On the topic of sex with one SO affecting the sex you have with your nesting ("primary") partner or 3rd partner...
My gf (been together 8 years) and I have joked from time to time about this. For example, we might have a little sex before one of us goes to meet a male lover, and say we are "fluffing" her for her guy. Or vice versa. If one of us has residual excitement after seeing another lover, he has "fluffed" her for when we come back together and have reunion sex. It's all just sort of a flow, not a competition. We find no need to pick it apart to determine just who has aroused either of us. It doesn't matter.
We also don't have any problem with either of us masturbating or looking at porn or whatever. We may have had a few glitches around this particular sex topic at the beginning. I did come from a 30 year mono relationship (despite being poly at heart), so I had a learning curve. But we have great communication skills and worked it out without blaming or harsh words, just kindness and openness and patience.
When I was mono, my ex was never my sole source of arousal. He may have gotten great sex one night because something I saw or did during the day turned me on. Or he might have gotten good morning sex because of a dream I had. Of course, I wouldn't tell him this, being as that could be read as "cheating" in mono culture. Thank god I don't have to pretend anymore.
My gf (been together 8 years) and I have joked from time to time about this. For example, we might have a little sex before one of us goes to meet a male lover, and say we are "fluffing" her for her guy. Or vice versa. If one of us has residual excitement after seeing another lover, he has "fluffed" her for when we come back together and have reunion sex. It's all just sort of a flow, not a competition. We find no need to pick it apart to determine just who has aroused either of us. It doesn't matter.
We also don't have any problem with either of us masturbating or looking at porn or whatever. We may have had a few glitches around this particular sex topic at the beginning. I did come from a 30 year mono relationship (despite being poly at heart), so I had a learning curve. But we have great communication skills and worked it out without blaming or harsh words, just kindness and openness and patience.
When I was mono, my ex was never my sole source of arousal. He may have gotten great sex one night because something I saw or did during the day turned me on. Or he might have gotten good morning sex because of a dream I had. Of course, I wouldn't tell him this, being as that could be read as "cheating" in mono culture. Thank god I don't have to pretend anymore.