hanging out with the boyfriend and his wife

AliS

New member
ok... I am so full of questions since I am new..

Am I right in assuming here that being the girlfriend of the married man, it is totally normal to hangout with the boyfriend AND his wife?? What I mean is... Its normal to go to their place and hang out and totally normal if I stayed the night??

lay it on me....
 
It can become totally normal actually :) I just spent the entire day with my girlfriend, her husband, her parents, and her ex wife...and now I am spending the night and will get up with their son. And it feels very natural to me :)
 
Am I right in assuming here that being the girlfriend of the married man, it is totally normal to hangout with the boyfriend AND his wife?? What I mean is... Its normal to go to their place and hang out and totally normal if I stayed the night??

Yep. That not being normal is a warning sign. If they think it's normal, you're probably good.
 
MUCH better than if you can't do that!
My husband, boyfriend and I hang out together with the kids, our families etc. :)
 
It's been a while due to scheduling and distance but my GF and her BF and I hang out and it is a lovely time. In fact, my second date with her was dinner and convo with the three of us and we've shared several more times of just being together sharing movies, music and personal narratives. Along with the sometimes awkward negotiations around sleeping arrangements (LOL).

I have found that sharing space and events is a wonderful way of helping to keep the other love from becoming some kind of monster onto whom we can project some of the almost inevitable feelings of jealousy, doubt, or whatever upon.

And the beauty is that BF and I have a genuine liking and respect for each other. That just adds to the beauty and depth of the connection.
 
More than..

Absolutely more than normal - it's desirable.
Not everyone exploring these waters has that luxury (for a variety of complex reasons), so be thankful and flow with it.
Just also be aware that there may come times where you find your presence either impractical or complicated. If/when this happens DO NOT take it personally, be hurt or offended ! It's not easy in this society for a triad to function they way they would wish in all social/professional circles. We all wish it could be otherwise - but it is what it is. And it takes time to work in that direction so be patient and not thin skinned.

Good luck - sounds like you have some real potential there !

GS
 
I do the same thing -- "my" weekends are Tuesdays & Wednesdays -- I drive up to their home when I get off work on Tues am (about 7:30am) -- I have a key to the home & code to the alarm system! When I'm here, he stays with me in the guest room! He refers to me as a "partner", not a girl friend. He dates a couple of other women but just here & there. His wife has a lover she's had for over 40 yrs.! She & I get a long great! Like someone said -- this is not only normal but desired! It's great when folks get along! When the 3 of us decide to watch a movie, she & I sit in the recliners & he sits on the floor so he can touch both of us! We've also gone on dates -- the 3 of us! He sits in the middle so he can hold our hands or arms around shoulder! It's great -- he makes both of us feel special!
 
MUCH better than if you can't do that!
My husband, boyfriend and I hang out together with the kids, our families etc. :)

Is it wrong that I have envy for this? Really I'm just being impatient. I know I will meet my bf's wife sooner than later (they are both poly and have been for years, but we live a bit of a distance away and we both have youngish kids). But I have sort of a fantasy of us all hanging out. There's my idealism for you! And I'm excited to meet DW's secondary. She sounds fantastic!!!

In short, I think it's great (I don't care for the judgment of normal, but it does seem normal in a healthy way)!

Good luck!
 
Is it wrong that I have envy for this? Really I'm just being impatient. I know I will meet my bf's wife sooner than later (they are both poly and have been for years, but we live a bit of a distance away and we both have youngish kids). But I have sort of a fantasy of us all hanging out. There's my idealism for you! And I'm excited to meet DW's secondary. She sounds fantastic!!!

In short, I think it's great (I don't care for the judgment of normal, but it does seem normal in a healthy way)!

Good luck!

I don't think it's "idealism" -- I call it - PREFERENCE!
 
I don't think it's "idealism" -- I call it - PREFERENCE!


Thanks Janeb, this is most definitely true. If you pay close enough attention, I find that you have lots of opportunity to learn about yourself on this poly journey.
 
My true journey started April 3rd - I'm far from being the same person now that I was then, thank goodness! I'm learning more & more each day!!! I finally comprehend & accept & practice compersion!!!
 
Update: I've met them both!

Is it wrong that I have envy for this? Really I'm just being impatient. I know I will meet my bf's wife sooner than later (they are both poly and have been for years, but we live a bit of a distance away and we both have youngish kids). But I have sort of a fantasy of us all hanging out. There's my idealism for you! And I'm excited to meet DW's secondary. She sounds fantastic!!!

In short, I think it's great (I don't care for the judgment of normal, but it does seem normal in a healthy way)!

Good luck!

We have a major update due soon and we're going to need input (all good), but for now I'll just say that I've now met DW's gf (has he changed his siggy line yet?) several times and still think she's absolutely lovely and now I've spent the weekend with my bf and his wife. I consider myself incredibly fortunate!!!!
 
I think it's great and perfectly normal to hang out with the wife!! Cricket and I are just building that relationhship after a rocky begining, but it's what I've always wanted. I want my husbands partner and I to get along and be friends, so that he has a more fulfilled life.

It was really hard on all of us when Cricket and I weren't getting along.

It doesn't work out for everyone, and if the personalities don't mesh, I don't think it's the end all. But it will take a lot more work.

Right now our biggest issue is how much time is All of us time and how much is their time and how much is our time. Since we're all getting along so great, it's hard to forget that they need alone time as much as he and I do.

Good luck with it all!!
 
ok... I am so full of questions since I am new..

Am I right in assuming here that being the girlfriend of the married man, it is totally normal to hangout with the boyfriend AND his wife?? What I mean is... Its normal to go to their place and hang out and totally normal if I stayed the night??

lay it on me....

I agree with everyone else :). It's most definitely normal and OK.

I live with Breathes. I date Possibility who lives with his two partners & two kids. We all get together and just hang out, do the one on one thing, take breaks from each other, etc. In fact we had a non-Thanksgiving dinner together & it was so fun we want to do it again!

Enjoy and have fun!
 
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