Navigating a small social circle

TLWMM

New member
Hello!
Would love to talk and hear from folks about this. I am in a polyamorous relationship with a serious primary partner (Sam). I am having an issue socially, as most folks are aware we are not exclusive and Sam is new in town (fresh meat lol).

Recently my neighborhood bar has become a lot less friendly to me, come to find out many of the folks there are interested in Sam. While it is good to know why my fave bar sux.... i'd like to know how to manage this.

Currently when I go there no one is interested in hanging with me, folks aren't rude, but certainly avoid actual conversation with me. Any time Sam goes to get a drink or I go to the pisser, someone has him deeply engaged and I can't even join the conversation. . . I leave bc it sux for me. Then folks make the move on Sam, he gets some fun make out time YAY! ... but

I want my bar back, what do i do?
 
My first instinct is that Sam is being a sort of less than good partner in that they are going to this bar "with you", then getting sucked away (literally? :D) by other people. I'd make an agreement with Sam that a given evening at the bar is with you and that they don't get to ignore you for other people. If Sam wants to go make out with random people at your bar, maybe it should be when you aren't there?

Once that's in place, I'd bet things will go back to normal after people get used to Sam being around...
 
Honestly? It sounds like Sam could be a better partner to you and make a point to pull you back into conversation or make sure that HE pays attention to you when you're together so that other people don't have a choice but to interact with you and be polite if they want to interact with him. Have you talked to him about how all of this is ruining your time out?
 
Thank you

Thank you icesong and breathemusic - srsly <3

I let Sam know, that I am going to take a break from this bar for a little bit bc it's been a shit time for me lately, and explained why.
Sam said "Ew" in agreement - lol- and that the situation makes him want a break from the bar too. He also said he'd be more aware of these types of situations in the future.
I was pretty anxious to ask anything of him, I hate rules, but in the end he offered to address it and welcomed the info.:D
 
Yay! glad it was reasonably easily fixed!
 
Yeah, taking a break from that bar sounds like a good idea.
 
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