3 million, the local poly scene is pretty incestuous.

What country do you hail from sir/madam? Sorry about my confusing abbreviations on 1 (one) of my posts - not to worry I'm getting help with poly questions on another gr8 (great) forum based in the UK. I am from England. Hi :)
 
Indulging myself

Oh, gosh, I didn't mean geographical area. When I said, "Someone who might be totally incompatible with me in one area, whom in the past would have been ruled out, is still a possibility if there is another area where we are compatible!" I meant, an area of interest or emotional need in my life. I've done LDRs and don't rule them out, but find the prospect of that less than ideal for me.


New York! New York!
(Impulse satisfied thanks to you)

I've been in a good long LDR sadly gone but it was totally worthwhile - some people you just have to be with saa jeg kan snakker som ny maal i dag (So I can speak a new language today)
 
NYC,

How many people are you dating ?

Do you think it might be useful for you to spend some time working out the likely path of "current, existng interests" before adding potential newbies to the mix ? And I don't mean path as in "happily ever after"....I mean spending time and energy and giving the relationship the investment to see how it may develop...


I'm sure many of us new to poly want to dive in at the deep end, and feel very excited about the prospect of seeing loads of people...but I imagine that can get exhausting at some point.
I for sure don't have too much emotional availabilty...as my life is very full. I'm aware I can't date too many people...as I don't have the capacity to provide myself fully, in a way which would leave the relationship open to development...

I'm not saying I need "development" in every relationship. I'm ok with casual sex, I'm ok with FWB...I can feel comfort and joy with a variety of relationship styles. But I'd like to be in a position where "development" can happen if the circumstances are right. If I spread myself too thin, I know I can't acheive that..

I'd be overwhelmed if there were too many people involved, and don't feel I'd be at my best in anyway..for myself or for others..

That's just me though. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts ?
Note - excessive use of quotation marks in this post is because I'm tired and can't be bothered searching for more appropriate words..
 
How many people are you dating ?

. . . I'm ok with casual sex, I'm ok with FWB...I can feel comfort and joy with a variety of relationship styles. But I'd like to be in a position where "development" can happen if the circumstances are right. If I spread myself too thin, I know I can't acheive that..

Bella, you hit the nail on the head! I feel the same way.


I'm not really dating that many on a regular basis yet, but there are more than a few "first dates" in the works, to be planned/scheduled. I said, "maybe next week?" to about six or seven guys. And I'm now going, "what was I thinking?" I mentioned in my first post of this thread that I completely forgot about one of them! That's why I said I need a spreadsheet!


What I've got going on right now (besides the upcoming dates mentioned above) are: a casual/FWB relationship with Shorty that started in early December and is now on hold for a little while (I am hoping we will resume sometime in March); a terrible crush on the friend that fixed me up with Shorty but is only platonic for now; and I most recently started dating Dreamy. He and I have only gone out a few times but we both do want to continue seeing each other -- still casually at this point.


My leap into poly, being a single, solo person in the midst of divorce, means that there's no established relationship yet developed into something steady, that I can return to as a secure "home base." Every dalliance or potential relationship I have is pretty new. I would've liked to have developed my relationship with Shorty into something more steady (we started out real hot and heavy, and it's very affectionate and caring) but that's not what he wants right now because he's very busy and travels a great deal. I guess it was about a month and a half that I was seeing only Shorty, before I started dating other guys, and then he had obligations that got in the way and I said let's go on a hiatus for a while while I dealt with other important stuff in my life (yes, I have to remind myself sometimes that dating and men are not always the most important thing, tee-hee).

So, rather than stay home every night, I've been going out, meeting people, and also lining up dates with guys I meet online. But it's gotten out of hand, and now I'm feeling overwhelmed. I guess I don't want to fall into monogamy again and so I'm trying to stay on my toes, so to speak, by seeking out new people.
 
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