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  #21  
Old 07-11-2018, 04:27 AM
RedQ RedQ is offline
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I'm talking to her by end of weekend. Wish me luck, all. Let's see where this goes. Hopefully she understands me. I actually wrote a few lines/a list to tell her how I'm feeling...

It's not you.
I love you
I desire a deep emotional connection.
I'd want to have more sex.
I'd like to be able to wake up next to someone.
I'm a very sweet person, lots of PDA and I can't do it all the time with him around cuz although its been a while I'm still getting used to it.
I envy the love he shows you. I want to come home to that, too, from a woman. And it's not jealousy cuz I'm happy he makes her happy and takes care of her.
I can talk to you about anyone if that's what you want.
I basically want someone who I can go to every day and who will drop anything to be with me when needed.
I want to be able to cuddle day in day out.
I want to have dates when you are not available.
I want to date.

Last edited by RedQ; 07-11-2018 at 07:04 AM. Reason: Added detail
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  #22  
Old 07-11-2018, 04:34 AM
RedQ RedQ is offline
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And to be honest... I'm scared af because we three are trying to conceive and I dont want to lose this .
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  #23  
Old 07-11-2018, 03:11 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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I don't think starting to date while TTC is the best time.

Might want to pause the TTC to talk all this out and sort things first.

Galagirl
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  #24  
Old 07-11-2018, 03:19 PM
RedQ RedQ is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I don't think starting to date while TTC is the best time.

Might want to pause the TTC to talk all this out and sort things first.

Galagirl
She'll still have a baby with or without me. She's been wanting one for a long while now. I'm just making sure all procedures are going well for her and shes being taken care of. So no way in hell will she pause the TTC just to sort things through. :/
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  #25  
Old 07-11-2018, 03:26 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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You said "we three are trying to conceive."

I am suggesting you stop doing anything TTC related (however it is you are participating in that) until you have had that talk about the relationship as a whole. (Have you guys talked about what appropriate involvement in this new child's life you will have? Or is this another unclear area that needs sorting out?)

I wonder if that is part of the increased desire to have your own nesting partner? All this TTC stuff going on?

I still think you could be up front and honest about your desire to date other people. But if your ability to date other people or even talk about it is hampered because you are all caught up in making her TTC arrangements for her or whatever "making sure all procedures are going well" entails?

Maybe could back away from that for a bit? Those are her concerns. You could address YOUR concerns first before helping her with reasonable and rational requests.

I am sorry to hear about the death in the family. At the same time... you matter too. Can't wait for a "perfect" time to talk. Def talk soon this weekend. Can't be forever postponed.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-11-2018 at 04:46 PM.
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  #26  
Old 07-11-2018, 06:33 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi RedQ,

Just wanted to wish you luck with your upcoming talk. You deserve to have that special someone in your life, I hope you will find them.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #27  
Old 07-12-2018, 04:37 AM
lunabunny lunabunny is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedQ View Post
every time she gets pissed of at me she just blows me off because well, she can always go back to the hubby while I’m here like “hello?”. Like I want to have regular dates with someone, not always surrounded by the hubby. I don’t want to sleep in the same bed anymore so I haven’t done so. Never have we had sex together nor I plan to do so. So I can give them their time while I have my own time with my new woman.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedQ View Post
And to be honest... I'm scared af because we three are trying to conceive and I dont want to lose this .
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedQ View Post
She'll still have a baby with or without me. She's been wanting one for a long while now. I'm just making sure all procedures are going well for her and shes being taken care of. So no way in hell will she pause the TTC just to sort things through. :/
Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
You said "we three are trying to conceive."

I am suggesting you stop doing anything TTC related (however it is you are participating in that) until you have had that talk about the relationship as a whole.
(Have you guys talked about what appropriate involvement in this new child's life you will have? Or is this another unclear area that needs sorting out?)

Can't wait for a "perfect" time to talk. Def talk soon this weekend. Can't be forever postponed. Galagirl
Yeah, I agree with GalaGirl that the above statements/arrangement doesn't quite "mesh".

You say you "THREE are trying to conceive", YET you also say she (and hubby) will have a baby with or without your agreement. It's unclear how much say-so you have, if any, in their plans to conceive and raise a baby, although you seem to be tying yourself in knots trying to make sure your girlfriend's needs are being taken care of in the lead-up to a possible pregnancy.

Do gf AND her husband see you as a potential co-parent in their baby's life? Because it seems to me that their relationship is pretty separate from yours with gf (parallel poly perhaps?) If that's the case, and you don't have any input into their plans for parenthood... and can't even talk to girlfriend about these plans because it never seems to be the right time... then I fear your involvement will be very much secondary, if that.

If your gf runs back to her husband without trying to sort things out with YOU when you have a disagreement; won't consider your wishes regarding her/their future plans... and yet gets all pissy at the suggestion that you want a nesting partner of your own... I'm not sure you really "owe" her your undivided loyalty. After all, she appears to be putting her other relationship/plans above your needs, so how exactly is that non-hierarchical?
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Me, Lunabunny: F, 50, heteroflexible
Jester: M, 59, straight, primary partner (LD)
Boho: F, 57, heteroflexible, primary partner (LD)

Red: M, 53, straight, ex-husband
Bud: early 20s, son
Lola: early 20s, daughter
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