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Old 07-13-2018, 02:43 AM
Klypz4u Klypz4u is offline
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Cool New to Poly

So my husband and I have been married for 18 years. He for the last several years has wanted another partner for himself. We have had several threesomes over the years but this would not be the same thing. We tried a few years ago and the woman tried getting pregnant without our knowledge or approval and he quickly ended that without me having to say anything. Him and my best friend have always been attracted to one another and he is now wanting to peruse a relationship with her. I am ok with this but I’m trying to figure out how to even begin. They have been on a few dates but have not had sex yet. I am already a little jealous of the things they get to do because they don’t have kids and we do so when we are together the kids are always with us and they are with them sometimes if I am working. My kids love her and already see her as a second mom of sorts. Any advice on schedules and how to move forward successfully is greatly appreciated!
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Old 07-13-2018, 05:24 PM
breathemusic breathemusic is offline
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It's common for people who have domestic parters to get a bit jealous/envious/annoyed that their metamour gets to have all the fun with the shared partner while they just get dealing with all the responsibilities. If you feel like your needs aren't getting met, then consider scheduleing a date night with a sitter once a week so that you and your husband can get some dedicated alone time to nurture your own relationship. That definitely might help to ease the jealous feelings!
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Old 07-13-2018, 11:58 PM
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Hello Klypz4u,

I agree with breathemusic, you should get a babysitter so you and your husband can get out and have some fun together. If you trust your best friend with your kids maybe she could even be the one doing the babysitting. Sort of a way to return the favor of when you take care of the kids while she and your husband are out having fun.

Just a thought.
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Old 07-14-2018, 04:33 PM
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Hi Klypz4u - and welcome to the Forum! We will look forward to seeing how your story evolves.

Just a random thought that occurred to me - since your kids already love your friend who is now dating your husband, perhaps she could babysit once a week while you and your husband go out on a date, and in return you stay home with the kids while your husband goes out on dates with your friend. Seems fair to me.

Also - are you considering another partner for yourself as well? In which case, your friend and your husband could stay home with the kids together, while you go out on dates with your other partner.

Or, do you expect to become romantic/sexual with your friend and form a triad - perhaps with threesomes (since you've had experience with threesome in the past) - or perhaps individually each having sex with your friend.

Again, welcome and best of luck on your journey! Al
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Old 07-14-2018, 04:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Al99 View Post
Hi
Just a random thought that occurred to me - since your kids already love your friend who is now dating your husband, perhaps she could babysit once a week while you and your husband go out on a date, and in return you stay home with the kids while your husband goes out on dates with your friend. Seems fair to me.
My opinion is that this is a terrible idea, unless the friend already babysits on a regular basis, and is enthusiastic about continuing. Otherwise, this would add a complex additional layer to the relationship with friend, a relationship that is already in the midst of huge change. Besides all the baggage of the babysitter role, it’s possible that envy and jealousy emotions can come into play for the friend, and being used for babysitting services would likely exacerbate any negative feelings. It doesn’t seem “fair” to me, in that they aren’t her children, so caring for them is not a default obligation as it is for a parent.
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Old 07-14-2018, 04:58 PM
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Opinions vary. However, my thought was that this is not a new, random metamour, but her best friend - whom her kids already view as a "second mom". But certainly the OP would have the best feel for the situation. Al
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Old 07-14-2018, 05:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Al99 View Post
Opinions vary. However, my thought was that this is not a new, random metamour, but her best friend - whom her kids already view as a "second mom". But certainly the OP would have the best feel for the situation. Al
Yes, and on this specific idea it’s important to note some of that variety of opinion, both for the OP and for others reading this for ideas about their own situations. In general, “new partner as babysitter” is messy, and best avoided.
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Old 07-14-2018, 05:26 PM
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Quote:
In general, “new partner as babysitter” is messy, and best avoided.
I would agree with that as a general rule - and perhaps it is important for those who might read this to understand that (certainly, one of the criticisms often leveled at the "unicorn" arrangement). My comment applies only to this specific situation where the two ladies were already best friends, and where the
Quote:
kids love her and already see her as a second mom of sorts
(quoting the OP).
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  #9  
Old 07-17-2018, 08:25 AM
Klypz4u Klypz4u is offline
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She does already help with the kids. I work a lot so usually when I’m at work they have the kids and my husband and I have them when Im off. The 3 of us have always done a lot together and now it’s just different. Lately every time I’m off we stay at home with kids and when I’m working is when he wants to go do something and she goes with him.
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