I was first thinking that this was a post for the general poly board but the post is also about things specific to my situation. I'm interested in both general answers to the question and advice on my specific situation.
To what extent is it reasonable to be expected to spend time/hang out with one's metamour(s)?
My partner has besides me another partner, both of these relationships she values highly, and she would really like for us all to hang out together more than we do now. I'm not completely comfortable with this however and think that I'm reasonable in this position.
This has potential to be damaging to my relationship with my partner so I wonder what your views are on how much one can expect one's metamours to hang out together and to what extent one can allow one's (potential) insecurities about a metamour dictate this?
Some relevant background on my situation is that there's some bad blood between me and my metamour stemming from a heavy (personal) situation that was beyond anyone's control but which affected me greatly. So there are definitely insecurities on my part that I'm/we're working out.
We are also friends since before meeting our partner so we do have context where we hang out (that also includes our partner).
My position on this is in short that I'm reasonable in requesting that we hang out without the metamour in contexts where I'm not comfortable doing so but that there are contexts where this request is unreasonable (for a crude example of the different contexts, say, that it is reasonable to exclude the metamour from a dinner party but completely unreasonable to exclude the metamour from a common acquaintance's birthday party).
Me requesting to not include the metamour happens to the expense of my partner and the metamour but including the metamour in certain contexts happens on my expense. I think the balance between this has generally worked out but we have had two recent grey area situations where I've felt reasonable in requesting not having my metamour present but that has not landed so well with my metamour and/or partner. So I'm struggling with to what extent I should adjust (something I want to do but has potential short-term negative effects on my well-being) and to what extent my partner should just accept this. Thus prompting this post.
To what extent is it reasonable to be expected to spend time/hang out with one's metamour(s)?
My partner has besides me another partner, both of these relationships she values highly, and she would really like for us all to hang out together more than we do now. I'm not completely comfortable with this however and think that I'm reasonable in this position.
This has potential to be damaging to my relationship with my partner so I wonder what your views are on how much one can expect one's metamours to hang out together and to what extent one can allow one's (potential) insecurities about a metamour dictate this?
Some relevant background on my situation is that there's some bad blood between me and my metamour stemming from a heavy (personal) situation that was beyond anyone's control but which affected me greatly. So there are definitely insecurities on my part that I'm/we're working out.
We are also friends since before meeting our partner so we do have context where we hang out (that also includes our partner).
My position on this is in short that I'm reasonable in requesting that we hang out without the metamour in contexts where I'm not comfortable doing so but that there are contexts where this request is unreasonable (for a crude example of the different contexts, say, that it is reasonable to exclude the metamour from a dinner party but completely unreasonable to exclude the metamour from a common acquaintance's birthday party).
Me requesting to not include the metamour happens to the expense of my partner and the metamour but including the metamour in certain contexts happens on my expense. I think the balance between this has generally worked out but we have had two recent grey area situations where I've felt reasonable in requesting not having my metamour present but that has not landed so well with my metamour and/or partner. So I'm struggling with to what extent I should adjust (something I want to do but has potential short-term negative effects on my well-being) and to what extent my partner should just accept this. Thus prompting this post.
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