Sailing Solo

There was a lot of talk last night with Joe.

He loves me. I thought he did, there have been a lot of little touches and pokes when characters say it on tv.
He said I am hard to read and he has no idea if I even like him or not. He feels like he could walk away and it wouldn't affect me at all.
He is deeply concerned about time management, mainly from my end and I appeared fully stretched as it is, and added to that statement that he is "gut-punched" that I am planning a trip with Prof.
He thinks we are very different people, wonders what I am doing with him, he considers himself "boring".
He has a number of insecurities about our relationship, he says that are his and not mine.
He says I was pretty clear about the non-exclusive dating, but he wanted to avoid having a frank discussion about it too.
He very much enjoys the time we spend together, does not ask for more though he wants it.
He wanted to know why he "is not enough". Why would I want more than one relationship?
Had Prof met the kids?
Understands having a FWB, like Kip, but not another emotional relationship which I seem to have with Prof.
How can someone who is so poor at relationship and emotional communication feel like they can manage 2 relationships?
Was I aware that I have swung so far from the control of my marriage to being way out there with the independence?



What did I say?
I said I care deeply, and can care for more than one person at a time and express it though doing rather than saying.
I have fairly successfully managed time so far.
I explained a little about primary and secondary hierarchies and that I didn't subscribe to that, but there is an ebb and flow in what people want and need and some flexibility is needed.
I said I will not do a list of relationship rules like Prof and Ms Text's, that control the other relationships, but boundaries etc within in each relationship were fine and negotiable.
I enjoy him and Prof for different reasons, and I am not Frankendating.
I said that Prof and I were working on a new normal, there were/are many changes since Ms Text had passed.
I am not looking for a primary type partner.
I did not say that I am overwhelmed with Prof and his needs.

I don't think he will be able to do it. I think he may want to give it a go but that the perceived sharing and jealousy will make him unhappy very quickly. He will wonder why he is not enough and that will eat him up from the inside out.

We agreed to cut way back on the I.M. He asked for no contact at all, which I agreed to, then he started with questions. I suggested that he should feel free to ask but I will not initiate while he is processing. He agreed.
He is going hiking with a friend this morning and I hope he takes the opportunity to discuss this with someone outside the relationship.
One part of me is hoping that he just breaks up with me now.
My stress levels are through the roof. I need to go distract myself from this.
 
I am a stress cleaner, the apartment looks fab :)

Prof spent the afternoon with us. My little one asked if Prof was my boyfriend. I said Prof is my friend. Prof brought it up later and said boyfriend or "manfriend" :rolleyes: was fine. I kind of ummed and ahed my way round it and said ok, fine.
We are going to schedule out the next few weeks tonight.
My next class started today, 8 weeks of research and writing. I said I can't take a one week vacation even if the ex does have the kids. Prof agrees.

Joe called this afternoon and said he would rather have me in his life than to walk away. He said he doesn't know if he will be able to shut out the voices of doubt in his head but wants to try.
He is a big boy, I enjoy his company very much. Let's see how it goes.

Time to start the studying!
 
Back from the camping trip, a day early, but we had fun. Lots of playing in the water, a train ride, bit of gold panning and a pedal boat ride.
Joe came up for 2 nights, arrived fairly late on Friday night, we had a good day on Saturday but Sunday morning he was really off.
I asked him a few times what was up and he brushed me off with "just need another coffee".
Kid #1 had been dying to try the pedal boats and we agreed to do it late Sunday morning. Joe ruined the whole thing with the sour grumpy ass attitude. It took me a while to work out he was in a mood and not just needing more caffeine. I offered to drop him back at shore, but he didn't want that, instead proceeded to make grand sighs and eye rolls at the kids splashing about. we ended up stopping 20 minutes early cause I couldn't take it anymore. Kids were upset, they didn't know what was going on, neither did I. We walked back to camp, he packed up and left. A couple of hours the apology texts started with numerous excuses all different. I call bullshit.
The thing is...I have dealt with this behavior for years, my ex would do the same, come on activities that he didn't want to do then sour mood the whole thing. It was a trip, or more accurately boat ride down memory lane.
When Joe finishes work, we will talk on the phone and I will break up with him.
I am not not not ever putting up with activity ruining crap from anyone ever again. You don"t want to be there, then go do something else, Don't pull me down with passive aggressive sulking. It was a horrible atmosphere. Ugh.
It is a side of him that I suspected was there. Things he said his wife said about withdrawing and refusing to communicate added up and made sense.
I don't need to go there again in a relationship, the feeling in my stomach when it dawned on me what was going on was horrible and the fact that he didn't want to let me carry on without him, but continue to suck the fun out of the kids of me....bye bye Joe.
 
I had a very brief chat with Joe. He tried to add to the litany of excuses as to why he was so sour. I told him that there was no need to explain because I was done.
The more I thought about it, the more snippy comments came to mind that he had made that day and on previous occasions.
I lived that life for years, trying to make someone happy, it took me a long time to realize that happiness is internal and none of my best intentions made a difference. At one point I worked 2 jobs. I started at 8am and finished at 12:30 am and took classes on off nights, thinking that if I provided the things my ex wanted then he would be nicer and kinder to me. Didn't matter, it was never enough.
I am not doing it again.

I had to take the kids with me to drop off Joe's laptop. Kind of glad that I did because he had obviously been/was crying. I must admit I was quite surprised and a little annoyed, it felt like an attempt at manipulation. We dropped off the stuff and left quickly.

Then I had to take the kids to the ex, who feigned having no knowledge of agreeing to take the kids when I went on holiday next week. Hopefully he doesn't flake out. I asked for a few additional days and he said he will think about it. The dude hasn't had the kids for his share of vacation time since I left him.

On the plus side I saw Kip yesterday, so much fun and a fancy restaurant for lunch. It has a beautiful out door patio area, and extremely light and fresh local organic produce in some modern and quite delicious ways.
We are getting quite experimental with sex again, he has a few Dom ideas and it has been fun seeing him bliss out, he is usually so in control.
He is off on his vacation for the next 2 weeks. Second tropical vacation of the year, jealous? me? Totally ;)

Prof has set up his play room again and has also been very frisky and wanting to experiment. Something in the air?
We plan to have a little kink session tonight. He ordered me some killer shoes as a thank-you for helping out with a few things so mani/pedis and the new shoes with some lingerie.
I am looking forward to it.

I start the new job next week and will get 2 pay checks at the end of the month. One of them is going straight in savings and will be used to buy 3 tickets to go home next summer. I don't quite remember how the idea came up but Prof asked if my parents would take the kids for 2 weeks while we went to Italy. I asked, they said yes, so we plan on taking 3 weeks next summer and having a European Vacation.

It is obviously a long way off but even if I am not with Prof then 3 weeks at home will be lovely.

I am also saving hard in my "rum drink vacation" fund. So fingers crossed we can go somewhere tropical maybe around Xmas or Spring.
 
Very fun Weds night with Prof. Funny how we still have kept Weds at the main night. He is away frequently at the weekend, will be in Europe this weekend, and I think away most weekends in August. But he says he works at keeping Weds open, I am a recurring item in his phone and in his work calendar.

Prof was jokingly/seriously expressing concerns over me breaking up with him and booking tickets for vacation. Cancelled tickets are a drop in his financial ocean, so I think he was looking for reassurances about the relationship in general.

I am past the point of knee-jerk break ups with him, though in my defense a couple of them were entirely to do with veto and the rules and not what I felt about him. If an issue comes up then it is worth trying to resolve through discussion. I communicated this to him and from there the evening progressed to lingerie, heels and lots of role play. Lots of fun :)


We didn't get into a discussion about why I broke up Joe. But the point was raised that Prof would not set-up a relationship with veto or the list of rules again. He said that he fully understands the discomfort of having veto hanging over your head, he feels like I could "veto" him at anytime. He said that I used to be concerned and look worried when one of his other partners got vetoed, wondering if I was next and he gets that it is not a good place to be in.
I said it wasn't veto if I was doing it and not some outside agent, and that is a huge difference. To have an unseen third dictate how your relationship runs and when it ends is entirely unpleasant.


We are having 4 nights in the camper van then coming back here to have dinner with the Pro-Domme ( the one who Prof went to for the kink classes) and her assistant before going to a public kink class in town. Prof wants to go home after and "practice", so that will make 5 nights in a row.

I don't anticipate any problems spending that amount of time together, I certainly will have work to do and I am sure he will too and that will create the need for "quality time apart". And if there are issues, then we will know that an extended vacation is not a good idea.

In an interesting development, he is looking at properties this weekend with an eye to rent them to me. One is on the other side of the next town,( he has tried to get in there before but had trouble scheduling) but very close to my new job, the second is about 100 yards from where I sit. The second had an open house yesterday and I popped in with the kids to have a look as we were on our way out. While in no way shape or form am I getting over-excited, I did start cleaning out a few closets yesterday ;)
 
We had an extremely fun time house hunting yesterday, we looked at 4 for him, including a $3 million Victorian for fun, and 2 for me. He has asked his agent to put in an offer on the one on the other side of the next town for me and possibly one in the same area for him. The 2 new houses are about the same time distance apart as we are now. It would mean a new school for the kids but the new one scores much higher on the school rating systems and is about 5 minutes away from my new job.

He asked me if I could be "potential tenant" and not indicate any kind of girlfriend status to the realtors, he said he had been working with them for years and they knew Ms Text, so it might be a bit soon to go public.

I have no problem with doing that, but it did get me to wondering where in the poly handbook is the page on bereavement? I know he isn't out to family or work so when and how is it appropriate to introduce someone who is technically an old lover as a new one. And it did occur to me yesterday that our relationship has changed rather quickly and are the changes mostly due to him being lonely, or was it always like this but simmering below the rules? I am hoping that the feelings were always there, he has enough other partners that he could fill in the lonely times, but I seem to be his "go to" partner and he did say that the other week that he would be happy to be called my 'boyfriend."

Honestly, it wasn't me who thought that things were getting couply it was my sister. She asked me if things were getting serious, and I said no, she laughed and said buying homes and booking flights nearly a year in advance are very couply things to do. As she worked for the airlines for years I know you need to book pretty quickly after the flights open, which is 11 months, to get the cheapest seats for summer.

More couply developments include being his date for the dinner in a fortnight and then came the invite for his "adult party". Last year's invite was rescinded after Ms Text said she wanted to go and if she couldn't then neither could I.

This year's party has a changed format and apparently Prof has been working on a scene for me, with one or 2 helpers, for a while. He wants me to be his main partner when before he didn't have one at this event.
I actually have no interest in attending and no desire to meet 8 strangers at one time. Buuuuuuut, he was so enthusiastic about the scene that he has been planning for weeks and buying items for etc that I said "yes". :rolleyes: He commented on my lack of excitement and I did tell him that meeting a group of strangers in a social setting is hard work for me. Last year's group was considerably smaller.
It is all dependent on finding kid care so it may not work out anyway.

The couply thing hit a weird (for me)peak last night with Prof texting from the runway that he couldn't wait to come back and me agreeing :eek: We have certainly had much longer periods of time apart, it will be less than a week when I see him again, but really, it did feel like a week was going to be too long.
Kip is away for 2 weeks and that seems a bit too long too.
Feeling all emotional and clingy? Period is due in 3...2...1...:p
 
Prof is due back later today. There have been lots of text-like emails going back and forth, most of them last night were about wanting to fuck me again soon. Ah, how sweet. ;) But the general bent has been that he is very much looking forward to our "extended weekend". I need to get some prep done today but it is unclear if we are camper vanning or hotelling. The van has a check engine light on but Prof says he doesn't care if he blows the engine. He has recently revealed that he a lot of money and by a lot I mean A LOT. I still don't think it makes sense to blow an engine tho.

He seems frazzled, but then he usually is a little frazzled, he is coming back from a 5 day trip to eastern europe then leaving on another trip about 18 hours after he gets back. I think it is too much but it is how he lives his life.

As I am writing this I am also I.M.ing with Kip. He is complaining that his tropical vacay is not all he was hoping for, bit windy, too many family members. Hard to be too sad for him :rolleyes: We both hope that one day we could travel together, not likely to be any time soon.

At least with both of them away I have got some major class work done, been to the gym and just had some happy alone time.

Joe sent me an email on Monday, the phrasing was a bit weird, came across as obsequious. Apologizing for the way it ended, wanting it not to end on a sour note. I sent a one sentence response asking him what he wanted me to say. He sent another email, same stuff really.
I did take a nosy on his OKC profile, he has added things about letting someone have their off days and not take their bad moods seriously. :rolleyes: I think he missed the point about being on your best behaviour when someone invites you to join them on their family holiday. I didn't reply to the second email. I think he is missing the point and I don't want to explain again. Let it go Joe.

But fingers and toes crossed that next year is my year to travel on airplanes again. The airfares should be out in September so want to book quickly whilst there are a few cheaper seats.
 
So much is going on, I should be studying and not blogging but want to catch up a little before I forget.
Prof came back for his trip, made it to see me the same night and we had fun catch up sex. I had bought some killer boots which he appreciated.
He decided we should take the camper on our 4 night trip despite the check engine light.
Did we have fun or what?
We did a lot of what you are supposed to do in that area. I picked out some fun local flavor side trips, which despite Prof having been in the area 30+ times!!!! before, had never done. His favorite was taking the camper van on the local speedway track, and doing a "hot lap", the gates were open, I offered him $1 to do it so we did it! Lucky we weren't arrested. :eek:
The sex was great, morning, noon and night, in the showers ( once with a visiting baby frog watching) he set up spot in a grove of trees with flash light and champagne, in a cemetery...
We drank champagne by the bottle, ate cheese, he cooked, I did the dishes.
We both stayed off the phones and laptop( he left his at home :eek:) apart from basic check-ins and some time I had to put in for class.
It was wonderful, no sourness or grumpy pants, just doing whatever we wanted, when we wanted, we both had a couple of things that we particularly wanted to do and then did some things as they turned up.

We got back yesterday and went to BDSM class in the evening. It was the Domme who did the other private class we attended last year. I didn't think it was terrible good really. I would have preferred more instruction and demos on toys and equipment, it was more like a scene. And I really learned, once again, that I do not like watching people get hurt, even if they enjoy it and ask for it.

I have been invited to Prof's "adult" party on Friday. It is the one he has every year but I was "dis-invited", (if that is a word) last year, after Ms Text decided that if she couldn't go then neither could I. Prof didn't want her to go, wasn't a health issue.

I saw the first signs of grief from Prof last night about Ms Text. He has not shared that process with me very much at all. Last night was 90 days since she passed. We were going to have a post-class sexy time but he decided he wanted to go home and process. I had no problem with that at all.

I did end up calling him about 20 minutes after the class finished as I couldn't find my car.:rolleyes: He drove me around in a search pattern till we found it. No where near where I thought it was. I was wearing heels as well, my poor feet. I wish I could say that was the first time that I have lost my car but it wasn't.

Apparently he has been working on a scene for me for Friday. He is very excited about, spent much of the flight back last week planning it and ordered some items which arrived in a large box :D I saw the box. He is refusing to drop any hints at all.
I am excited and nervous, this will be my first semi-public scene. The party ends at 12, everyone else leaves and he wants/expects me to stay.
He said he might have sex with other people and was I ok with that? OK? I hope to join in.
 
Last edited:
Prof and I wrote an offer for the house on the other side of the next town over, it was accepted last night. Now an application has to go into the City as it is classed as "affordable" housing, that paperwork goes in today. We will see, I am not getting my hopes up too much, but continuing to clean out closets and collect a few boxes. That is not a waste of time even if the deal doesn't go through.
So my poly lover may be buying me a home and writing me a mortgage. He will be my bank. It is quite scary but I will try not to process these emotions until the contracts are signed. No putting the cart before the horse.
Prof is leaving on Sunday for a week, coming back for a night or 2 and then leaving again for another week. I think the space will be good. We have seen a lot of each other and it is party night tonight.
Kip is flying back in today. I will probably see him on Tuesday, looking forward to it. We have been IMing a lot, like the good ol' days, but some face-to-face connection is important to me and some other body parts need to connect too.
I am so far behind on class. Need to get stuck in to that in between annual apartment inspection by landlady, meeting the real estate people with my paperwork and Prof's party and buying and setting up nibbles. :eek: a mani would be nice too. Kids are off to their dad for the night.
 
The party was really really good.
Prof had designed a really cute and funny Star Trek, (original series), themed series of scenes for him and me.
There were costumes, phasers, tricorder, communicator, and some Klingon. It was all very well planned out. At one point he whipped out a Star Trek pendant necklace for me and put it in me in front of the group, whilst I was collared and on my knees, almost like a regular collaring ceremony, some of the others though it was, me included, but he said "No, it is a Star trek collaring." I don't think he would have sprung a real collaring on me without negotiation first.
There were 9 people I think altogether. 2 Doms+ 2 Dommes/Tops and 5 subs. However, there was no swapping between Dom/mes and Subs we all played with our usual Dom/me.
I did a lot of dancing in the suspended cage, very fun, while one of the scenes was in progress.
I really enjoyed the care and attention Prof put in to our scenes. I loved meeting and talking to the other kinky folk, The other scenes were good and fun, everyone left very happy. No drama, no hurt feelings, all very emotionally safe.
There was no sex until after all but one had left. Prof and I had sex whilst one of the Dommes watched, she is monogamous right now and said she would not participate but did enjoy the voyeurism.
She has known Prof for a while and said he talks about me a lot and in a very positive way. She warned me not to expect too much from him relationship wise. She is BFs with the girl who wanted the white-picket fence relationship with him and he said no. I didn't say we had been on a few holidays together and he was buying me a house. I think that is his business if he wants to share.
I cannot define the relationship that I have with him and it is probably as successful as it is because I don't really care about a label( though I do love me a label) and am not asking for relationship talks.
Things have changed significantly since Ms Text died. I did not forsee how much closer we would become though I was interested to see how I would fit in to his "new normal". What I wanted from him was to participate in activities and travel together. We are doing that, plus a few things more. I do not need to formally know where I stand through words, the actions are more than adequate.
I had a bit of an I.M chat with Joe on Saturday, I had promised Minijoe my old bike and wanted to see if he still wanted it and could come and get it. He said he would check in with Minijoe.
There was a little relationship chat, he admitted to being "petulant" and "sulky when things don't go my way." I agreed and didn't point out the number of times, but let it go at that.
I think my limit with him was the lack of emotional maturity, sure you can sulk and be petulant but you need to tell me that is what you are doing and why. I cannot be playing guessing games with an adult.

Kip is back! Yeah! I think we are fairly set for meeting on Tuesday. I am very much looking forward to it.
 
A week has gone by already.
Kip came back and we had a lovely day together, he said he missed me a lot, and he said it over and over. I genuinely believe that he did and I missed him too. It is always good to have his input on things and he thought the house was a good idea. The sex was extended and really erotic. He has a few new things that he currently enjoys trying out, and I am having a lot of fun participating in. Sex with Kip is so very hot and intense. :D

The house deal is virtually complete, I feel able to say that it will happen with confidence and I will pick up the keys on Friday at 5pm.
My BF is going to try to organize her hubby and a couple of friends to help me move. Prof will be out of state and Kip can't do weekends. so no help there, but Roomie and a work friend have offered to help too.
I have boxes and bubble wrap and am picking away it in addition to rewriting my class paper for last week 0/25:eek: and my paper for this week.
I will have some serious complaints about this class when it is over. I followed the rubric posted in the syllabus and in the weekly schedule, but the Prof changed the topic during a conversation in the class chat board on Wednesday. Apparently I am not the only one who missed that topic change cause she posted about a number of us being allowed a re-write and a late submission grade.:mad:

So Prof is coming round tonight to help me take the tv down off the wall and remove the mount that would be difficult by myself.
I have seen him every night this week bar the ones he was out of town.
It is all rather couply, he got a him + plus me invite this week which we went to. I think I am ok with couply as long as it is not hierarchical.
There is a lot of long range planning going on. We had to sit and do schedules with calendars and he asked me how long I want Wednesdays on repeat for. I said 2 months was enough :) He was also very excited about child #2's birthday which is at the end of September, and had 2 activities that he wanted to do, a fun dinner place and a goat farm. He just booked them in on his calendar while we were talking, I was a little surprised, to say the least, I have put virtually no thought in the birthday, I am focusing on class, house, moving and new job. Yet Prof obviously been thinking about it.
We tried to have a camp last night. I was fairly sure we wouldn't get a spot, the closes one I found was about 200 miles away. But we did have a lovely drive and stopped along the way to watch the kite surfers and have a very late picnic lunch. We tried a couple of parks but couldn't get a spot so went back to Prof's and camped there. He has a wood burning fire, so we got that going, started on the champagne, a had lots of lovely sex on the living room floor and furniture, with plenty of tea and sci-fi breaks in between.
All in all, life things are going well, definitely too much at once, but the pay-off will be worth it when the dust settles.
Back to packing boxes :)
 
House good, house bad, but fingers crossed back on track for Friday. Prof is a highly effective business man, very interesting and educational to see him in action.
I met Kip for some down time today. Probably shouldn't have due to time but nerves have been a little frazzled over the last few days.
Sex, very fun, he certainly managed to take my mind of things, he was being noticeably different in his approach, wanted lots of kissing and asked for some "sensuous and gentle" moments. I did ask him about it and he said he wanted the last time in the apartment to be a little different.:confused:
Off we go to lunch, me with papers needing to be dropped off after, quick snack only I say. Then the conversation starts; he is going to marriage counseling with Mrs Kip tonight. Things aren't going well, haven't been for quite a while, she made the appointment because he told her the only reason he hasn't divorced her already is because of their child. And it goes on...I am basically just listening as I have heard much of it before. I don't think I need to share the things between him and her but the point at which I got a touch alarmed is when I realized that some of his post-divorce future was based on the idea of a considerably more 'developed' is that the word? relationship with me.
It would be disingenuous of me to suggest that it wasn't me he was referring to with the list of preferred partner attributes, all that was missing was the request for a weird accent.
As the talk progresses it also seems that he is quite far down the line of planning how life will be post-divorce; selling the house, child visitation schedule... and then he says it; the 2 options he will present in counseling are a) divorce b) fully open marriage, no more limits on outside relationships. He then says he is viewing the counseling as a way to transition through the divorce process.
In no way have I asked for or encouraged divorce, I have been very straight up in saying that I don't see myself living with someone again. "Run away and be monogamous with me" is not an option, he knows that.
I don't paint single-ish parenting life as being easy (In fact ex went ballistic with me today when I told him about the move). I have even given up asking Kip for any activity that isn't sex and food.
Obviously this is a lot to take in, my main comments were to give the counseling a few sessions and see if things improve and that I will back away either temporarily or permanently if that is what the marriage needs. Honestly, at this point I would miss him terribly, but if he wants to move on with his life then it needs to be on his own terms and to end the marriage as cleanly as possible. This also explains the whole " I miss you" and declarations of adoration of late. I thought he acting somewhat out-of-sorts. He said he would be in touch after the first session tonight. I highly doubt it, not sure if he has an idea of how raw the emotions are going get.
 
Last edited:
I picked the keys this afternoon and moved the first load of stuff over with some help from my BFF. I can hardly believe it has been only 2 weeks from making the offer to moving in. I am hardly ready to move at all, this place is a mess, but as the new place is only 15 minutes away in quiet traffic (40 during peak ), popping back and forth wont be too challenging. Friends are organized to help with the heavy lifting, 2 flights of stairs from ground level the top floor. :eek: This time tomorrow night I should be in bed in the new place, hopefully in the largest bedroom. My 2 have had the big bedroom for the past 3 years and #1 child doesn't quite get that it's time to let mum have it and kids get the small rooms.

My ex has been awful, no surprise there. It will be get worse when he gets court documents next week. If my default gets approved then the divorce is all finished. All kinds of new starts in the new house, a good one being even less contact with him.

Kip has been fairly quiet this week. Not surprising really. The counseling was apparently rough, he "told the wife I am done and she freaked." That is all I know. I suggested we not see each other for a while, he didn't go for that idea. It has all been 3 word or less communications bar the above sentence. I might have a little time next week to see him, but it is not looking likely. I told him a while ago that things will have to change with the new job and now also the new location. Ah. Penny drops. I am backing away and giving them some space anyway, he knows how to find me.

Prof is out of state on holiday until next week. I asked him when was coming back and he said he didn't remember when had booked his flight for but, he had made sure that it was in time for Weds night. I was very touched by that. He also asked me to stay over after the concert on Wednesday this week. I usually end up asking if he wants me to stay over or if it is alright to stay over, I never assume that it ok, and he usually says "sure" or "fine". I have totally latched on Gala Girl's "Joyous Yes." Either say yes or let's not bother. He understands. I had to pin him down in the house too, he kept giving me some sure and ok and fine, responses to a very big money question. I needed a GG YES!!!!!He provided it.

The concert on Wednesday was amazing, the venue is a beautiful outdoor mountain top amphitheatre. It is a very small venue and even the crap seats are very close the stage. I have previously seen James Brown and Liza Minnelli there. One of my all time favourite rock bands played ,they are one of Prof's favourites too. One more concert left from my ticket buying frenzy then done for the year.
I think I am done with everything for the year. Money will be beyond tight at the ex has made it clear he isn't going to help much with the kids and my punishment for moving "without consulting" him is to be whacked with the huge before and after school daycare bills. For tonight, I don't care, because tomorrow I will be on the second floor sleeping with windows open instead of us all sweating on the ground floor with windows locked. :D
 
Internet is on at last.:D
The move was hard work, but aren't they all? I got the beds together on the first night and we stayed in the new place.
On the Sunday we loaded up the camper van to continue moving by ourselves and it broke down in the middle lane of the off/on ramp on the highway during stop and go traffic, then the traffic cleared. I thought we were going to get smashed. It was one of the most frightening experiences ever. People were racing round the corner blaring horns and we were stuck in the middle, the transmission blew. I didn't think getting out and crossing to the side was possible as people were so fast on either side. I called 911 and they sent a car to sit behind us till the tow truck arrived. We got towed back to Prof's place, I loaded up what I could into my car and off we went again.
I have been at work full time, and commuting back and forth till the kids start school. The ex has totally flaked, not been heard from until court this morning. That's a whole other story.
Poly business: Prof is dating more. I had a look at his OKC profile, a few changes, the funny one is something I have said to him a few times. I said, have an open relationship but only have 2 people per relationship, don't let the other partners run the other relationship. He wants someone to go on camper van trips too :rolleyes: :D He has a date on Saturday and had one last night. I am seeing him on Friday and Sunday. We sat and did calendars last night and he gave me a coupon for a free companion flight and asked to me to see what I could do with my schedule. We also made a table of rooms, stairways etc and sex things to do in each area. It will take a while to fill all the boxes. :p I feel that I am happy with what we do in the time that I have, and I am glad he is getting out there again.
He has been beyond wonderful with helping with the move and did some set-up while waiting for the internet man to turn up, I didn't want to ask him but the window they gave me was huge and I couldn't take more time off work.

Kip, hmm. I don't know how that is going to work out. My schedule will be very inflexible for a good while, if not forever. I asked him to try asking Mrs Kip for some weekend or evening time, of course things are not good there, he said they are not going back to the counseling, but If he cant make it work occasionally then...He told me to stop scheduling and just give everything time to settle down. I want to see him. I don't want to "wait and see." Impatient? Moi?

I am very happy in my new house and the kids are happy too :D
 
I am going to book some cleaners to help with the old apartment and new house. I am beat driving back and forth all week and then studying until late at night. Time to admit I just can't do everything by myself this week.

Kip said he can't come to see meet next week at all due to work. I am disappointed. I know he has a lot on his plate right now and I will just have to suck it up. I don't like not seeing him for extended periods, which to me is more than 2 weeks. I get it though, it was me who said no to this week due to the move and work.

Prof and I went to a BD talk thing last night and then came back and moved furniture and boxes. He is getting a little better at not telling me, "You really should..." He has great ideas but I am just not in the right place to hear them. Once class is finished I can focus on house things but right now it is get boxes unpacked, get to work, take care of kids and just keep life moving along.

He had dinner with Ms Admin on Tuesday. She wanted to meet to tell him her new partner and her agree to an open relationship but with new partners only. So Prof is out.

Ms White Picket fence texted to tell him she had broken up with her boyfriend and was interested in reconnecting. He is not.

We had a little bit of a relationship check in. He talked about the dinner with Ms Admin and tonight's date, Ms Fish, is a previous partner. He said he wasn't sure what he wanted for his "next big thing" meaning relationship.

I had a bit of a think about that statement and when I popped back to his his place to drop something off I told him my thoughts. I said I would not allow a new partner to make rules that affected him. I would not break up with him without first making the effort to talk things through, we agreed to stop teasing each other about breaking up, admittedly I am the worst for doing that. And I told him he was very special to me, hugged, a little kiss and left. No more than 10 minutes. He was kind of laughing as I left because that was unusually demonstrative for me. :) And I am done with relationship check-in for a while.
The actions from him say more than the words do. He bought the kids safety googles so he can show them some power tool things. On top of the bloody expensive washer/dryer set he gave me a wireless Blu ray player, bought me some M&M pyjamas last night cause he thought they were funny and cute, he got me a t-shirt from his most recent trip, is paying extra for the transmission job so he can take us all camping again in the van ASAP, invited us all to stay for Labor Day weekend, I bumped into him at the shops this afternoon and he had bought some of the elusive hummus cups for me. So very thoughtful. I plan on making him a few dinners, hardly equal in value but it is what I can do on my budget.
The sex last night was great. He sat me on the washer during the spin cycle and made my head spin. It was very funny, and he timed it so the spin cycle and I finished at the same time. We checked off a few boxes on the list. :D
 
Last edited:
Looks like my last post was eaten by the beast of the web.
The good news...DIVORCED!!!!!!!!! So beyond pleased to be done with that. Wow. 3 1/2 years since I moved out and so many good things have happened. Granted I have worked hard to make them happen, but it has paid off.

The month to month part of the class is done, I hope on Sunday. Then looking forward to all sorts of things to do on weekends apart from clean and do classwork. Prof and I have 2 concerts, a party or 2, and a companion flight on virgin america and airmiles to use too. So the rest of the year is looking full.

The camper van is proving hard to get repaired, no-one does the work, I did a little research too. Prof said he is missing the camping, I am too, so it is a priority. He is out of town until Tuesday but will hopefully find a garage whilst he is away, looks like a couple of hundred miles towing at the minimum, very surprising as we live near a couple of huge cities.

Kip is kind of quiet. Apparently things are still not going well with Mrs. Kip. It is hard to know what is the truth and what is not with him, I take it all with a pinch of salt. They maybe had their third counseling session. He also has a surgery scheduled in a couple of weeks and is nervous about the biopsy. I think it is hard to contemplate leaving a partner when there are possible health issues. Who will bring you tea and grapes in bed? I am being flippant but he was worried, and I am sorry that I am not allowed to go and see him. Maybe we can make an exception this time.

He did come over briefly on Wednesday for a look at the the house and a quick naked sexy time. I ended up hustling him out after less than an hour, a little frustrating for both of us. No tea and chat time :( Also seems that the promised end of summer hotel night isn't going to happen either, gone the same way as the beginning of the year hotel night. :rolleyes:

All in the all things are going very well. Don't you just hate to say that out loud?
 
Last edited:
10 classes in 12 months! I freaking rock. My poor kids will be glad to get me back. I can finish most other stuff at my own leisure to some degree and we can get back to activities. During break time this afternoon we went for a walk and collected 2 bags of wood for camping so I will try to book a night somewhere in 2 weeks time.
I also got my keys handed in to the old apartment, she with-held $700 from the deposit for repairs, eek. Hopefully, I will get most of it back, but I have to be honest and say I did not leave it perfect, just wasn't time and maybe 2 sets of broken blinds.
I am awful, I am thinking about what I can do next, like I haven't got a house and garden to deal with plus a thesis and internship to finish, oh yes and the new job job. My thoughts mainly turned to dating OKC time again? Nothing wrong with a little dinner and a lot of fucking is there?
 
I found out that I have another 2 month long class to do :( and am using this month "off" to do battle with my internship projects. So no OKC for a while. I set myself the challenge to finish my classes before any new dates.
I am seeing Prof a lot. He came back from his trip on Tuesday and came straight to see me at 9pm. Had a very fun Wednesday, I gave him tour of my office building and we had some fun in my office ;) after hours, though the cleaners were there. It was a little too busy for my liking. Would not have been good to get caught bending over my desk so soon :eek:
I am spending Fri and Sat night with Prof, but will come home to unpack a few boxes and he wants to pull apart the camper. That will be 5 nights this week in a row. He is on his round now for an hour or so.
Kip has gone virtually radio silent. I tried to chat a couple of days ago, it was a few brief lines and he excused himself from the conversation quickly. I am not sure what is going on, this is becoming a pattern with him and I don't like it.
I made time for him despite 3 major changes going on my life and still having to parent 2 children. I have little sympathy for "I'm busy" and not checking in now and then, he gets stroppy quickly if he perceives a lack of response from me.
Speaking of kids, I paid out $1,230 in daycare for this month and one week of last. My ex was complaining about the drive being so far. 5.6 miles @@ and could I pay for more after school care! Suuuuuure. Luckily my new house has a oil well in the back garden and I am pulling 10,000 barrels out a day.
And I have to go for an MRI, I have the symptoms of having had a mild stroke, hopefully is only stuff caused by the migraines but there seems to be some permanent and unusual vision issues and some other neurological stuff going on. ho hum
 
I messaged Kip on Friday to say " is weird when you drop out of contact for extended periods", that got a few sentences reply before he dropped out and today I wrote "Feeling quite disconnected from you these days." Honestly, I am reassessing the relationship. he has done this before, but it doesn't really suit my communication style, a little contact but regular is acceptable. It has been nearly 2 weeks since the brief 1 hour meeting and in total I think I have seen him twice in 6 weeks.
So, the Prof news is the "love" news. We got a little tipsy on Friday night and the last thing that I distinctly remember was laying in bed, facing each other, he looks at me and says "Atlantis, I love you." I panic, close my eyes and go to sleep. I wake up in the morning and spend 30 plus minutes wondering what to do this information bearing in mind we had been drinking. As close as I get to it is asking him about it is what we talked about before going to sleep. He says just goodnight, there was sex and then I feel asleep, he puttered around the house for a bit and then came to bed too. I spend the day wondering if he has forgotten, is avoiding it or what is going on.
I did, howeve,r ask him last night after dinner because it was driving me loopy. He said no way it happened, there was sex, I had my back to him and fell asleep. but yes, he does love me. I totally made it up? Apparently so. And I do believe him because he had to fill in more details of what happened during the evening. I am a little freaked that I made it up, I can go with it being a very vivid dream but am a little distressed to be honest and he wants to talk about the love part. The love part was mostly about caring deeply and another word I forgot, he said didn't want to discuss the definition of love but what I thought about him saying it and that he thought I was had been working up to it recently. I said I care for him deeply too, I missed him when he went away last week, he said he missed me too. He is putting off buying his new car until he gets the camper fixed cause he loves to spend time with me in it and we have so much fun. The dude is so OCD about getting the camper repaired,. He is going to interview 2 repair garages next week before he lets them touch it @@ We had a pretty great weekend of sex and laughing and more sex and tea and sex, talking and sex. I don't know if I love him. I miss him, look forward to seeing him, enjoy his company, have a lots of fun doing silly stuff. I suppose that is one definition of love.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top