She dumped me, and she updates her relationship status with another guy the same day.

sollyv

New member
So, when my ex broke up with me, she vaguely just said "things have not been the same anymore, and I have been going through a lot recently". She deleted me on facebook, and wouldn't really communicate with me at all.

2 weeks later, I'm on her facebook profile and I look at some of the guys liking her photos. I look at his profile, and see his relationship status. He is in a relationship with my ex, since the same exact day she broke it off with me, according to his facebook status.

Now, I kept that to myself for a while. Couple of months go by, they break up. We start talking again. After a little argument, I lose my shit and tell her about how I know that she dumped me for this guy.

First thing she says "no I didn't leave you for x wtf"

To which I respond with the facebook evidence, and how she was in a relationship with him since the same exact date she broke it off with me.

She then just says "Woah that's my personal life, and he cheated on me so I don't like talking about it"

After I tell her that I would fully forgive her for everything, and how I apologised for snooping around her facebook, she just says "I can't do this anymore. I can't trust you. Sorry"

So we said goodbye to eachother.

Now my question: Is there a possibility that I was wrong about the fact that she dumped me for this other fella?
 
Hi sollyv,

Of course there's a chance you were wrong, but not much of a chance. You're probably better off broken up with her. *You* cannot trust *her.*

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
2 weeks later, I'm on her facebook profile and I look at some of the guys liking her photos. I look at his profile, and see his relationship status. He is in a relationship with my ex, since the same exact day she broke it off with me, according to his facebook status.

Is this making your life better?
 
As with all things in life, it's actually not Facebook (or her Facebook page) that makes you happy or unhappy, it's how you're choosing to interact with Facebook that brings your experience about. Facebook is a giant Rorschach ink blot. A lot of people decide to get off Facebook (or Instagram or Twitter) altogether for this very reason: Being on there does not make their life better. You can deactivate accounts if you don't want to obliterate them, so it need not be a drastic move. Try a social media cleanse for a month and you will have your answer about whether Facebook makes your life better or not.
 
I am sorry you struggle.

Now my question: Is there a possibility that I was wrong about the fact that she dumped me for this other fella?

I suppose anything is possible. Could have been a date typo on his part. Or she met him quickly on the rebound. If she broke up with you in the morning? Yeah, she is free to date someone new that afternoon. Or maybe she did break up with you in order to date him.

I don't think getting hung up on that is worthwhile at this point in time. Even the couple in question is no longer a couple. They broke up. They moved on from that date. So could you.

Presumably you had healed, had forgiven and were past all that. Or were willing to to move past all that and give dating her another go from a clean slate. (If she wanted to try dating you again and there was still lingering stuff you could have said "No. I still have resentments" or "Yes, but only if we clear up some stuff first.")

How did you enter this second attempt at dating each other? It doesn't sound like from a clean slate. Could you be willing to clarify?

Couple of months go by, they break up. We start talking again. After a little argument, I lose my shit and tell her about how I know that she dumped me for this guy.

If it's a little argument why lose your shit? :confused:

Are you in the habit of gunnysacking? And the small argument opened the floodgates or something? Does a habit of gunnysacking sabotage your relationships?​

and/or

Are you actually healed from this past break up with her? Healthy enough to be dating again or are you jumping the gun in dating? (Her or anyone else?)​

If I were in your shoes, I would spend more time examining those rather than worrying about what date she started seeing the other guy. So future dating attempts can unfold better. You could accept the relationship with this one is done, but learn from the experience.

HTH!
Galagirl
 
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Hey,

Sorry you're hurting, man. I don't think you misinterpreted anything.

Your ex sounds like she feels guilt or shame. She cheated, she knows she did and when you confront her about it, her guilt or shame makes her deny it. When she says she can't trust you, I'm willing to bet you said that to her first. I'm willing to bet that when you said you can't trust her, she would have felt guilt or shame, and she's just reflecting your words back at you because she's hurt and embarrassed. After all, her affair partner just cheated on her.

I'd suggest moving on. I presume you're still young, you don't have children together or shared finances. If you do, then my apologies, and my advice in that case would be to seek relationship counselling so you and she can improve your relationshipping skills.

Good luck. It can be hard to step away from a relationship.
-Shaya.
 
Hey, I'm sorry you had your feelings hurt. I just want to mention this is a board for polyamory, not a general relationship board, or an affair recovery forum.

Is there some polyamory going on in all this?
 
So, when my ex broke up with me, she vaguely just said "things have not been the same anymore, and I have been going through a lot recently". She deleted me on facebook, and wouldn't really communicate with me at all.

2 weeks later, I'm on her facebook profile and I look at some of the guys liking her photos. I look at his profile, and see his relationship status. He is in a relationship with my ex, since the same exact day she broke it off with me, according to his facebook status.

Now, I kept that to myself for a while. Couple of months go by, they break up. We start talking again. After a little argument, I lose my shit and tell her about how I know that she dumped me for this guy.

First thing she says "no I didn't leave you for x wtf"

To which I respond with the facebook evidence, and how she was in a relationship with him since the same exact date she broke it off with me.

She then just says "Woah that's my personal life, and he cheated on me so I don't like talking about it"

After I tell her that I would fully forgive her for everything, and how I apologised for snooping around her facebook, she just says "I can't do this anymore. I can't trust you. Sorry"

So we said goodbye to eachother.

Now my question: Is there a possibility that I was wrong about the fact that she dumped me for this other fella?

Move on, to put it bluntly.

Facebook is not someone's personal life. It is out there to see.

Her reaction leads me to believe she did dump you for him. It sounds like she tried to gaslight you. Now you are here wondering if you were wrong.
 
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