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Whoa, what? :confused: How am I hurting many? There's not been anybody else in 7 years that was remotely interested in me.

And the two guys I mentioned in my OP would never have been okay with sharing. Not in a million years.


Like I said, it was tongue in cheek. You only hurt the ones you turned away. If you didn't turn them away, and they couldn't handle poly in the first place, you probably didn't hurt anyone.

At some point, you have to develop your own moral standards, or choose those which are spoonfed by a religion or the society in general. I didn't like being spoonfed by a bunch of (excuse my reference) "trained monkeys" who were trained by the monkeys before them, and apparently were misguided into thinking that you can spend your life loving just one other person, and the rest of the world can go to hell. It just doesn't create a great societal model, if you can understand that relational thought.
 
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Is that directed at me?


If you want it to be.

Can't one say something about a topic, without it being directed "at" some individual?

I made the comment

I think it's unfair to assume that just because someone CAN be in love with more than one other person, that it means they are SEEKING to do so.

because of this statement:

Most of us don't fall in love on purpose. So making a second emotional connection is more like finding a four-leafed clover- it's a lucky accident. Spending a lot of time in clover patches can increase the odds, however.

But the first comment was not directed "at" Raleigh Guy. Just because someone makes a remark, it doesn't have to be a counterpoint. It was about something I've observed in real life.

I'm not explaining this any further. If I offended anyone, then I'm sorry they were offended.
 
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Why isn't one person enough?
Do you have more than one friend? If so- why? Isn't one friend enough? Actually, if you have any friends: why isn't your partner enough for you? Why do you need friends when you've got your partner?

I don't put enough distinctions between relationships- I don't see how a friendship is so different from a romantic/sexual relationship. I know they are different, but I don't see why your partner is the only relationship where you're limited to one. People can have many friends, even several best friends, etc- yet having more than one partner is inconceivable. Why does it make sense that one friend isn't enough, but is inconcievable that one partner isn't?

i am queer and many of my friends are too. many of us have in our youth grappled with the old chestnut "why am i not heterosexual?".
Offtopic, but I never wondered that. I never once wondered why I was asexual, transsexual, or anything else. I more wondered what was wrong with everyone else in the world that they weren't, or assumed that everyone else really was. :rolleyes: Ah, youth.
 
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Cherrygirl, what are your thoughts now? You've gotten a lot of good feedback. Just curious.
 
@ YGirl, I wasn't offended.

@ StarGazer - To be completely honest with you, I have Asperger's. I have many acquaintances, but not anybody I could consider a friend, besides him.

@ Danny - I don't know what I think. I think I'm more confused now.
 
@ StarGazer - To be completely honest with you, I have Asperger's. I have many acquaintances, but not anybody I could consider a friend, besides him.
My partner is my best and only friend, as well. That makes more sense about your problem- can't give you an answer.

If I found people, and the magic combination that'd let it work with me and my partner- I think I'd love it. I don't need that many people, and having a select few very close-knit friends/partners who are essentially married (legally or not) to each other in a family seems like a wonderful idea. It's not all there is to poly, I know there are problems, all relationships have problems, but that's basically what I'd like. A triad or quad or whatever like that. Basically a family with more than 2 adults living with and supporting each other and any offspring. Things like that always seemed like a more than 2 person job for me- I'd probably be happy with a non-traditional family, the love and such is more important than the romantic relationships or partnerships. So I don't know where I stand.


Most "normal" people (the ones who look like your from outer space because you like not having friends :mad: ) use the same logic, or something along hte lines of how while it's okay to have as many frineds as you please- having more than one partner is wrong. Which just makes no sense to me. But if your partner is your only real friend as well- I can certainly understand the confusion.
 
I did say in my second post about my best friend, but I haven't seen her in like three years. We just kind of drifted apart. So, he really is my only friend. His best friend likes me, and considers me a friend, but I barely know her or her family. It feels kind of odd to be called a friend by somebody I don't really know.
 
I never once wondered why I was asexual, transsexual, or anything else. I more wondered what was wrong with everyone else in the world that they weren't, or assumed that everyone else really was. :rolleyes: Ah, youth.

yes i was like that a bit
 
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I didn't like being spoonfed by a bunch of (excuse my reference) "trained monkeys" who were trained by the monkeys before them, and apparently were misguided into thinking that you can spend your life loving just one other person, and

No offence my friend, but if this is truly your views on all people in lifelong monogamous relationships you may want to consider some anger management or at least tolerance counselling. This forum is generally about finding understanding and ways to improve poly relationships, not attacking specific love styles. Some people actually do spend their life loving just one other person, to think otherwise is very close minded and therefore un-polyamorous.
 
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why am I poly, or more to the point why does poly work for me?

well, for me thats easy, I've spent far too much of my life thinking and trying to deicde what I want, why I want it, how I want it, why I don't want somehting else and so on............... simply put, I've found my answers.

I AM bisexual, not confused, not greedy, not unwilling to choose, I AM poly, not mono, not confused or anything else. You see, what I discovered along the way to discovering myself is that irregardless of what I try to do, I continually love more than one person, it really is that simple. And for all involved being honest and open and up front about it, is soooooooooo much better and less harmful and less painful then trying to force myself or anyone I love into a box/label/idea/norm we just don't fit into.

what makes me love more than one? that I really don't know, I simply know I do and I am never ever going to lie, or try to be something I'm not or pretend in any manner about it ever again. That way lies far too much pain I've found.

for those who are mono, well thats great for them. mono to me is as foreign as being heterosexual. i thought i was because i didnt know the way i felt was something different, and i was always told/shown/instructed 'love looks like this, it doesnt look like your mind suggests'.

i'm just different, and my love is different.
 
ADMIN: Attention, folks.

I've removed several posts from this thread. Just so y'all know, if posts wander OT and aren't useful tangents, they'll be removed from a thread. You can wander off on tangents that are useful and positive or neutral--if things aren't useful and get toxic, the messages will get deleted.

I have yet to play with all of the controls available, though I expect I can put folks on moderation if necessary. I really don't want to do that--plus I doubt Olivier would want us to do so--but I certainly will to keep the discussion reasonable.

You're free to respond to other people's ideas. The converse of that is this: criticism of your ideas is not criticism of you as a person. If you get offended simply because somebody disagrees with you, it's your problem; if you make it ours, expect deletions and so forth.

Passive-aggressive snark is also troublesome, so expect that to have consequences, too.

We've been working on a set of guidelines to post and I find that they need to be expanded a bit. I'll work to get those posted this weekend for one and all to read. Once those go up, you'll have those to draw on to know what is acceptable and what is not.
 
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