shepardess
New member
so i have been scouring this forum all morning. Im pretty impressed with the thoughtful dialog and responses. Thank you all for providing this resourse.
SOO.. To my question. Since i was a little girl had imagined a polyfi relationship. Never knowing how to get to that point i found and married an incredible man. Several years ago i started talking about the dreams i held out on for a poly marrigae, specifically i, as a bi woman, hoped to have a loving committed triad(i see you all call what we are looking for a unicorn) i always new it was a long shot, but held out hope that if we did all the personal healing we could and continued to build our love and set the intention, it might happen.
So a year and a half ago we met C, she was beautiful and fun and seemed to really like my husband and and was bi and she and i had a connection. I never wanted her to feel pressure or overwhelmed with a couple so we kept on building a friendship and hoping that perhaps she might build feelings for us as we came out of the closet.
6 weekes ago she was over at our little farm back in the mountains and after a bit too much to drink (as it was 4th of july she and i made love. She hung around the whole next day and i touched base with her hoping we might have some dialog about what had happened. several days later i sent her a long beautiful "love letter" telling her about our mounting feelings and respect and hoping that nothing i did made her uncomfortable. Well she wrote back something short and vaguely reassureing and we scheduled to meet up in a few days, and then she stood me up and offered a story that never sat right.
Afterthat i felt like the answer was clear, that she was not interested, but my husband knows her better and felt differently. He assumed that she was just a bit uncomfortable taking about things in in general. last weekend they slept together. We all discussed it bit and i was elated, i thougt maybe we were getting close to this impossible reality i had dreampt about for so long, the week has gone on and other than some emails vaguely adressing contentment, she has not contacted me. But then my husband showed me a thread they exchanged flirting about scratched backs and clothes trading. At first it exhilerated me, but then it set in, she in no way has responsed or shown that she has any continued feelings for me, I realize it wsa an assumption i made, i spent last night crying, feeling rejected and disapointed and stupid.
Part of me feels like shutting this down, because perhaps she doenst have strong feelings for me but only for my husband(somethng i should have seen long ago) but then i also think perhaps i am giving up too soon, or that maybe i wont find the perfect version of my dream and that maybe im limiting my husbands chance at more love. Im just torn and sad, i want to do whats right, i want to be fair, but i also dont want to sell myself short. The reason i wanted this in the first place wa because i had always loved what i had out of some passionate relationships with women in the past, and am not sure im ready to give up on that all together, but if this a chance for my husband to connect should i stand inthe way?
I know that was really long, but to any of you that made it through and to any advice you can give i and thankful.
SOO.. To my question. Since i was a little girl had imagined a polyfi relationship. Never knowing how to get to that point i found and married an incredible man. Several years ago i started talking about the dreams i held out on for a poly marrigae, specifically i, as a bi woman, hoped to have a loving committed triad(i see you all call what we are looking for a unicorn) i always new it was a long shot, but held out hope that if we did all the personal healing we could and continued to build our love and set the intention, it might happen.
So a year and a half ago we met C, she was beautiful and fun and seemed to really like my husband and and was bi and she and i had a connection. I never wanted her to feel pressure or overwhelmed with a couple so we kept on building a friendship and hoping that perhaps she might build feelings for us as we came out of the closet.
6 weekes ago she was over at our little farm back in the mountains and after a bit too much to drink (as it was 4th of july she and i made love. She hung around the whole next day and i touched base with her hoping we might have some dialog about what had happened. several days later i sent her a long beautiful "love letter" telling her about our mounting feelings and respect and hoping that nothing i did made her uncomfortable. Well she wrote back something short and vaguely reassureing and we scheduled to meet up in a few days, and then she stood me up and offered a story that never sat right.
Afterthat i felt like the answer was clear, that she was not interested, but my husband knows her better and felt differently. He assumed that she was just a bit uncomfortable taking about things in in general. last weekend they slept together. We all discussed it bit and i was elated, i thougt maybe we were getting close to this impossible reality i had dreampt about for so long, the week has gone on and other than some emails vaguely adressing contentment, she has not contacted me. But then my husband showed me a thread they exchanged flirting about scratched backs and clothes trading. At first it exhilerated me, but then it set in, she in no way has responsed or shown that she has any continued feelings for me, I realize it wsa an assumption i made, i spent last night crying, feeling rejected and disapointed and stupid.
Part of me feels like shutting this down, because perhaps she doenst have strong feelings for me but only for my husband(somethng i should have seen long ago) but then i also think perhaps i am giving up too soon, or that maybe i wont find the perfect version of my dream and that maybe im limiting my husbands chance at more love. Im just torn and sad, i want to do whats right, i want to be fair, but i also dont want to sell myself short. The reason i wanted this in the first place wa because i had always loved what i had out of some passionate relationships with women in the past, and am not sure im ready to give up on that all together, but if this a chance for my husband to connect should i stand inthe way?
I know that was really long, but to any of you that made it through and to any advice you can give i and thankful.
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