"It generally feels to me like you think because he is your husband, he has to commit to marriage with you under your terms and if he's unwilling, that makes him a bad and unreliable person."
I am apparently supposed to commit to marriage under his terms though? I told him a few weeks into this that I was uncomfortable with it and it was moving too fast. There was ample time for him to slow things down, he chose not to. I have offered an amicable divorce on multiple occasions and he tells me he doesn't want me to leave. He does what he wants and I am just supposed to go along with it?
I know we aren't compatible anymore. I have accepted that. I told him that I accepted that and we could either agree that I need to move out while he is gone or I can move into the guest room until I have taken my test in June. He was upset, told me he knows he fucked up and I am the most important person in his life, but he was still going on his trip this week. So, unbeknownst to him, I'm moving into the guest room while he is gone. He wants to find a therapist, I told him it's a waste of money at this point, he said he still wants to try. I have been very clear for most of this last year that I am not ok with this relationship, his unwillingness to compromise, and his unwillingness to meet my basic needs. I am supposed to accommodate his and her needs,he is not willing to accommodate mine. Per him, my needs are my responsibility. But I am supposed to respect Kim's needs and assure her that I'm not going to ruin their relationship. So I told him I would leave so he can be with her, he said he doesn't want that. So, I'm pretty hurt and confused.
As far as mixing emotions and sex, he has done a complete 180 in the last 10 years. He used to say he just wanted the sex to spice things up, then it needed to be someone he was comfortable with, not he needs an emotional connection.
We used to listen to podcasts together, listen to books, have discussions. 6 months ago, I was like "hey, you know how we used to talk this stuff out, educate ourselves, etc, we need to do that." He didn't do any of that. He comes home, goes in the office, and comes out when dinner is ready. I think there were parts along the way that I was willing to negotiate, but I think I'm past that now.
I am apparently supposed to commit to marriage under his terms though? I told him a few weeks into this that I was uncomfortable with it and it was moving too fast. There was ample time for him to slow things down, he chose not to. I have offered an amicable divorce on multiple occasions and he tells me he doesn't want me to leave. He does what he wants and I am just supposed to go along with it?
I know we aren't compatible anymore. I have accepted that. I told him that I accepted that and we could either agree that I need to move out while he is gone or I can move into the guest room until I have taken my test in June. He was upset, told me he knows he fucked up and I am the most important person in his life, but he was still going on his trip this week. So, unbeknownst to him, I'm moving into the guest room while he is gone. He wants to find a therapist, I told him it's a waste of money at this point, he said he still wants to try. I have been very clear for most of this last year that I am not ok with this relationship, his unwillingness to compromise, and his unwillingness to meet my basic needs. I am supposed to accommodate his and her needs,he is not willing to accommodate mine. Per him, my needs are my responsibility. But I am supposed to respect Kim's needs and assure her that I'm not going to ruin their relationship. So I told him I would leave so he can be with her, he said he doesn't want that. So, I'm pretty hurt and confused.
As far as mixing emotions and sex, he has done a complete 180 in the last 10 years. He used to say he just wanted the sex to spice things up, then it needed to be someone he was comfortable with, not he needs an emotional connection.
We used to listen to podcasts together, listen to books, have discussions. 6 months ago, I was like "hey, you know how we used to talk this stuff out, educate ourselves, etc, we need to do that." He didn't do any of that. He comes home, goes in the office, and comes out when dinner is ready. I think there were parts along the way that I was willing to negotiate, but I think I'm past that now.