Fair enough if that works for you, but I am not a passive person in that way. I like to go out and and 'get' what I want. Sometimes I don't get it, and that's fine. Sometimes it turns out what I thought I wanted wasn't what I wanted, and that's also fine.
Also, if you wait for another person to come to you, is that not waiting for them to come and 'get' you, the same thing you are saying is wrong? If everyone took such a standoffish approach, people would really struggle to get together.
Plus the passive method can easily be a way of rationalising a person's fear of rejection. Not saying this is you doing this, but it's easier to wait for someone to come to you than it is to make the effort of approaching someone else.
... 6 months to a year of waiting just does not compute with me at all...I prefer to just throw myself right in there and figure out the other person as I go. Life's too short to wait around for everything to be 'just right'!
I'm in the "not looking" camp. (Figured I'd get that out there right off the bat.)
But, perhaps, my perspective is slightly different, so I will talk about it (no hubris here!).
When I "fell" into a relationship with my (now)husband(MrS) I was specifically NOT looking for "a relationship". I eschewed all relationships, relationships were for the weak and brain-washed...in my opinion, the concept of "love" was some BS that people made up so that they had an excuse to sleep with each other. I HATED the very CONCEPT of dating (still do, nothing has changed there).
I just wanted to get laid once in a while...so I propositioned some nice cute guys... then one stuck. I never intended to "date" MrS - I just never stopped going over to his apartment. Because, why? This cute boy was actually an interesting person. I wanted to spend time with him, we had great conversations, we became friends.
Six months later it was pointed out to me (by an outside observer) that we were "in a relationship" that I was his "girlfriend" - GET THE FUCK OUT?! THAT'S what you idiots are making such a fuss about? Interesting, adorable, fun, smart people that you want to talk to and have sex with? Like...forever?
I don't think of this as being "passive" at all. I was actively trying to avoid relationships...until I couldn't avoid the obvious fact that I was in one. The stupid NRE (which I hate), the awkward "dating" (which I hate), let's just skip THAT whole bit (to the extent possible...it was still there, I was just trying to ignore it, rationalize it away...)
Ditto for Dude...NOT looking, just happened. BUT it wasn't like I was sitting around saying "Oh, I wish I was in another relationship...but I am afraid of rejection." Nope, I would have been happy if I had never met him (since I was happy already)...but then I DID meet him and stuff happened and here we are.
Yes, I can see if you WANT something then you might feel driven to go out and FIND it. But I never WANTED either of these two relationships...until I had them. I wasn't MISSING anything. I never felt like I was ever WAITING for anything. I wasn't WISHING someone would approach me...I would have been happy if no one had approached me at all. (Seeing as I can't stand most people...)
Jane("Introvert-With-a-Capital-I")Q