crazyinlove
New member
Hello. This may be long, but I need to know if I am crazy, am I wrong, is my thinking off?so I stumbled into a polyamorous relationship a little over a year ago. I am a lesbian who dated a married woman for one year. This was my first experience in polyamory. Ive never been in a open relationship before. The woman i was with wanted polyfidelity with me. There were times I felt I wanted another girlfriend but she would tell me that i can but if i do our relationship would change and she hoped we could still be friends. That she wouldnt be ok if i were sleeping with others. *I was fine with that the problem arose when i experimented with her husband (which she manipuated) by locking us out of her bedroom while we were drunk, telling me to roll around with him in bed, telling me I am really not a lesbian.. This woman was diagnosed with some psychological problems. BPD and another disorder. I dont know if tat as anything to do with her mood swings.
I loved her husband as a friend, told him this after i ended the drunken, sexual encounters. I began to resent her and him bc it was always the three of us. She and i never had dates alone, she never came to my house. We broke up for 2 weeks in February. We got back together after much discussion. Everything was good, she was making small changes, started telling me how she resented her marriage, how she was embarrassed to admit she is married, identifed as a lesbian but only bi bc of him.*
She would tell me how she wished she and i had a house together so we could buy furniture, cook together. How he is only her best friend and didnt care if they had sex bc she had me. That he doesnt touch her, how in love she was with me..blah blah... Hw she wAnted to live with me part time and with him the other half. She would tell me that the only reason she is poly is because she likes women. She wanted a mono relationship with me. I asked her to stop telling me these things because it wasnt right.
She said these tpes of things constantly. Messed with my head a little. Her hubby drank a lot...i guess he is an alcoholic..would come on to me, make sexual comments..no respect...burst in on us having sex...she wanted him to have his own gf...anyway three weeks ago she and i celebrated our one year anniversary. I spent $120 on dinner and another $80 taking her out all night. The week prior she was begging me to go on vacation with her and him.
Two days after our anniversary she broke up with me. Told me when i was ready we could be friends. I was blown away. I was not the kindest. She did this over facebook. I told her no way and other things.
She blocked me on facebook. Wont talk to me(i only contacted once to apologize for not being nice) she ignored me. Week number one I find out she is on okcupid looking for a new girlfriend.
I am soooo hurt, sick, anxious and cant seem to wrap my head around what hapened.
Was the relationship a lie? Did she love me? Ive had breakups before but ths one at 39 years old is the most hurtful i truely loved this woman.*
Its like who is thus person? I was attached to her grandbaby, her family..i was left completely abanndoned, alone....
The last thing she said to me was "you will be alone for the rest of your life." blocked me on facebook and completley ignores me. What reaction did she expect from me 2 days after our anniversary and she breaks up saying lets be friends. I was nice
The woman went from hot to cold with me. I loved her more than anyone i have ever loved in all my life. I am so sick over it. I cant come to terms with what she said and did. I thought she really loved me. I feel so stupid, disposable, like i never mattered. Her last two girlfriends hate her and they were experienced in poly.
She tried to tell me i am not poly. That pisses me off bc I am poly. I was ok with her marriage until she started the husband bashing.
I do need counseling. I feel really messed up, depressed, used, abanonded, confused. Who lets someone spend hundreds of dollars on a one year anniversary then breaks up two days later. That anniversary was special too me.
Poly people need to heal too right? Am i crazy? Is mourning a year relationship in a week normal? Am i not normal bc i am still sick over it
I am really feeling messed up in the head. I am seeking professional help tomorrow.
I loved her husband as a friend, told him this after i ended the drunken, sexual encounters. I began to resent her and him bc it was always the three of us. She and i never had dates alone, she never came to my house. We broke up for 2 weeks in February. We got back together after much discussion. Everything was good, she was making small changes, started telling me how she resented her marriage, how she was embarrassed to admit she is married, identifed as a lesbian but only bi bc of him.*
She would tell me how she wished she and i had a house together so we could buy furniture, cook together. How he is only her best friend and didnt care if they had sex bc she had me. That he doesnt touch her, how in love she was with me..blah blah... Hw she wAnted to live with me part time and with him the other half. She would tell me that the only reason she is poly is because she likes women. She wanted a mono relationship with me. I asked her to stop telling me these things because it wasnt right.
She said these tpes of things constantly. Messed with my head a little. Her hubby drank a lot...i guess he is an alcoholic..would come on to me, make sexual comments..no respect...burst in on us having sex...she wanted him to have his own gf...anyway three weeks ago she and i celebrated our one year anniversary. I spent $120 on dinner and another $80 taking her out all night. The week prior she was begging me to go on vacation with her and him.
Two days after our anniversary she broke up with me. Told me when i was ready we could be friends. I was blown away. I was not the kindest. She did this over facebook. I told her no way and other things.
She blocked me on facebook. Wont talk to me(i only contacted once to apologize for not being nice) she ignored me. Week number one I find out she is on okcupid looking for a new girlfriend.
I am soooo hurt, sick, anxious and cant seem to wrap my head around what hapened.
Was the relationship a lie? Did she love me? Ive had breakups before but ths one at 39 years old is the most hurtful i truely loved this woman.*
Its like who is thus person? I was attached to her grandbaby, her family..i was left completely abanndoned, alone....
The last thing she said to me was "you will be alone for the rest of your life." blocked me on facebook and completley ignores me. What reaction did she expect from me 2 days after our anniversary and she breaks up saying lets be friends. I was nice
The woman went from hot to cold with me. I loved her more than anyone i have ever loved in all my life. I am so sick over it. I cant come to terms with what she said and did. I thought she really loved me. I feel so stupid, disposable, like i never mattered. Her last two girlfriends hate her and they were experienced in poly.
She tried to tell me i am not poly. That pisses me off bc I am poly. I was ok with her marriage until she started the husband bashing.
I do need counseling. I feel really messed up, depressed, used, abanonded, confused. Who lets someone spend hundreds of dollars on a one year anniversary then breaks up two days later. That anniversary was special too me.
Poly people need to heal too right? Am i crazy? Is mourning a year relationship in a week normal? Am i not normal bc i am still sick over it
I am really feeling messed up in the head. I am seeking professional help tomorrow.
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