Vixtresses' Blog (Mostly Ramblings)

vixtresses

New member
Well, I posted an introduction already, but I've still got stuff bouncing around in my head, so I figured this is a good place to set it down.

One thing that DF and I mentioned with some wry amusement during our discussion about this whole poly (or open, I guess, we haven't really come to any distinct conclusion yet or nailed down exactly what we are yet) thing was that while it would be likely quite challenging to meet and pursue a relationship with someone who's open to the idea of a poly relationship, it would probably be pretty easy to enter into side relationships where the other people believe that we're having an affair with them. We thought that was funny, but really kind of sad, too. We definitely decided that we weren't after an affair, or even a fake affair (that just seems too flaky and dishonest to the other people, even if we were transparent about it with each other).

I was really proud of DF for admitting that he'd gotten kind of bored lately. I know it's not that he's bored with me, or that he thinks I'm unattractive, or that he doesn't want me anymore, it's just... well, it's been same old, same old for years now. He actually told me he'd been struggling with the temptation to just jump into a fling of some kind, just out of a need for something more. It actually sounds kind of bad when I type it out like this, but it didn't sound bad when we spoke, and it didn't and doesn't FEEL bad now, so... *shrug*

I'm not sure what I'll do about this current attraction of mine, though. Right now I'm busy with work and school, so I haven't seen him as frequently as I'm used to. I could just let things progress "naturally", in a physical sense, and just not beat myself up over things like caresses or cuddles and such, and things may or may not even get any further than that. We're already pretty close in terms of our friendship, I care lots about him and he cares lots about me, but we've described it as a brother/sister thing before. He's since modified that to something like "Well, I care about you with the devotion I would have to a sister, but you're nothing like my sister; that would be weird!" I guess I shouldn't have let us get this close before having discussed poly with DF, but I really wasn't planning on us being anything more than friends.

I can't help but think it would be pretty dishonest to my attraction to just let things happen on their own without full disclosure. Like, he would need to know that he wasn't on the way to replacing DF or anything like that. On the other hand, I'm sort of worried I'll kill the flow of things if we have a Serious Discussion like that. Then again, if a Serious Discussion kills things, they probably had better off be killed early anyway. Bah. I don't know. I'm going to have to think on this for a while. I know I'm going to have to talk to him, I'm just not sure what I'll say or how I'll say it.

Another thing I'm thinking about now that DF and I have had a successful conversation about expanding our relationship is a situation from years ago that was somewhat similar to this one. I had a guy friend who I grew gradually closer to over time, and he eventually developed strong feelings for me. I don't think polyamory even occurred to either of us, and I wasn't going to break up with DF (well, DBF at the time, since we weren't engaged), and it was a really painful, messy, long, drawn out situation. We ended up pulling away from each other more than once, trying to weed out these pesky romantic feelings by adding distance. Eventually we had to cease contact entirely, and there was definitely some resentment all around, including on DF's part, since he was not happy that I was finding any kind of emotional fulfillment in anybody else (I think that was more a feeling of betrayal, though, since we were trying to be monogamous). I can't help but wonder if that situation could have been managed better if we'd learned about poly earlier. Maybe it wouldn't have worked out into a V or triad or anything, but at least I would have been able to better navigate the situation without so many hurt feelings. I still feel bad about that, although I am happy that the guy found a spouse and apparently healed.

I guess that's all for today. Well, for now, anyway. :D I could end up posting another schpiel this afternoon.
 
OK, I guess that wasn't all. :p

What if I just simply told my attraction that "Guess, what? I was feeling a little hesitant about all our cuddling and spending time together because I wasn't sure about how DF would feel about it, and I talked to him, and he's actually perfectly fine with it!" Without a whole schpiel about polyamory and relationships and stuff... I mean, depending on how he reacted to that, it could come up anyway, but maybe I don't have to bring it up? Or am I just trying to avoid Real Discussions? Gah. I don't know. More thinking.
 
Well, guess I'll just update here as things progress (or don't, however the case may be).

I'm coming down a little from the whole "OMG! Big Conversation!" high from my talk with DF about opening up our relationship. (I'd said "going poly" on the intro thread, but that sounds awfully flippant in my head and I'm not sure how else to put it).

I think the timing of this could have been better somehow. Right now I'm still stuck with my attraction to the other guy (OK, I was trying to avoid borrowing abbreviations, but OG works quite well, so I'm going to use it), and while DF and I have discussed poly, we haven't said "OK we're doing it now!", so I guess DF is just processing things. He still seems gung-ho about it. He keeps mentioning finding a girlfriend, and I think he wants for us both to end up starting our additional relationships around the same time, although we both feel that's a bit unrealistic.

What sort of sucks is that now I'm STILL not sure what to DO with my attraction to OG. I haven't discussed anything with OG since we had the conversation about our mutual, accidental states of arousal last week, and we haven't been in that situation since then (although that could just be because I'm swamped with school and haven't spent much time alone with him since then). We went for coffee last night and met a couple at Starbucks, and mostly just talked and laughed about random crap. I feel like there's less tension between us (or maybe it's mostly on my part) after having told DF about my attraction to OG, which I think is a good thing. So less beating myself up over "how could you go and let yourself get attracted to someone else AGAIN?!" and more "OK, let's just let this be".

I guess I'm in a hurry because I do have this pre-existing attraction to someone, and DF does not, which is unfair. I guess ideally I could have come to the conclusion earlier that I would like to try being open to the possibility of poly relationships, and discussed that with DF BEFORE becoming actually attracted to someone. I guess I don't really start thinking about the possibility of having feelings for more than one person at a time until I am actually in the situation.Years ago I became very attracted to another friend of mine, although it happened quite gradually. I remember wondering if it was possible to love two people at the same time, because it seemed to me like I did. I hadn't really heard anything about polyamory back then, though, so I didn't even know how to start discussing it with DF (then DBF), and besides that, we were a younger, newer couple and didn't have the stronger foundation of communication that we do now.
 
Anybody out there?

*crickets*

Well, I'm getting views, at any rate. Guess that's something.

So we talked (again) (DF and I, that is) about the poly thing today a few times. I'm trying not to be pushy about it, as I don't want to be like "ZOMG we have to start this NOW cause I wanna get it on with OG!!!1!" and freak him out. Plus I don't know where I stand with OG anyway, since I've pretty much agreed with DF to put that on hold until he's made a decision about this whole poly thing.

Well... :confused: He's still wanting me to hold on, but he's already looking. He just doesn't expect to find anybody anytime soon, if at all, so he doesn't think that the fact that he's looking means we should actually *start* "being poly".

Erm...

I guess I'm going to have to talk to him again, because I'm not sure how I feel about him being out there and looking, while I have an interest that I can't pursue. I mean, I guess it's what I "deserve" for finding someone I have an interest in before even bringing up poly as a possibility, but I wasn't out there looking for anybody in the first place - an interest just sort of happened. I don't know.

All the same, though. He was awfully cute today when he was getting ready for work - you could tell he was putting in that extra effort in his preening. His hair was gelled and combed nicely, he wore his favorite sunglasses. :D He's on the prowl, and I think it's adorable.

But darnit, I wanna prowl too! I just happen to have a particular target in mind. :p

Oh, well. I guess I just need to be patient. Despite all appearances of everything being perfectly fine, it IS really soon after I brought it up. I don't want to rush him. I don't want him to feel insecure. I want things to go as smoothly as possible, so I'm going to try and be patient and not get ahead of myself.
 
Hello! :)

Are the two of you dead set on becoming involved with others simultaneously? Trying to coordinate a seamless transition for you both will likely be anything but seamless. Building relationships is not like putting the potato salad in the fridge until the chicken comes off the grill. ;) Either I missed it, or you didn't state directly the reason for the simultaneous start up (though I likely just missed it). Is this to avoid jealousy issues if one has an SO and the other doesn't? If so; what happens if you manage -by some miracle- to coordinate meeting people and it doesn't workout with one of you? Would the other one have to cut it off and start over? Maybe I read too much into it and this isn't the case, but this approach will present you with many hurdles.

Trying to get one relationship timed and following a schedule is unreasonable, two is just impossible. It would be great if we were that predictable (well, not really) but the odds are stacked heavily against you.

Just my $1.00 - 98%. :)

Phoenix
 
Last edited:
Hi! (OMG a person! :D In my blog!)

Nope, the two of us aren't dead set... but it's an idealistic hope of DF's. I don't know if he's dead set on it or not, but since we only talked about it yesterday, and I was the one who brought it up, it's a little soon to be insisting that I can just jump right in.

All those questions you have are the same ones running through my head, but I don't want to bombard him all at once with questions. I guess I'm afraid it'll come across as pushy and demanding.

He did mention that he thought it would take a really long time to find someone he clicks with who would be OK with getting into a relationship with an engaged man.

I think that yeah, it's to avoid jealousy issues and to try and minimize one of us being stuck alone at home while the other is off enjoying NRE and fun times with someone else.

And what if OG might have been interested in a relationship, but because I waited, he finds someone else?

Meanwhile, DF has OK'd maintaining the status quo with OG, which is basically, we can spend time together, cuddle, give eachother backrubs.

I guess I need to talk (some more) with DF... I just don't know what to say that we haven't already said. He seems open to it, but I wonder if his restriction that we wait until he's found someone means that he's really not OK with it?
 
Hi! (OMG a person! :D In my blog!)

Nope, the two of us aren't dead set... but it's an idealistic hope of DF's. I don't know if he's dead set on it or not, but since we only talked about it yesterday, and I was the one who brought it up, it's a little soon to be insisting that I can just jump right in.

All those questions you have are the same ones running through my head, but I don't want to bombard him all at once with questions. I guess I'm afraid it'll come across as pushy and demanding.

He did mention that he thought it would take a really long time to find someone he clicks with who would be OK with getting into a relationship with an engaged man.

I think that yeah, it's to avoid jealousy issues and to try and minimize one of us being stuck alone at home while the other is off enjoying NRE and fun times with someone else.

And what if OG might have been interested in a relationship, but because I waited, he finds someone else?

Meanwhile, DF has OK'd maintaining the status quo with OG, which is basically, we can spend time together, cuddle, give eachother backrubs.

I guess I need to talk (some more) with DF... I just don't know what to say that we haven't already said. He seems open to it, but I wonder if his restriction that we wait until he's found someone means that he's really not OK with it?

Well he does sound pretty open to it considering you only suggested it yesterday. Keeping it low pressure is a good idea too, but it sounds like the two of you have lots to talk about still. It is not the sort of thing you want to meander into, hoping you both "get" each others intentions through it all. Are you hoping for a LTR? Is DF? How deep are your desires for this kind of relationship, does he share your views?

I know it was only yesterday, but a lifetime is a long road. It pays to understand where the other is coming from. If jealousy could be an issue with DF, are you prepared for it? What if your relationship progresses more quickly than his or vice versa? Of course you are not going to reinvent the wheel overnight, but knowing where you stand is everything.

Either way it sounds like he is open and pretty comfortable so far, this is good. :) That he is receptive to your current level of interaction with OG (Work on those acronyms, LULZ!) Just keep communication open, very open. I would suggest that both of you do a lot of reading on this forum. There is a wealth of information on questions you may have, and probably lots you haven't even thought of yet.

And yes, there are lots of "real people" on here :D

Phoenix
 
On second thought, it was actually Sunday. Still feels like Monday to me. So not just yesterday, but still, very recent.

He's really excited to explore his options. We were both really clear with one another that we would be looking for relationships, not casual sex or flings, and that like any relationship, these may or may not work out.

I'm pretty prepared for jealousy, I think. It's definitely a possibility, almost an inevitability, really. We have lots of experience with jealousy from when our relationship was younger. We weren't as open and honest with one another as we are now, and there was this whole period of time where we were either dancing on the edge of cheating or dating other people during "breaks". There was this whole on-again-off-again phase. We made a lot of mistakes, but we worked hard to rebuild when we finally came out on the other side. We've got over four years, maybe closer to five years of stability under our belts since then, but the history is there, and we did address that during our conversations (i.e., "Remember when this was going on, and you told me X, but then you did Z? Do you think that could be a problem again? What makes it different now?").

Honestly, given our history, even though it's long past, I'm very pleasantly surprised that he IS being this open and apparently comfortable.

I think what I would prefer is a long term relationship, but I know there's no way of predicting how long any relationship will last. I am fluttery over OG (yes, I need to pick a better nickname, LOL!) right now, but I think regardless of whether or not he turns out to be a good fit for me within the context of my relationship with DF, I'll be glad to have the freedom of knowing that if another attraction to somebody does arise, I don't have to squelch it deep down inside me somewhere, feeling guilty for even thinking about it. I'm not looking to hop in bed with anybody (OK, maybe OG. :p Someday. Maybe. OK that's the flutteries talking! Ignore! Ignore! :eek:), but to have the potential for meaningful interactions that may lead to something more long term.
 
OK, so latest and greatest:

Not a whole heck of a lot is new. DF and I talked a bit about the improbability of our being able to somehow coordinate both of us finding additional love interests at the same time. So far, I'm still on hold as far as OG (still working on another nickname for this guy... I really suck at naming things! It took me like two months to name my cat!) goes. DF is still doing OK as far as feelings and stuff. I asked if he had any specific fears or uneasiness about this whole thing, and emphasized that it's completely OK and I want to know if there are any. So far, though, nothing. :shrug:

I think it's got something to do with the fact that I've been making sure to pay extra attention to him since I brought up this whole thing. I mentioned that to him and said that it is probably not going to stay that way by default, that if I get sidetracked and distracted he needs to let me know if he needs me. He agreed to do that, and told me that as of right now, he's very happy with the amount of time we're spending together and the level of communication.

Another point I brought up was that while I understand that he needs time to process this whole thing, since it's one of those Major Life Change or Paradigm Shift type of things, I was probably going to get antsy about staying "on hold" about the whole OG thing. I don't even know if the OG thing is going to go anywhere, but staying on hold is likely to get old. I'm trying to give DF plenty of space and time and TLC and such in the meantime, though.

So far, this seems smooth. I know it's not going to stay this way, but I hope it stays as smooth as it reasonably can. I guess part of what helps is that DF was already reaching a point on his own where he was fantasizing about being with other people, so he's not in a place right now where he feels staunchly mono. I know that doesn't necessarily mean he is naturally inclined to be poly, or that he's not going to have any jealousy type issues later on, but I think it helps for the moment, if that makes any sense.

Last night I went to OG's place for a massage (this is part of the "on-hold", maintaining the status quo agreement w/DF. Massages were already a part of my friendship with OG). I went home first to shower with DF and make sure that he wasn't having doubts about me spending time with OG now that my attraction to him is in the open. So far, so good.

At OG's place, even though we're not DOING anything different than before, I still noticed I was much more at ease talking to him than I was before DF and I discussed poly. I was more talkative (much like I was before I realized, no, admitted to myself that I was attracted to him), a bit more giggly, and generally more at ease. I think I had started to get awkward recently, sort of questioning every little thing I did or said to try and make sure I wasn't anywhere near cheating on DF. It's definitely a better feeling now that everything's out in the open with DF.

On another note, I was totally checking out a cute guy in class yesterday. I think he caught me. :eek: We ran into each other in the hallway outside of the classroom and did one of those awkward little dances where each tries to get out of the other's way and both end up just stepping side to side together instead. He smiled at me. I'm sure I blushed. Busted!

ETA: Oh! And OMG, my back feels so much better today. I had the most ridiculous knots all over the place from stressing out too much about a stupid group project. It's a little sore now where there was one particularly stubborn knot, but at least I can twist at the waist without hurting now. OG needs to become a professional masseuse already. It's clearly his true calling.
 
Last edited:
What if I just simply told my attraction that "Guess, what? I was feeling a little hesitant about all our cuddling and spending time together because I wasn't sure about how DF would feel about it, and I talked to him, and he's actually perfectly fine with it!" Without a whole schpiel about polyamory and relationships and stuff... I mean, depending on how he reacted to that, it could come up anyway, but maybe I don't have to bring it up? Or am I just trying to avoid Real Discussions? Gah. I don't know. More thinking.

I actually rather like your phrasing right there. It leaves the whole 'what is this, this thing we are not having atm?' question aside, and leaves room for his response, whatever that might be.

I guess I'm in a hurry because I do have this pre-existing attraction to someone, and DF does not, which is unfair.

Well, life often is. Your attraction to OG happened, and you want to explore that, and rather than put that on hold for who knows how long a time while DF is prowling, you need to work out a plan/schedule on how are you going to progress. Continuing to hang out with him with no foreseeable future will only place you in temptation to cross boundaries and eff up the good start you're having.

Well... :confused: He's still wanting me to hold on, but he's already looking. He just doesn't expect to find anybody anytime soon, if at all, so he doesn't think that the fact that he's looking means we should actually *start* "being poly".

Erm, him looking means you have started :D. It's a two-way street, after all.
 
Ooh! Another person! :D (I'll get over the novelty of having actual people commenting on my blog one of these days, I suppose. For now, I'll continue being a dork about it. :p)

Yeah, I'm kind of liking that way of approaching things with OG myself. I'll probably do it something like that when DF finally decides "OK, let's do this".

I've been talking to DF some more today and last night about the timing of this whole thing. He told me he is just processing right now, that he's not feeling bad or uncomfortable or scared, it's just a lot to think about right now. He did say that he intends to give me the go-ahead soon, though, and that he's not going to try to have me hold out until he finds somebody.

You have a really good point about the whole temptation to cross boundaries thing. Things were easy and fun last night with OG, but the easy/fun aspect of things are a perfect environment for two people to grow closer and more intimate... which tends to lead to temptations to do things which would definitely be crossing boundaries right now.

I think he might not be actually on the prowl. I was just teasing him about the bounce in his step and the prettying up.

Anyway, I'm glad you think we're having a good start! :D

(And by the way, I like the set up of your siggy. I might just borrow that later on, if you don't mind).
 
Oy, your blog is a pleasure to read! And I am happy things, and communication, are moving forward.

(And by the way, I like the set up of your siggy. I might just borrow that later on, if you don't mind).

Go right ahead. I stole it from TruckerPete, myself ;).
 
Developments!

First on the OG front. We went out for coffee last night, and then chilled at his place for a couple of hours. Lots of cuddling ensued. I fell asleep. He lay awake and later told me he wasn't sleeping, he was just happy and content. He was reluctant to see me go, and said something that made me think "hmm..." He was (mostly?) joking, I'm sure. "We need to arrange some kind of time share thing so you don't have to always go home!" I didn't say anything, since DF hadn't given the OK to go ahead yet, but MAN I wanted to ask about that. Ugh! That would've been a perfect opportunity to open up a conversation. Oh well.

And on the DF front, he did give me the official OK to go ahead last night, after verbalizing some specific concerns. He said he just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be neglecting him for OG, that he still needs attention and affection (and other stuff :p), and just to remember that he's there. I pretty much said that I have every intention of nurturing our relationship, but to pleasepleaseplease let me know if I'm forgetting to give him the attention he needs.

His other concerns involved what to tell other people, specifically our nosy roommates, and also some concerns about OG's feelings (aww!). I don't think we need to run around telling people, but I don't think it should be some Big Secret, either. And I think it's so sweet that DF is concerned about OG's feelings. I have some of the same concerns, but I think we'll just take it slow and see how it goes. I mean, whatever happens with OG may not even develop into a whole romantic relationship type thing. It could just stay a friendly thing, just with extra cuddles and the occasional sleep-over.

So yeah... Squeeeeee! I have the OK from DF to go ahead!

My poor therapist. I just told her last week about my attraction to OG. I'll be seeing her today with some major updates.
 
Yay!

Just to be clear; what did you and DF agree that could happen? Is it dates or sex or sleep-overs or can you start eventually calling OG your boyfriend or what now?
 
Well, when we've been talking about this whole thing, we pretty much decided that trying to establish specific "do this, but don't do that" wouldn't work out very well for us. Since what we're pursuing is a relationship, not a fling or fuckbuddy, we thought that those kind of restrictions would sort of impede the natural development of a relationship.

I did want to make sure there were no "unspoken rules" or one-sided "understandings" about it, though, so I included the possibility of sex and sleep overs in our discussion. I said that while I was planning on taking it slow and just seeing how it developed, it could go faster than anticipated. Clear as mud?

I mentioned sleeping over, and he said he would be OK with it as long as I wasn't spending weeks at a time over there and never spending time with him. I reassured him that I was only thinking about something like a night every week or two at this point, and reiterated that I wanted to make absolutely sure he's not feeling neglected.

Really, all that's going to happen at this point is I'm going to probably mention to OG the whole "Oh, so DF is OK with us cuddling" thing and see where that goes/how he responds. DF knows that I am open to that leading where ever it leads, up to and including a relationship that could include sex. I haven't used the word "boyfriend", I don't think, DF and I have been using words like "relationship" and "loving other people".

Clear as mud?
 
Last edited:
Hmm. Interesting. DF and I were talking again during my lunch break and happened up on a possible hitch. He had kind of assumed that by the time we get married (which is still up in the air, we've been talking about anytime between August this year and maybe April next year, but it's soonish), we'll be monogamous again, or I would have "quit my wandering" by then. Hmm.

We talked some more about it and I let him know that since we'd been using terms like "relationship" and "love", I had thought that we were talking about more potentially long term things, that wouldn't be simply cut off after our wedding.

So... potential big issue, but no apparent hurt feelings? There were no tears, no insults, there was no arguing. I mean, there was an obvious disagreement, and we're both going to be thinking about it and probably talking about it again.

He does seem to be hesitant and apprehensive about other people knowing what's going on. That's another potential issue.

He also is pretty uninterested in reading or joining this forum to learn more. He said he'd done a little reading online, though...

I'm a little concerned. So far, all of our interactions about this whole poly thing have been good. No apparent hurt feelings, no tears, no arguing. Almost too good. DF does have a tendency to keep quiet about things that bother him until they bother him TOO much, and it'll all come spilling out later on (usually it seems to coincide with a night of drinking). I've been trying to take care to offer him ample opportunity to voice concerns or fears or worries or hurts, and I've let him know that it's OK to feel any particular way that he feels, and he keeps reassuring me that he feels OK, that he's OK with this, that he wants me to be "free to explore who I am" and stuff.

I almost wonder if I should take him drinking to see if he suddenly spills his guts and tells me he hates the idea or something.

This is actually quite worrying, and I'm not sure if it's just me and my usual way of over analyzing things or if there's an actual reason to worry.
 
Adding to that, I had already talked a little bit (online, facebook IM) to OG about the cuddling thing and such. Jeez, a tiny little conversation and BAM! NRE kicked into OVERDRIVE.

It's DF's day off today, and especially with the potential issue in my previous post, I feel like I need to spend some quality time with him today. That's in direct conflict with my desire to go spend time with OG. Bah. Stupid NRE. Shuttup and let me sooth my fiance.

Anywho. I'm going to my therapy appointment in a bit (boy, that'll be interesting), and then afterwards I'll probably go get dinner fixings and try to cook dinner with DF. Priorities. Priorities. NRE can wait.

ETA: And I should probably turn off my phone. A text from OG will probably be VERY distracting.

ETA2: Does it even count as NRE if there hasn't been an official "THIS IS A RELATIONSHIP" conversation yet? Cause I'm totally all fluttery, and I'm pretty sure that counts.
 
Last edited:
I don't understand why this is going so well

(NOTE: I'm officially dubbing OG "Knight" in my blog. It suits his persona, and is much more flattering than "OG". I'm going to call DF "Romeo", which is an alteration of his middle name and sounds romantic and cute. :p)

I don't know what's making this go so smoothly, but please, for the love of whatever is holy out there, let this continue!

Romeo and I have continued talking (and talking) about this thing. We've addressed the assumption about postponing the marriage, and it was not something he was adamant about, it was just an assumption. We've still not set a date for a wedding, but we're not intentionally postponing one, either. If by the time we do get around to wedding planning(we're abysmally lazy and procrastinate like crazy), we're seriously involved in other relationship(s), our marriage will include those other relationships. We're most likely going to cut the "forsaking all others" bit out of our vows, or say them with a wink ;)

On the Knight front... Gosh, I can't really separate the Knight thing from the Romeo thing. Let me just tell you all about yesterday and today.

Yesterday was Romeo's day off, and also my therapy appointment. Let's start with the therapy appointment. My poor therapist. LOL. Every time I come up with a potentially life-changing topic, of the sort that usually must be tiptoed around carefullly and examined from all sides, I end up bulldozing my way through it on my own from one week to the next, with great success. Same thing happened when I brought up reinstating contact with my father, who had been cut out of my life for 8 years until just recently, but I digress. So last week I had told my therapist about my attraction to Knight, and briefly mentioned poly. I had verbalized some apprehension about the potential for Romeo being intimate and loving with another woman. This week, I told her that Romeo and I have decided to give poly a try, and that I'm going ahead and pursuing the Knight thing, and that Romeo and I are going to maintain WIDE open lines of communication throughout this whole thing. She was definitely accepting, but a little confused as to what it was I was talking about. At first she thought I meant opening our relationship to sex with other people, not love. Once she realized I meant actual loving relationships in addition to my relationship with Romeo, she sort of understood, but still didn't seem to think of the other relationships as being "full" relationships. All the same, though. She was accepting, but baffled.

I really don't need to be in therapy, I don't think. We've mentioned more than once that it's probably more a security blanket for me than anything else. I intellectualize and analyze everything to an almost absurd degree. I really like having the validation, I guess. It's not really that I need help figuring things out or processing my feelings, it's just a sounding board where I can get another perspective and sort of double check that I'm not nuts. :D We talked (as we end up doing often) about whether to continue our sessions, and I decided that since starting this poly journey is likely to be something like inviting a roller coaster into my life, it's probably a good idea to hang onto my therapy sessions for the time being.

The rest of the evening, I spent time with Romeo. We went to dinner, talked and had great sex (that's been happening more often lately than usual). He asked me if I wanted to go spend the night with Knight. I asked if he was sure that was OK, and he said yeah, it was fine, he'd planned on staying up late playing Star Trek Online (S.T.O.) with the male half of our roommates anyway. I told him I'd keep my phone on loud, and made him promise that if he decided he was too uncomfortable with things or if he started hurting or anything, to call me and I'd come right home.

So... I texted Knight with my usual message, "poke". I waited. And waited. And waited! Torture, I tell you. He finally text me back when he got out of work around 11pm, and I asked if he felt like company. He said sure. I washed my face, put on my night cream, brushed my teeth, braided my hair (my usual bedtime routine), kissed Romeo goodbye, and headed over. We watched "The Jacket" together, all snuggled up. By the time the movie ended, it was really late. We stayed snuggled up for a little while, and I took my glasses off and started to doze off. After a few minutes he asked "... So, does this mean you're sleeping here?" I replied "If that's OK with you". :eek: He said of course. We settled down, cuddled up, and went to sleep.

It took me a little longer than usual to actually fall asleep. He held me close, and I was just absorbing it all. OMG holy crap, I'm sleeping in Knight's bed. Romeo is at home, he knows I'm here, and he's actually OK with that. I did finally get to sleep, though. And, I'll have you know, we were just sleeping together, not having sex or even making out or anything. Just.... cuddling. It was great! :eek:

In the morning, I woke up early, at about 7:30 am. Not usual for a Saturday morning. I poked and pestered Knight to wake up, and we goofed around a little (poking or pinching or tickling) and then I checked my phone. Romeo had just text me a few minutes before I woke up, and asked about breakfast. I text him back and asked what he wanted for breakfast, we settled on our favorite restaurant, and I asked him if I could bring company. He said company was fine. So... the three of us went to breakfast together!

There wasn't any strange tension or anything between Knight and Romeo. They know each other, haven't been particularly close, but they've generally always gotten along and joked around and shared a similar sense of humor. This morning was no different, they joked around a little and generally just kept things light and easy. Breakfast went great, and as I was driving back, I assumed I was taking Knight back to his apartment so I could spend some time with Romeo. As I passed the intersection leading back to Romeo's and my apartment, Romeo asked "wait, aren't you going back to the apartment?", so I turned around and went back to the apartment. We all hung around for most of the day. Romeo played his video games, I did some laundry, Knight switched back and forth between offering a running commentary on Romeo's video games and surfing the internet.

I think my roommates raised an eyebrow at seeing Knight here so early... I'm not sure if they know I spent the night over there or not. :eek: Romeo and I would just as soon not tell them anything just yet, so... We didn't say anything, they didn't ask.

Later on, Knight and I went to the grocery store to get lunch fixings, and Knight fixed some sandwiches for all of us. Basically, it was a really good day. Every now and then, if I had a moment alone with Romeo, I'd ask him really quick "How are you doing, A Cutie, is everything OK?" (My pet name for him is a Cutie. Don't ask me why it's "A" Cutie instead of just Cutie. No clue, it just is. :p) And he'd reassure me that everything was fine.

It was a really great day! I spent time with Romeo AND Knight, at my apartment, with no weird tension, AND I got a bunch of laundry done.

Knight had to go to work at 5:30, though, so I took him home to get ready at around 3:45. (Knight doesn't have a car, don't know if I've mentioned that before). We ended up with time to spare, so we snuggled up some more in the meantime. He rents a room in a house, and one of his best friends rents another room in the house, so he's technically a neighbor, but I'm just going to call him his roommate to keep things simple. His roommate drops by at random all the time, and has been utterly convinced for the past couple of weeks that Knight and I have been fucking. Today, I guess I just couldn't wipe the silly smile off my face, and he must have figured it was the sex kind of silly smile. He said something like "Oooh, girl you've been bad, it's written all over your face". LOL. If only he knew.

On the way to Knight's job, I talked to him a bit about our... :confused: Well, I'd mentioned at some point that our cuddling and such was a breeding ground for attractions to grow, sexual or romantic. I mentioned that again, and reiterated that Romeo was OK with things, and that I had no intention of hiding anything from Romeo. I said that there was a certain "forbidden fruit" factor to my attraction to him before I'd opened up to Romeo about it, and that I wanted to be sure to remove the forbidden fruit factor from the equation so that anything that might develop would not be based on anything questionable. There's more to it than that, we had spoken yesterday online a little about the whole attraction thing and a potential issue he might have with it, but bottom line is there is an open line of dialogue between us about it now. And it seems very healthy to me. He expressed appreciation for my sincerity and openness, and said that it was a rare thing. He also doesn't like secretive situations.

So... Knight and I aren't officially "together" or anything, I'm hoping we can take it pretty slow in the physical sense. One thing I've noticed since opening up to Romeo about Knight is that the sexual tension has... not died off, not gone away, per se, but it's lessened, and it feels less urgent and nagging. Now when I snuggle close to Knight, it's happy and peaceful instead of "ooh, is this wrong? Should I not be doing this? Hmm, the possibly naughtiness of it is kinda turning me on..." I'm not sure what that means. There's definitely still physical chemistry, though. Plenty of it. It's just not so pressing that I'm fighting myself to keep from jumping him and making out or anything. I'd rather enjoy things as they happen, as slowly and teasingly as they happen. I hope they happen. :eek:

I think this is going well! Squee!
 
Things are still going obscenely well. Seriously. When things go this well, I start worrying the universe is just fucking with me.

Spent a good bit of the weekend with Knight. Talked lots. I actually showed him this place and this blog, since I thought it would give a bit more insight than I am able to verbally articulate into what my intentions are.

Romeo is still doing fine. He went drinking with a couple of our friends and told them about opening up our relationship. That went better than he expected. He was pretty much expecting to be met with disgust and a lecture, but they were quite supportive, if not entirely understanding.

They really didn't seem to understand the concept of poly AT ALL, though. They are utterly convinced that Romeo and I are trying new things out of dissatisfaction with one another. I spoke to one of them on the phone afterward, and he pretty much said that "well, obviously there's something missing in the relationship if you have to try this to save it". I was like... :confused: I tried explaining it to him, but he just really didn't get it. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Poly really is pretty outside the norm, I guess.

Romeo was pretty drunk after the night out with those two friends last night, though, so I figured it would be a perfect opportunity to see if his feelings while uninhibited are true to the feelings he's expressed sober. Yep, he's definitely OK with this. He even said something I thought was sooooo sweet I almost teared up, "Just don't break Knight's heart". He's concerned about Knight's feelings! Knight is concerned about Romeo's feelings! They're not behaving like rivals!

I'm just... I'm just over the moon elated right now. I don't know how this is going so well, but I'm incredibly grateful.
 
Back
Top