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Old 12-30-2009, 06:24 PM
Waeric Waeric is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 3
Default Sink or Swim

20 minutes of typing lost, I've got to remember to do this outside of webpages...

I need help and I think the first step for me is to find someone to talk to... so here is my story:

I've been with my g/f for about a year and a half and love this girl. When we first started dating she let me know that she needed to be able to have relationships with women. Since I'm not one, I feel I can't offer the same things and completely understood. In that year and a half it hasn't come up too often. The one boundary I had was I was the one male companion in her life, as I should be able to fill any needs in that regard. She agreed and felt women was the only external partner she needed and only very occasional.

Fast forward to this December where things have become an issue. She started working on a play a few months ago and started getting closer with one of the male cast members. I started to notice her frequency of mentioning this person and started to internally question. After the show wrapped up she decided to hang out with him outside of this. I let it slide but had intentions on questioning what she was thinking and feeling and letting her know how I felt. I asked and she let me know she kissed him. She felt bad and I wasnt sure what to do. However Christmas was only a few days away so I wanted to try to keep that fun atleast.

After Christmas we talked and talked and I have read Ethical Slut and come to realize it basically describes her. She wants to pursue a relationship with him but wont if I say not to. However at this point I don't feel there is any reason to stop it since it's gone past a point I was comfortable with anyhow.

I'm very conflicted at the moment because I'm jealous of the excitement and feelings she has beyond me. Yet realize that it is possible I can have this too. I cant seem to sort out what I need to feel secure, loved or cared for. It's like I'm looking at her over a fence that I just cant figure out how to cross, but am curious about.

I also feel blindsided by it since we had the boundary one day, to now she is pursuing it today, going on some sort of date with intentions of a sexual encounter. Does it mean it will happen? No.. does it mean sex bugs me? No.. its the level of excitement she has with someone else.

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