the story of a secondary

Wow, the class sounds awesome! :)

Second that. I saved the email notification I received with your post in it for future reference.

Slightly related, have you checked out the videos by Austra and/or Florence and the Machine? Wonderful imagery and strikingly beautiful women!
 
Slightly related, have you checked out the videos by Austra and/or Florence and the Machine? Wonderful imagery and strikingly beautiful women!

No, I'll have to look them up!
 
Sometimes Davis can be a bit of a recluse, but that's not been the case at all lately, which I highly approve of. :D He found a sport he really likes and he's been practicing multiple hours a day most days, making new friends in the process. Jay, his best friend, and Bonnie, Jay's gf, both play also. The three of them have been hanging out a lot lately. It tickles me, I think to myself "I have Gia and Eric, he has Jay and Bonnie." Of course, his relationship with Jay is platonic. But then again it's not like mine with Gia has been notably sexual so much lately. :p

I love having crushes. I find it pleasantly distracting and diverting. A little like being tipsy. When I was younger crushes were wonderful but also problematic, because I had the idea that I ought to figure out what to do about them. Nowadays I can savor the tinge of excitement that a crush brings without feeling like I need to give it any sort of significance and generally without wondering what to do, especially if there are complications or reasons not to go for it, because I know that I have all the love I need. An unattainable crush is merely a pinch of extra flavor in the rich stew of my life.

All of that is leading up to saying that, yes, I still have a minor crush on Jay. Nothing like as heavy as when I was writing about it before, but it's there. I'm very very aware of him when he's around, I notice how much I'm looking or not looking at him, I notice the slightest touch of our fingers. And I'm actually beginning to really like Bonnie too as I get to know her better. It's hard not to imagine what the four of us would look like as a quad.

We all hung out last night, pleasant and silly and relaxed. Today we're all going to go on a day trip together. The plans include sports, nature, a movie, and a visit to Davis's parents. Heh, I guess this IS what we'd look like as a quad... just without the kissy-touchy stuff. A shame.
 
BEST DAY IS BEST. Just, seriously, everything about the day that just passed was perfect. I smiled so much and laughed so much. Alternately calm/content and engaged/excited.

I think the truest sign that you have a great dynamic with people is if when you're with them you feel like a better version of yourself, enhanced. Smarter, funnier, more useful, more interesting, more attractive.

Got up early, shower with Davis, made coffee, stopped at the library to get a book I've been wanting to read, picked up J & B, good music in the car.

At our destination, sporting time! I don't play their game, so I explored the huge park we were visiting instead, found sunny patches in which to lay back and read. Lunch from a roadside stand. In the afternoon, D & J kept playing while B & I went swimming. We lounged on inflatable floating chairs and had a long conversation.

Heading back out, met up with Davis's parents and saw an amazing movie, then drove home, getting back a full 14 hours after we'd left.

The banter, the warmth, the careful attention we each pay to the others, the edge of attraction (I wonder very much, if it just's me who feels/sees it), the shared references.

Best non-sexual quad ever.
 
I've been thinking a lot about the different grades of attraction there is, or more like that not everything is purely sexual attraction. I can feel very passionate about someone's writing and opinions and arguments, and then when I see them, they are okay. Nice, but don't make me feel any tender flushes inside my chest - no increased heart-rate, no short-of-breathness, no weird tummy processes I usually associate with sexual excitement/having a crush. I still immensely enjoy the convo, but I don't want to jump them. It's an intellectual attraction first and foremost.
 
Aww, so cute, thanks!

I had this girl I went to on a few dates with. I had stalked her online for a year and absolutely loved her politics, her writing, her appereance etc. Then I realized she was not a very interesting person after all, after talking to her a few times. I had an online squish/crush that totally died IRL! :eek:
 
I had a great conversation with Davis last night. A few months ago we were having heavy talks all the time, maybe too much even. Lately we seem to have swung too far in the other direction. I found myself feeling kind of distanced from him, and realized that I felt like we hadn't been communicating. Even though we've been hanging out a lot lately we've always been doing things -- going out, seeing friends, watching something, being physical, etc etc.

So last night I called him and asked about something that had been bugging me. Before we started dating again I'd been to a few "play parties", BDSM-themed get-togethers where dozens of people mingle and engage in kinky/sexual activities (active participation optional). I met Harry at such an event. I've since passed up multiple opportunities to attend fun-looking play parties out of deference to Davis's feelings. He finds it "weird" and even a little creepy to have sex with other people watching, or to watch other people (which is all I'd be doing at this point).

Recently, he mentioned to me that he likes the idea of clandestine sexual activity in semi-public places where you're flirting the edge of the danger that someone might see you. And my reaction was that I totally didn't get it. Why the heck would it be "creepy" to have sex in a place where people who WANT to be watching can see you and yet be ok to run the risk of being seen having sex by someone who DOESN'T want to see you??? The latter just seems rude to me.

We started there and branched out into a number of related topics. He revealed things to me that I'd never known, like that he has self-esteem issues about his body. We talked about the time I cheated on him with my ex, Ziggy, during our first go at a relationship, and how that still feeds into his apprehension about me being in sexual situations with others (this is such a difficult topic for him that just talking about it openly is HUGE for us). I was able to explain how in that instance I was stupidly letting sexual and romantic tension simmer in the background, ignoring it until it exploded in our faces. How I'd never make that mistake again, I'd talk to him long before it got to that point and either remove myself from the temptation or work something out poly-wise. He said all of that was very helpful and useful for him to hear.

I said that it was not a big deal for me to adhere to our current boundaries -- for instance, I hung out with Harry for a few hours on Sunday and was not tempted one tiny bit -- but that I do sometimes wish I had the freedom to, for example, make out with my roommate Eddie (he and I cuddle sometimes and in the past had no compunctions about taking it farther...). He immediately said "It would be ok with me if you made out with Eddie."

!!! Yay!

We talked some more and he clarified that kissing and biting with Eddie would be ok but that fondling of private parts would not be at this point. He said that he felt a little silly because his boundaries felt arbitrary but that it was important to him, because... he fumbled to explain. I jumped in and said "I understand. I broke your trust before, and being able to see now that you have the power in our relationship to say what's ok and then have that respected is a big deal, it's healing to have things go at your pace." He said yes, that was it exactly.

I am so grateful to these boards for giving me insight into things like this. :) :)

Davis went on to explain how he can feel things slowly changing for him. For instance, he is not ready to, say, consider participating in a threesome or attending a play party himself and does not know if he ever will be... but he can picture those things now, for himself, as future possibilities, which was never the case before. He said that he appreciates the opportunity to slowly acclimatize to these ideas, appreciates my patience.

He said that he in no way wants to push me into living together before I'm ready, and indeed now agrees that it's not the right time, but that he thinks it'll be that much easier for him to continue becoming more comfortable with seeing me be more open with my sexuality, and maybe even doing some exploring of openness with me, once we're in what he sees as a more stable, secure place. [wow, that was a long sentence] I told him, very directly, that the idea of living together just freaks me out at this point, for whatever reason. He said he knows and that's ok.

Such mixed feelings!!!! I'm so proud of him/us and so pleased about how things are going on one level, and so ambivalent on another level. I loathe the idea of losing him yet I can't seem to get comfortable with the idea of throwing caution to the wind and just cleaving to him and I keep wondering "Is this right, is this right, is this right for me?" Bleh bleh bleh. I get tired of talking about it, here or in my personal journal, I feel like a broken record.

To end things on a lighter note:
I asked him who exactly he might be able to picture having a threesome with. He mentioned an attractive female mutual friend. "So....... no chance of a foursome between you and me and Jay and Bonnie?" I said. He laughed and said no. I sighed dramatically and said "It's fine, I don't think they'd be into it either, I'd be the only one advocating for it and, well, three against one, it just wouldn't work." Of course I DO think that would be hella hot, and he knows I have a crush on Jay, so it really wasn't a joke, but sometimes making a joke of something is the way to get it out, and it felt good to get that desire out. :)
 
Gia and I have been in a good groove recently of hanging out regularly and talking online. Everything feels very warm, comfortable, with an undercurrent of excitement from knowing that there are things between us (sexuality in general, the things that came up at the femdom class in particular) waiting for a chance to be expressed.

Last week I brought Bee home with me for an evening so G & E could have an at-home date. This weekend I spent an afternoon at their place and helped them work on a few little projects. Tonight I'm going over there so Gia can help me work on a costume I'm making and I can help her keep an eye on Bee while Eric is away for the evening visiting his FWB Liza. He's pledged to watch Bee so she and I can have a date night of our choice in the next few weeks, we just need to pick the day. It's all very symbiotic. :) :)

Gia confided in me that, while she and Eric did manage to have sex the night I babysat for them, which was the whole point, in my mind, of me offering to take Bee to my place, it was... not the best ever. She says that she knows it's normal for desire to wax and wane over the course of a long-term relationship, but that she thinks the stress of so rarely having any time to themselves, so rarely having a serious conversation because they're always either focused on the baby or exhausted, is taking its toll on their intimacy. It's a pretty normal conundrum for new parents, but it sucks. :/

I took this as an opportunity to bring something up that had been on my mind. "Well," I said, "do you think some three-person action might... help spice things up?... or would it potentially be too weird for me to be intimate with both of you when your dynamic is off? Cuz, like, this isn't something that I need, but it's very much something I miss, so it's on the table!" She said she would LOVE to do that again but that it's hard for her to picture right now... like imaging driving a ferrari when you've gotten used to taking the bus. I suggested a night when we might give it a go, in a week and a half when a mutual friend will be babysitting for them and we'll all be going to the same event not far from my house. She said it was definitely a possibility.

So............ that's exciting. :D

I haven't done more than give Eric a long hug or kiss him on the back or shoulder in more than 1.5 years. O_O

Will it be super awkward? Will it be super hot? Will it happen at all? Stay tuned!
 
Stay tuned!

Oh, most definitely. ;)

I can totally relate to what you describe about your relationship with Gia; with the warmth and the underlying excitement. I've let my mind loose with things I wish to explore with Mya, which is all great except the circumstances don't come by too often.
 
Gia confided in me that, while she and Eric did manage to have sex the night I babysat for them, which was the whole point, in my mind, of me offering to take Bee to my place, it was... not the best ever. She says that she knows it's normal for desire to wax and wane over the course of a long-term relationship, but that she thinks the stress of so rarely having any time to themselves, so rarely having a serious conversation because they're always either focused on the baby or exhausted, is taking its toll on their intimacy. It's a pretty normal conundrum for new parents, but it sucks. :/

This is totally NORMAL. While their heads were into it, their bodies were still feeling the effects of stress and exhaustion topped off with a bit of anxiety over "making it good", since it's been so long and might be again. I'd just keep offering to babysit on a regular basis and give them time to just decompress with each other without the performance anxiety.

Threesome action sounds fun too. :D
 
I know what you mean about using jokes to get something out, or to start conversation. Sometimes I feel like there's something I want to bring out in the open, but there's nothing much particular I want to say about it. I just kinda want to test the waters, in a light-hearted way :)

Nice to hear other people do this too! Yup re: G & E, very keen to stay tuned for how things pan out between the three of you :p
 
[Warning, this post contains smut and nonsense.]

UPDATE: One of the first things Gia said to me tonight was that she'd mentioned the idea of the three of us getting together at my place in a week and a half to Eric and he was down for it. So, it's a date.

OH MY FREAKING GOSH

So many incredibly hot memories, fucking hell, how am I supposed to wait a week and a half, fucking christ, I want them both so bad agh totally turned on right now just typing these words, fuck, fuck, more than a year and a half, a year and a fucking half, the recollections I want to type out right now are so incredibly beautifully lewd, well hell it's my blog why not.

Him fucking her missionary style, me licking his cock each time it drew out of her. My face buried in her pussy, feeling her shudder, as he fucked me from behind, doggy style. She and I nuzzling and kissing each other as we both went down on him. Kissing, licking, sucking, rubbing, fingering, laughing, gasping, moaning, cumming, loving, holding, naked, sweaty, sensitive, happy.

Fuck. Threesomes with people you love = best in life.

I wish I had a bigger bed! Mine is an extra-long full, big enough for two people but it'll be awkward for three. We'll manage.

A promise to myself: I will not masturbate starting this Saturday, until we get together. That'll be a full week. Sex is always more intense for me if I haven't been masturbating.

God, I hope they're 1/10 as excited about this as I am. I hope we manage to leave the event we're going to, a dance party, early enough to have some decent time together. I hope god fuck crazy turned on right now can't even think!

Apologies for this post. :p
 
Just realized that, if this does in fact go down as planned, the statement in my sig line about Eric being my friend and lover will be true for the first time since I started posting here. Fuck, I've missed that fucking guy. I haven't had the room to let myself miss him, I've immersed myself in the love and the friendship and the necessities and realities of the situation and set aside my longing for the very thing that drew us all together as more than friends to start with, the amazing gorgeous physical connection, the lust and want, the playfulness and ease of it. Wanting and having. Closing this gap, finally. Finally.

Heh, I hope I'm not, er, building this up too much? Just god I can't help it, giddy now that I've actually let myself think about it.
 
Oh, excellent! :cool:

A promise to myself: I will not masturbate starting this Saturday, until we get together. That'll be a full week.

Wow, you're insane! :eek: Not that I never go a week without, but if I have something hot to look forward to, which I spend a lot of time thinking about, it is more difficult.
 
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