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Old 08-08-2018, 05:06 PM
Thehubby Thehubby is offline
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Default Opening The Doors

I very much like this idea of anonymous honesty. This gives me a forum to share my story without being judged or exposed to the masses. Not sure where, or even if this will go, but here's my introduction and stream of consciousness babble.

I'm 48, my wife is 46 (as of this writing). We have been together for 25 years now; and while the number when taken without context seems an eternity, from our perspective, the time has gone by in an instant.

My wife had a very conservative upbringing in a small town - a formula that often leads to a repressed sexuality. I on the other hand, have always been very open sexually, so I've always tried to provide her with an open, non judgement forum to explore her thoughts, fantasies, and desires.

After years of pillow talk and fantasy chat, we finally decided to try meeting a few couples, going to a swingers club, and she was even open to chatting online. As we explored, she discovered she did not have the same comfort level with me being with another woman. While this hurt at first, after a great deal of reconciliation in my head, I decided that we both love doing this. So even if I couldn't play as well, why should I deny myself the pleasure of watching her and help her explore her desires. On a selfish note, I was / am the beneficiary of her greatly increased labido. For my perspective, I've learned I really enjoy watching her.

We also learned that strangely, sex was not the primary driver / goal for us. As she chatted, she realized that what really turns her on, is the relationship aspect. Dating, boyfriend, flirting, everyday chatting topics, like any new couple would. Though I still cannot get her to articulate what she is actually looking at is a form of a poly relationship (I can't yet mention the word); conceptually, she admits she likes all of the aspects (dating, flirting, just chatting as a couple would, romantic, and yes eventually likely sex as well).

The challenge is that everyone she's chatted to (with the exception of one who is long distance, and unable to ever meet), have all wanted to jump straight to sex without even really getting to know her. It felt to her as though they are just going through the motions to get into her pants.

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, or even falls into the category of "Polyamory". Ultimately, what would work best, is if we found a man, our age or a bit older, whom I had enough in common with that we would be friends. Also, he would be compatible with her, from a personality standpoint. The thee of us would go out and do things together, but they would also have their time, chatting, talking going out, or staying in. Someone who would allow her to explore her boundaries, without pressuring pushing, or judging. I believe this to be virtually impossible to find, so in the interim, I find blogs like this rather cathartic, if not completely confusing to everyone else.

If anyone had the wherewithal to make it through this entire first post, thank you for reading
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Old 08-10-2018, 08:33 AM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is offline
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It shouldn't be too hard for her to find someone on her own. Not sure about having you tag along as a third wheel. That's going to be a dealbreaker for a lot of guys. Basically, you are almost fetishizing the guy.
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Old 08-10-2018, 04:00 PM
Thehubby Thehubby is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vinsanity0 View Post
It shouldn't be too hard for her to find someone on her own. Not sure about having you tag along as a third wheel. That's going to be a dealbreaker for a lot of guys. Basically, you are almost fetishizing the guy.
Thank you for your input and feedback. I may have misrepresented things. I'm not as much looking to tag along, as support their relationship, and occasionally doing things with the 3 of us (with he and I just friends). Having said that, and what I've posted thus far, I'm not sure if we are looking for what could be categorized as a "poly" relationship. To be honest, we don't have a firm handle on what it could be called, but I don't know if we fit in here.

I appreciate everyone's feedback in all previous posts, but I get the feeling we just don't fit here. Perhaps it's because i overthink things, and do a poor job explaining things at times (well most times). Or because perhaps I'm just going about things the wrong way. I have a great way of leaving a bad first impression. Thank you though to everyone, I appreciate the fact that you've taken the time to read through my posts and add insight. Everyone seems very friendly and helpful. I wish you all well
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Old 08-11-2018, 06:35 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thehubby View Post
Thank you for your input and feedback. I may have misrepresented things. I'm not as much looking to tag along, as support their relationship, and occasionally doing things with the 3 of us (with he and I just friends). Having said that, and what I've posted thus far, I'm not sure if we are looking for what could be categorized as a "poly" relationship. To be honest, we don't have a firm handle on what it could be called, but I don't know if we fit in here.

I appreciate everyone's feedback in all previous posts, but I get the feeling we just don't fit here. Perhaps it's because i overthink things, and do a poor job explaining things at times (well most times). Or because perhaps I'm just going about things the wrong way. I have a great way of leaving a bad first impression. Thank you though to everyone, I appreciate the fact that you've taken the time to read through my posts and add insight. Everyone seems very friendly and helpful. I wish you all well
Hey thehubby, don't leave so fast! This is your blog to write whatever you want. You've only had one response.

There are as many ways to do poly as there are people doing it. Especially at first, it can take time to figure out HOW you, (and your partner if you have one) want to date, have sex, allocate time and money, etc., etc.

We often have people coming here with a swinger background, negotiating deeper relationships after the swinging experience, which is in general more casual, and more focused on group sex (exhibitionism, voyeurism, cuckoldry, objectification, etc) than poly is.

So I'd warmly encourage you to stay here, and take anything anyone says with a grain of salt.

Personally, as a poly woman, I have done some threesomes, FMF, FFF, MFM (once). And one long night of FFMF. I liked the MFM the best. I don't really consider it polyamory to have had 3somes, but more of a fetish or kink of mine. And I have lots of other kinks as well.

And if you like threesomes, and your wife does, and you find a guy open to playing that way, why not? It's a free country.

As far as the men getting sexual with your wife before she is ready, well, horny guys are horny. It's pretty common for men I date to be ready for sex on the second date, if not the first. Just so happens, if I like a guy enough for a second date, usually I am open to sexy time. Sometimes I need to give it another date if I'm not quite sure about the guy yet.

But there are women (and men) who are "demi sexual" and don't want to have sex until a firm friendship has been established. And that's OK too! Of course! Some people are grey sexual or asexual and don't want any sex at all, but do want love and romance. Whatever floats your boat, dude.
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Mags (poly, F, 63), dating... again!
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my darling nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
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