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  #1  
Old 04-09-2019, 03:27 PM
Violet77 Violet77 is offline
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Default Period. Sex

He had sex with his other partner on Sunday night, saw me on Monday and I told him I was sexually frustrated. He refused to have sex with me because I'm on my period. I literally cant get over this. I'm so hurt and he still refuses to have sex if it's the really blooody part of my period. He said he would when it's the end and its lighter. I'm already super jealous of him having sex with other people, I've been trying to be ok with it because I know I get bored in long term relationships but it's been so hard to get over the jelousy.
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  #2  
Old 04-09-2019, 03:38 PM
SEASONEDpolyAgain SEASONEDpolyAgain is offline
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Lots of people aren't keen on period sex. Many of us come from an era paranoid about bodily fluids due to a HIV epidemic. That, coupled with the fact that women's bodies have always been viewed as "unclean" (research niddah), means that period sex is often rejected or fetishised. Few just see it as sex at the time of menstruation.

In trying to compete with your metamour, you've forgotten your hinge is allowed limits of their own.
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Old 04-09-2019, 04:53 PM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is offline
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I'm one of those guys that just sees it as sex at the time of menstruation.

Is this the first time this has come up? I mean, this usually comes up within a month or so of dating.
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Old 04-09-2019, 05:04 PM
Violet77 Violet77 is offline
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He would do it at first but then decided he didnt want to any more, I just am so jealous of his other partner having sex and then me being rejected the next day I dont even want to see him any more. I think he stopped after our sex got a little less exciting after doing it for a year. But I would at least like some sort of love and affection in response to my feelings of rejection and he just says well I'm not having sex with you tomorrow or Wednesday either and asks why I'm here when I tell him I'm tired of the pain he is causing me. He says I'm sorry your feel that and that's it. Is it just me or is that dismissive and uncaring?
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Old 04-09-2019, 05:53 PM
SEASONEDpolyAgain SEASONEDpolyAgain is offline
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I've had and heard of partners who have tried it and then opted not to do it again. I've also had partners who just didn't think it is worth the mess.

I think you'd be better served working on your jealousy issues.
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Old 04-09-2019, 06:11 PM
DaCoda DaCoda is offline
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Your feelings of rejection are valid. It can suck to be used to seeing sex as validating and then not receive that validation from a lover when others are. You should discuss your feelings aside from sex and indicate to him that you need more connection. Nobody I know that is really connecting with someone will mind the break if he thinks period sex is icky. I would guess that the problem is that you're being dismissed and are not feeling supported. If your feelings are not being heard and he only comes around to sleep with you, and doesn't come around when you're on your period, then you need to ask yourself if a purely sexual relationship is what you want, and if it isn't then you may need to move on for yourself.
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Old 04-09-2019, 06:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Violet77 View Post
I'm already super jealous of him having sex with other people, I've been trying to be ok with it because I know I get bored in long term relationships but it's been so hard to get over the jelousy.
This isn't about period sex, it's about this.
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Old 04-09-2019, 07:48 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I am sorry you struggle. Is this the same guy from before?

I could be totally wrong in my impression, ok?

FWIW?

Quote:
I'm already super jealous of him having sex with other people, I've been trying to be ok with it because I know I get bored in long term relationships but it's been so hard to get over the jelousy.
Part of it almost sounds like you are worried he's gotten bored with you because you tend to get bored yourself in long term relationships. So you want some reassurance that he ISN'T bored... but I don't see you actually asking. I wonder if that's some of your upset?

Quote:
I just am so jealous of his other partner having sex and then me being rejected the next day I dont even want to see him any more.
Sigh. Then break up decently. Don't drag it out. Give yourself some relief.

If you stay? Stop acting out. If you are having a hard time with jealousy, say so and ask for help. But don't be all "I don't even know why I date you!" angry at him. You might be coming off like a bear on the attack. NOBODY I know loves dealing with that.

If you are participating in a relationship model that makes you feel bad? STOP doing it.

Quote:
But I would at least like some sort of love and affection in response to my feelings of rejection...
Did you ASK for those behaviors? All I heard you ask for was period sex. If you need attention, love, affection? Could it be cuddling, kissing, hugging? Have you asked if he's willing to do that?

Then that honors his desire not to do period sex. (Because he CAN choose what kind of sex he's up for or not).

AND it honors your need to be comforted/reassured.

You BOTH get what you need instead of arguments.

Quote:
...and he just says well I'm not having sex with you tomorrow or Wednesday either and asks why I'm here when I tell him I'm tired of the pain he is causing me.
Sounds like he went into defensive listening mode. He felt attacked by the bear and he poked the bear right back.

Quote:
He says I'm sorry your feel that and that's it. Is it just me or is that dismissive and uncaring?
Hon, if you come flying at him like a bat out of hell, threatening break up... what's he SUPPOSED to say that won't set you off again? He's not a mind reader.

I'd suggest calming down, asking him to STOP telling you when he shares sex with his other partner. And you START asking for the kind words, hugs, kisses, and cuddles you seem to want.

But if the main problem is that you guys are incompatible? Stop talking about it. Just break up. Give yourself the relief one way or another. Either ask for what you ACTUALLY want, or call this one a wash and walk away.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 04-09-2019 at 09:15 PM.
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  #9  
Old 04-09-2019, 08:25 PM
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kittyxuchiha11 kittyxuchiha11 is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaCoda View Post
Your feelings of rejection are valid. It can suck to be used to seeing sex as validating and then not receive that validation from a lover when others are.
DaCoda has hit it right on the head here. It sucks when you're used to having sex be this huge validating thing in your life, and then you're refused it. It even sucks when its just because your partner doesn't have the same sex drive/doesn't view sex this way and it really causes friction in the relationship.

For a while in Josie and I's relationship we had this be a huge point of friction as i saw sex as this big thing that meant love and affection and all that stuff, and she just saw sex as sex, which she doesn't really have the drive to do. It took a lot of talking and figuring out what to do but we eventually found there are other ways to be intimate other than sex and ever since we found the right balance for us stuff has been completely fine.

The jealousy points that Galagirl pointed out really do need attention brought to them, but for the actual thing of wanting sex with him, you need to figure out why you want sex. Is it for the attention, the affection? is it simply because you feel you are owed it because he's sleeping with other partners? You really need to sit him down and talk about it all, he might even help you figure out what you want.
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  #10  
Old 04-09-2019, 10:12 PM
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Hi Violet,

I just want to reiterate what I said in an earlier thread, this man does not seem to treat you good. As for your current situation, I am just wondering, do you think he is using your period as an excuse? Like he is saying it's just because of your period, but really it's because he's not interested in sex with you anymore? Do you think he's gotten bored with you? Not that it's your fault if he has, I seem to remember he doesn't perform as quickly or intensely if you're getting the "leftovers." It's like he is setting you up. I suggest you sit down with him and tell him, that when he doesn't want sex with you, you would at least like him to show you a little affection. Right now it sounds like he is just being dismissive and uncaring.

With sympathy,
Kevin T.
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