Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #351  
Old 09-17-2016, 12:43 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 16,542
Default

Congrats on your test score,
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #352  
Old 09-17-2016, 04:35 AM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,360
Default

Thanks! It's a relief after going into the test resigned to what I was going to get (and hoping I wouldn't have to retake it any time soon).
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Monogamish? Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 7 years.
Spinner: 53/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 48/F, Chops' partner of 7 years
Curls: 51/F, Chops' partner of 2 years


Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
Reply With Quote
  #353  
Old 09-17-2016, 07:13 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,858
Default

Congrats on a job well done!

And I am so glad our weather has been great for enjoying your new deck! Pixi and I actually ate dinner on our deck a couple nights this week. Clear and lovely and no mosquitoes!
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63)
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's bf since April 2013
BigGuy (poly, M, married, 43, dating me since late summer 2018)
Ravi (poly, M, married, 37, dating me since late summer 2018)
Reply With Quote
  #354  
Old 12-07-2016, 03:14 AM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,360
Default

Jeesh... December already?

Let's see... I haven't blogged much (obviously), either here or on my other blog. I had a number of posts for that blog in the hopper, and then... meh. I know part of it is just losing steam at the end of the day. I have to wonder if part of it is due to Xena's reaction to my last post as well. And then I have to shrug and say, bah. My blog. Better post something before it gathers more dust. Damn the critics!

As far as the rest of my life, things are good and oddly settled. I have found myself in the strange role of being Chops' only outlet to discuss everything going on in his life (read: his other relationships), but so far it's more BFF-to-BFF talking and no triangulation or weirdness. I throw the TMI Flag onto the field if I need to (and don't often need to, thankfully), and so far, I've been good about putting on the "friend hat" and distancing myself from everything enough to be a decent listener (and maybe even suggest alternate viewpoints that he hasn't really thought of). That's me: Madam Neutral. Just call me Switzerland.

Still, I know it's not the healthiest thing to rely on one partner to be your only outlet, so I'm acutely aware that I may have to raise my hand at some point and say "no mas." I'm not sure who he'd actually talk to at that point, and we're not there yet certainly, but it's one of those things that make you go "hmmmm" (cue C&C Music Factory).

Overall, though, it feels like it's been good for our relationship so far. We feel extremely close to each other, and can honestly just talk about what-the-hell-ever pops into our heads. It's fantastic to be at this point with him, especially considering the turmoil in the beginning of the relationship. Lots of emotional work on everyone's side, and I think we've found a groove where we can just lay back and bask a bit. It's pretty nice.

As far as the "blog discussion" goes, Xena never really brought up the topic again after that last discussion... and I don't know that I blame her, after I kind of steamrolled her. Still, things are in a pretty decent place between us, as far as I'm concerned. We've gotten together in groups since then - Thanksgiving, birthdays - and those times have been great. She's not really pushing for us to be super close anymore, and so far she seems okay with the level of friendship we do have (sort of like that person in the group of friends whose company you enjoy when you're in the group, but you don't ever hang out with them one-on-one). Knock wood.

The Choplet situation has definitely improved, in that I don't feel ignored anymore (hooray!). It's clear that he and Xena have a different relationship than he and I ever will, and that's fine. I'm just happy to be acknowledged.

On the "things I want to blog about" front, I found myself getting really, really spun up at the "Monogamists, Threat or Menace?" thread from a while back (and the related discussion on another thread), and a similar sentiment from Eve Rickert of all people probably chucked me over the edge (I won't go into depth here, but if you find the thread in question, I posted the quote from Eve as well). I had angrily typed up a whole bunch of disjointed statements and then sat on it for a while. Now I've cooled off enough to recognize that I probably only have a paragraph's worth of material that's post-worthy. If that.

Another topic that I think I probably will post about next is about identity and how/why I identify as monogamous (which may not be how many people use the definition). I identify very strongly with GirlFromTexlahoma with the way she described herself in her blog: probably able to do FWBs just fine, but as soon as it crosses from "friend" into "relationship", I don't think I could handle it. I appreciate GFT's sharing of her self-introspection on that topic (so thanks, GFT!), and it's interesting to see how similar people can be (at least on paper), yet struggle to come up with an identity that works for them... and may in fact go on to pick identities that would seem to contradict each other.

Lots of food for thought to chew on.

And now that the holiday season is upon us again, I decided to take back my love for Christmas and not get burned out/stressed out/aggravated this time around. I decorated the inside of the house more than I have in recent years. I bought BAKING ingredients! (SQUEE!) I'm gonna OWN this holiday!

Post-divorce, I think I just burned myself out trying to "do Christmas" - especially with kids who still believed in Santa at the time. This year, that's behind me. I'm back, babies!

Let's see... what else?
The polycule ebbs and flows. Chops' relationships with Curls and CheeseGirl have grown closer. The parallels make me laugh, as Curls is very much like Xena, and CheeseGirl reminds me of me. In fact, Curls and Xena have become EXTREMELY close. CheeseGirl and I have been chatting on FB a bit, but haven't met yet. Chops and Xena are planning another get-together for everyone for the holidays, so we'll meet then (I met Curls at the last one, in July). Chops is a saturated boy (although, at least on my end, I feel like he's been a fantastic hinge and I'm not really feeling pressed for time with him).

The cats are friggin' cute. The kids are fantastic. The house is lit up for Christmas. I have a shit-ton of beef stew in the fridge that I made yesterday. All is right in the world. At least for now.

(Okay, I have some sister drama, but that seems to be easing up at this point as well... fingers crossed!)
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Monogamish? Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 7 years.
Spinner: 53/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 48/F, Chops' partner of 7 years
Curls: 51/F, Chops' partner of 2 years


Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
Reply With Quote
  #355  
Old 05-09-2017, 01:31 PM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,360
Default

Huh... Only buried down to Page 3 of the Blogs section. Let's dust off the electrons a bit while I wait for some lab equipment, shall we?

What has YAH been up to since... um... (looks at previous post) December?
Clearly, I've fallen off the planet a bit.

For all the good intentions of my (external) blog, posting here and on the Mono/Poly email list, I think I just got burned out, pulled back, and wanted to just live my damned life and quit talking about it. Other factors pulling me into my nice, cozy hole: the election (I pulled off Facebook quite a bit, after it turned toxic), and <sheepish look> the addition of an Xbox 360 and Skyrim to the household. Bought it for my kid, and now I'm hopelessly addicted to the game... lol.

Still, I log in here somewhat regularly to read, and I've noticed a couple threads where I've found myself talking to the screen. I figure actually replying might work a bit better. Plus, you folks are a great community and I kinda missed you all.

Anyhoo... not sure how much time I'll have to catch up on what's happened the last few months, but here goes the nutshell version:

In the "random crap" category: Christmas was faboo, the house is a series of never-ending projects, my car may not pass its next inspection unless I can plug a series of holes, just got through a major test activity at work, and Chops and I have made our first wine kit (Pinot Gris). Actually tastes like wine and everything! What a fun hobby THAT looks like it's going to be.

In the "Choplet" category: Not much to say. Things are going well, I've tried to quit paying attention to FB anyway, which tends to be my big bugaboo, but things seem to be going well regardless - no feeling excluded on my end anymore.

In the "larger Polycule" category:
  • Xena has definitely backed off from wanting more of my time, but I think it's mainly because there's now a triad of sorts between her, Chops, and Curls. She's got the configuration she wanted, and all seems to be going well. They seem to be doing well with individual relationship time as well, so all is smooth on that end.
  • Other relationships have shuffled a bit... CheeseGirl needed more time from a romantic relationship than Chops could provide, so they've moved on to being close friends. I'm not sure how much longer the relationship with Noa will go on, as that's been getting strained over time. Shaggy and Xena are no longer together as well. The sig's gonna need updating.
  • The kids have met everyone and just roll with it. Makes me laugh how flexible they are with everything. We went to Curls' house for Spring Dinner this year, and my younger daughter spent half her time on the floor taking pictures of Curls' cat anyway.
  • The big news: Things are going so well for the Chops/Xena/Curls triad, they're actually looking into buying a house together.

Okay, so maybe a bit more info on that last bullet...
The "commune" / Tribe idea was strong with Chops and Xena, going way back. It kind of came up a few months ago in conversation, in the context of finding a way to pool resources together so Chops' mom, his sister and BF, and everyone in his life could basically not have to worry about things like heat and utilities, provide as they could (either financially, with services around the home, etc.). I'm probably not doing the concept justice in my nutshell version, but think "family compound" or "family tenement" style of living. I've done my due diligence in poking (hard) at him about making sure they have contingencies in place for if things go south, but at some point it gets interpreted as negativity rather than being cautious and prepared, so I've said all I'm going to say about it.

Step 1 is to see if the C/X/C triad can actually live together, and move on from there. If they rent, fine. If they buy and the house/building has multiple units, even better to begin future planning.

Steps 2+ would potentially involve his sister and her BF, or his mom, or me. Or any combination thereof.

As for *my* part in all this, I said that sure, I'd be happy to contribute. Be a financial contributor if my house gets clean and my SIL's BF can make his corn salsa all the damned time? Where do I sign up? But it won't happen until the kids are grown, and it won't happen unless I have my own *divided* space. As in, no shared living areas except for the yard. I want my own place to retreat to, or to have people over in.

So... who knows what's going to happen there, or if it's really going to happen. It's just interesting to see it happening, and to see both Chops actually considering getting his name on a house again (heh), and me actually considering living alongside everyone. Who the hell am I?

All right... Nutshell version done. I missed you guys. Guess I'll jump in on some of the other threads a bit later.
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Monogamish? Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 7 years.
Spinner: 53/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 48/F, Chops' partner of 7 years
Curls: 51/F, Chops' partner of 2 years


Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
Reply With Quote
  #356  
Old 05-09-2017, 02:27 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Spaminator
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,250
Default

*waves at YAH* Good to hear what's up with you! You were missed. But, hey, life (and video games ) happen.
Reply With Quote
  #357  
Old 09-17-2017, 01:47 AM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,360
Default Identity Crisis... Who/Where is YouAreHere?!

Well... a lot has happened in a few months. YAH ended up having herself a full-blown identity crisis for a while! But I'll get to that...

What the heck did I talk about last time? YouAreHere has most definitely NOT been "here."

Oh, yeah...

The .sig most definitely needs updating. Noa abruptly left Chops' life and unfriended all the rest of us from Facebook soon thereafter. Lots going on there, and I feel for her, but zoinks... scorched earth. Cheesegirl and Chops are pretty much just friends at this point. Xena and Curls' relationship has kind of backed up a few steps, but the house plans are still in motion, even if it ends up to be a couple of different living spaces or something. Xena's got a new guy that she's really happy about, and she's really (REALLY) working on tamping down her expectations when it comes to what kind of relationships she wants with people (which was one of the big bugaboos with why we didn't really get along all that well in the beginning of the relationship with Chops). Things are going pretty well, all things considered.

And then there's me. Good ol' Mono, Pendulum-hearted me. Good ol' me who was the recipient of some nice, flirty attention from a coworker (well, we're in the same building, he's in my spin classes, but we'll never actually *work* together - very different disciplines). Good ol' me who really liked the flirting and reciprocated, because hey - it's all cool and open and on the up and up, and I think he's a cool guy. Good ol' me who thought, as the flirting went on, "Hm... I wonder if I'm right or wrong about myself..."

And now... Good ol' me who's been on two dates with this guy and is now planning a third.

Yeah, we'll let THAT sink in for a bit, shall we?

A little bit longer, perhaps. Hell, *I'm* still letting it sink in.

Chops and I have had some long conversations about it. The Pendulum thing really threw him, since I was SO adamant about being that way, and he didn't understand what changed. And I guess nothing changed, except I really just wanted to see if I really DO know myself, and to do it by challenging myself, and see, now that a mutual attraction has presented itself, if I really were the person I believed myself to be. I didn't want to ask myself "what if" - if I had/have regrets, I at least wanted them to be about SOMETHING rather than NOT doing something... if that makes sense.

Of course, it makes New Guy something of a science project, which I hate, but I'm being completely honest about not knowing where this is going, or knowing if I will be able to actually *do* a relationship (but then again, so is New Guy - he's been really damned good about digging into the deep stuff rather than noping out of the whole thing. It's been impressive!). So my goal is to keep doing that, keep being proactive about talking about stuff, and see where things go.

On the plus side, I'm really into this guy, and I don't think it's negatively impacting my feelings for Chops. I am, however, totally overanalyzing the HELL out of myself, though, and it's getting tiring. I occasionally feel disingenuous about myself (ID'ing as Mono), and wonder if it'd just be best to wrap up my other blog in a nice little bow and end it (due to the Mono/Poly-centric-ness of it), but then I wonder if it'd be better to just keep it going and have it become something else as well. I pulled away entirely from the blog, and from the board, just to chew on all this for a while, and I think I'm at a point now where I'm okay with this shift, and I'll roll with it and talk about it, and see how things go.

And then, I also think I've just come to the conclusion that I'm too old for this labeling shit, and I'm done with trying to put a name to who/what I am, other than "me." Screw it. And pulling away from the board feels dumb, because gee - MAYBE one or two of you here has been through this before, no? Oh well... if there's one label that may stick, it's "stubborn."

So yeah. My signature needs updating. And New Guy needs a name. Who the hell am I again? Maybe it's time to shutter this blog thread and open another... Chapter Two, perhaps. Onward and upward.

Life sure is interesting, isn't it?
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Monogamish? Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 7 years.
Spinner: 53/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 48/F, Chops' partner of 7 years
Curls: 51/F, Chops' partner of 2 years


Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
Reply With Quote
  #358  
Old 09-19-2017, 06:26 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 16,542
Default

Well that was an unexpected turn of events. Perhaps congrats are in order?
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #359  
Old 09-19-2017, 08:36 PM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 1,360
Default

Thanks, Kevin.

Maybe? We'll see... Could be a good thing, could end up a major mess. Clearly, I'm hoping it doesn't end up a mess, but at least I'll know a little bit more about myself (and won't wonder about the "what-ifs") in the long run.

Next date is tomorrow, so I'll be updating the new blog thread after that with a little history and how things went/are going. Lots of deep dive discussion happening tomorrow (he's asked a bunch of questions in email, and then told me to wait until we were face-to-face to answer them... the torture!), so I'm hoping for a good outcome... whatever it may be.
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Monogamish? Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 7 years.
Spinner: 53/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 48/F, Chops' partner of 7 years
Curls: 51/F, Chops' partner of 2 years


Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
Reply With Quote
  #360  
Old 09-19-2017, 11:17 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 16,542
Thumbs up

Sounds good.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
divorce, family, metamour, mono/poly, vee

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:49 AM.