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  #391  
Old 07-11-2018, 06:52 PM
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I mean if the two of you don't have those talks, how can you ever give your consent? He's not seeing that for some reason.
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  #392  
Old 07-11-2018, 08:15 PM
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I agree. However, he's not currently/actively trying to start anything. I just sort of tensed up when he'd mentioned he and our friend expressed attraction for each other when we were kind of peeking the door to be open. But yes. He just feels that I'm not in a place to handle it, but with all the research I'm doing to deal with my issues, it's hard to avoid talking about it at all these days.

I just hope... he feels he can trust that mentally, I know he's not rushing me, and nothing is moving forward without my express consent. It's just my heart throwing me into a panic emotionally.
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  #393  
Old 07-11-2018, 09:31 PM
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If he feels that you're not in a place to handle it: how will he know when you *are* in a place to handle it? I would think he would need to talk to you about it in order to find out, but maybe he has some other way of telling?
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  #394  
Old 07-11-2018, 10:44 PM
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Yeah. This not talking about it thing is relatively new (12 hours?). But he's pretty much waiting for a verbal que from me that it's okay we open the gates, so to speak.
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  #395  
Old 07-12-2018, 07:16 PM
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Do you know what kind of verbal cue he's waiting for? or is he making you guess?
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  #396  
Old 07-12-2018, 08:11 PM
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He's waiting for me to happily/enthusiastically give my consent to open our relationship. Which is very nice that those adjectives are needed. We talked in depth about it yesterday and, ideally, I'd be, at minimum, at 70% excited for him to start something new, which I agree would be ideal. I don't want to have a massive freak out or break down
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  #397  
Old 07-12-2018, 08:47 PM
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He's not just looking for you to say, "Yes." He's looking for you to say, "Hell yes!" Can you honestly do that now, or would you need some "practice" first; that is, you would need him to go ahead and date this woman for awhile in order for you to get used to it. And maybe that's what he's not willing to do? Like you have to get used to it *before* he starts dating her? In fact you have to get used to it before he even starts talking to you about it. Am I understanding that correctly?
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  #398  
Old 07-13-2018, 02:38 PM
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He's willing to do that if I think I'm in a good enough place emotionally. Mentally I think I'm fine-ish enough. Ideally it'd be me wrapping my head around everything and moving passed hang ups and such. So yeah, it sounds like you pretty much understand it, Kevin.

But we've had a few emotional conversations the past 2 days and honestly I'm tired of he both of us feeling super depressed on the matter. At some point I have to jump in it with him and hope he can keep up our boundaries and agreements. So we did. I told him to tell the friends of ours his feelings and we're just gonna go from there. Though I do still worry about myself emotionally. He's being very supportive with me, and it does help.
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  #399  
Old 07-13-2018, 05:44 PM
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Sounds like you guys are making some progress, that's good to hear. Hopefully he will be able to keep your boundaries and agreements.
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  #400  
Old 07-13-2018, 07:08 PM
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I'm sure he will. I'm mostly worried about possible negative reactions to the new development.
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