PolyinPractice
New member
I saw this story and, while not exactly mine, resonated very strongly with me. The comments were all...well, I'd like to see opinions here first.
"Hi. This is a very long post and I apologise that I can't keep it shorter, but I don't want to generalise too much. If you don't feel the long bits, my short question is: when you and your primary partner become pregnant, is it common to let go of other relationships for the time being?
"My husband and I recently opened up our relationship in order to explore our conflicting kinks. I found a dom and my husband found a secondary with him he developed a very loving relationship. However, after my dom broke up with me a few months ago, I realized I actually want monogamy. However, since my husband had originally agreed to open the relationship for me (and because I had developed strong feelings for my dom that had me considering leaving my husband) I kept quiet about wanting monogamy in couples counseling. I did mention that wanted to explore D/s with him (he is more of a sadist) but he never took me up on that.
I liked her and I especially liked to see him happy. So I tried hard to be supportive, invite her to our place, visit her when she was sick etc. I ticked out a few times when jealousy hit too hard, but my husband chose to brush those off as me having episodes and I was happy not to go any deeper.
We'd been trying to conceive for several years but told him that I couldn't continue with it because I didn't feel the support from him that I would need to become pregnant because he divided his attention between his girl and me. But a few months after that I discovered I was, in fact, pregnant. In my naïvety I trusted he would stand by my side, given that we had made an agreement that if one of us can't cope with the poly situation anymore, we would stop. And that our marriage would always be above everything else.
At first he agreed to stop seeing her JUST during the pregnancy and a few months after, but after talking to her he reversed his decision and said he would not stop seeing her. She sent me a nasty and pretty judgmental email about what a horrible person I was that I didn't care about my husbands happiness and didn't bother to talk to her in person. Things escalated from there and at one point my husband moved out for a week. After that, I went into such hysterics at the thought of losing him that I promised to try and let him do everything, which is when he came back home. But I couldn't cope. I asked him to compromise and only see her once or twice a month , but he insisted on twice a week. After many sessions with a therapist and much fighting I have realized that if he can't make me and the baby a priority for a year, he's not the type of man I want.
I am now 4.5 months pregnant and looking for a new place to live and a chance to be happy at least the second half of this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, if he wanted to change his mind tomorrow, next week or next month, I would be so glad and am certain we could work things out - so I guess I haven't given that hope up yet.
My question to those of you who have seen more of the poly world for a few months - is this just the price you pay when you get involved in poly whilst you are not really cut out for it? I have a few friends who went back to monogamy during the first 1-2 years of their kids life, but I don't know if that's common or if I only know exceptions. And, if you were pregnant and had a hard time coping - how did you manage?"
Please tell me your feelings about the OP.
"Hi. This is a very long post and I apologise that I can't keep it shorter, but I don't want to generalise too much. If you don't feel the long bits, my short question is: when you and your primary partner become pregnant, is it common to let go of other relationships for the time being?
"My husband and I recently opened up our relationship in order to explore our conflicting kinks. I found a dom and my husband found a secondary with him he developed a very loving relationship. However, after my dom broke up with me a few months ago, I realized I actually want monogamy. However, since my husband had originally agreed to open the relationship for me (and because I had developed strong feelings for my dom that had me considering leaving my husband) I kept quiet about wanting monogamy in couples counseling. I did mention that wanted to explore D/s with him (he is more of a sadist) but he never took me up on that.
I liked her and I especially liked to see him happy. So I tried hard to be supportive, invite her to our place, visit her when she was sick etc. I ticked out a few times when jealousy hit too hard, but my husband chose to brush those off as me having episodes and I was happy not to go any deeper.
We'd been trying to conceive for several years but told him that I couldn't continue with it because I didn't feel the support from him that I would need to become pregnant because he divided his attention between his girl and me. But a few months after that I discovered I was, in fact, pregnant. In my naïvety I trusted he would stand by my side, given that we had made an agreement that if one of us can't cope with the poly situation anymore, we would stop. And that our marriage would always be above everything else.
At first he agreed to stop seeing her JUST during the pregnancy and a few months after, but after talking to her he reversed his decision and said he would not stop seeing her. She sent me a nasty and pretty judgmental email about what a horrible person I was that I didn't care about my husbands happiness and didn't bother to talk to her in person. Things escalated from there and at one point my husband moved out for a week. After that, I went into such hysterics at the thought of losing him that I promised to try and let him do everything, which is when he came back home. But I couldn't cope. I asked him to compromise and only see her once or twice a month , but he insisted on twice a week. After many sessions with a therapist and much fighting I have realized that if he can't make me and the baby a priority for a year, he's not the type of man I want.
I am now 4.5 months pregnant and looking for a new place to live and a chance to be happy at least the second half of this pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, if he wanted to change his mind tomorrow, next week or next month, I would be so glad and am certain we could work things out - so I guess I haven't given that hope up yet.
My question to those of you who have seen more of the poly world for a few months - is this just the price you pay when you get involved in poly whilst you are not really cut out for it? I have a few friends who went back to monogamy during the first 1-2 years of their kids life, but I don't know if that's common or if I only know exceptions. And, if you were pregnant and had a hard time coping - how did you manage?"
Please tell me your feelings about the OP.
Last edited: