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  #11  
Old 05-22-2018, 03:56 PM
sexyserb sexyserb is offline
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Dgmon

You can read my posts if you want to for any questions you may have, but this is about YOU , not me. You are not my husband, do not look like him, do not think like him, etc. Yes there are some similarities but more differences, one big one that you are not married with children for starters.

Let’s start and again dispel this “cuckold” thing. The fact is if you google “men’s fantasies”, one that will pop up on every list is to see their wife or girlfriend have sex with another man. But very few ever go through with it an a smaller percentage by far incorporate it into a long term committed relationship. Now remember, you are on a polyamory forum so yes I am sure gathered are folks here who are going to tell you this works great but remember, you are part of the real world. You have no desire to explore this so cuckold should not be in your vocabulary.

The reason people are telling you to split given your strong feelings on not being with someone who wants casual sex on the outside is because since she has already expressed to you that she will not make any assurances to you that she will not trample your feeling again, what are yours options.????

Your GF, by reacting the way she did, has through her actions, which are more important than words, told you that what most likely is in store for you is this
(1) she may grudgingly accept your decision and tell you she will not do this. But you will wake up every day wondering if her resentment will lead her to get her way by cheating on you. And remember, those that have only casual sex and do not become involved with others emotionally rarely get caught. Most books will tell you that ONS are rarely caught if they stay that.
(2) lets say you suck it up and try this, it is also likely since most women become emotionally involved if they enter into repeat sexual relationships even if they do not intend to. So when you say you cannot take the thought of her going out and getting “pounded” and then coming home all happy, how will you feel when going out and getting pounded becomes not coming home because she wants to spend the night with him, then proceeds to going away weeks ends, then wanting you to meet him, and then spending a percentage of time living with him. None of those might happen but ALL of them are possibilities and the first couple are highly likely. Now, you might get lucky and find someone to spend time with to take your mind off of this but what happens if that does not last.

All I am trying to do is make it clear to you , and responsible practitioners and proponents of all forms of non monogamy will verify if you read the literature, is that in ANY relationship of this type you are heading on a path that can destroy a relationship as well as help it and when one partner is no all in, you have low chances of success.

Now notice on here there is no mention of ME. That is because good advice to you will not be projecting what I did or believe on you but will lay out the options and possibilities and then YOU decide.

You cannot control your girlfriend, but as others have said you can control YOU. If you have any specific questions you can PM me .

Live your life the way you want to and you will be happy, not miserable trying to cope with a relationship style that is not acceptable to you.
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  #12  
Old 05-22-2018, 04:10 PM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is offline
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Ok, this cuckold thing has been bugging me. Poly guys who's wives and girlfriends date other men are not cuckolds. The thought that they are comes from some societal patriarchal bullshit in which it is not considered manly to allow one's woman to fuck someone else. So the fact that the OP even considers it that says loads. He is nowhere near ready for any form of non-monogamy.

Quite frankly, I am surprised so many people took that at face value.
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  #13  
Old 05-22-2018, 04:32 PM
lunabunny lunabunny is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vinsanity0 View Post
Ok, this cuckold thing has been bugging me. Poly guys who's wives and girlfriends date other men are not cuckolds. The thought that they are comes from some societal patriarchal bullshit in which it is not considered manly to allow one's woman to fuck someone else. So the fact that the OP even considers it that says loads. He is nowhere near ready for any form of non-monogamy.

Quite frankly, I am surprised so many people took that at face value.
I could be wrong (and the OP can correct me here), but I took his use of the word cuckold less literally than that... more as a metaphor for how he'd FEEL in such a situation (humiliated, degraded, jealous) because even if he "allowed" it (consented under duress), at heart, he doesn't actually WANT his girlfriend to be fucking other men.

Men who are into cuckoldry as a kink, often do it because they get off on feeling the jealousy, "shame" and humiliation of watching or knowing their wife/gf is having sex with other men. Because the OP specifically does NOT wish to feel that way, he used that term.
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  #14  
Old 05-23-2018, 05:05 AM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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Vince, I hope you won't object, but I want to peel that quote off to start another thread.

You're correct: the term has been bandied about so often that I've "gone blind" to it. Thanks for calling my attention to the ramifications.
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  #15  
Old 05-23-2018, 05:36 AM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravenscroft View Post
Vince, I hope you won't object, but I want to peel that quote off to start another thread.

You're correct: the term has been bandied about so often that I've "gone blind" to it. Thanks for calling my attention to the ramifications.
Feel free. I almost made it a separate post myself.
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  #16  
Old 05-28-2018, 03:19 PM
dgmon174 dgmon174 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lunabunny View Post
I could be wrong (and the OP can correct me here), but I took his use of the word cuckold less literally than that... more as a metaphor for how he'd FEEL in such a situation (humiliated, degraded, jealous) because even if he "allowed" it (consented under duress), at heart, he doesn't actually WANT his girlfriend to be fucking other men.

Men who are into cuckoldry as a kink, often do it because they get off on feeling the jealousy, "shame" and humiliation of watching or knowing their wife/gf is having sex with other men. Because the OP specifically does NOT wish to feel that way, he used that term.

Thank you.
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  #17  
Old 05-28-2018, 03:21 PM
dgmon174 dgmon174 is offline
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Default Thanks Everyone

I want to thank you all for your responses. We are currently not discussing this because we are going through something much more difficult.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=105284

Thank you all for your input.
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