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Old 02-01-2011, 07:31 AM
bella123456 bella123456 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 182

I had a quick read of her blog - She comes across as very impressive in her capacity to understand the cycle and her emotions. Ups and downs to be expected, of course.

When I forced my emotionally abusive ex-partner to leave...he dragged out the picking up of his stuff no end. He still had keys at this point..

We'd arrange a time when I would be absent for a number of hours and he would commit to coming and getting his stuff. I'd arrive home after being absent for hours and there was no sign he had come. All his stuff was still here. He would argue he still needed the keys...so he could pick up his stuff....leading me to sleeping at night with bookcases up against the front door...thinking at least if he comes the bookcase falling over will wake me up and I can run out the back door. Oh, to think that was my life !!

The arranging to pick up stuff happened on quite a few occasions. Eventually I worked out this was all part of the behaviour that I'd put up with for so long. He was disempowering me yet again. I had no capacity to get his stuff out of my house (which I really needed in order to close things off). Yet again I had no control. And here I was leaving my house on numerous occasions so he could come get his stuff ? What ? Here I was yet again changing my behaviour/actions and schedule for his benefit.

He turned up at a neighbours party that I was at. He had not been invited and the neighbours looked shocked and appalled....they couldn't work out how to get rid of him...and they were polite. They were aware of the history..

I excused myself and left. I then went home and carried every box, every book, every piece of furniture, lamps, pots & pans out to where he had parked his car - which was quite a distance down the road. It took me a couple of hours. My arms were sore, bruised and bleeding. But I swear - I moved that stuff with the strength of hercules. I was a robot, one box after another...

And I returned to the party and said "your stuff is by your car, can I have my keys back please ?"
Grabbed my keys and left.....I think I heard him complaining that it wouldn't all fit in his car - But I wasn't really listening

I'm not suggesting she has to do that. That's just a story that makes me smile
And a warning that his stuff still being in her house could potentially play a role in ongoing manipulation..
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abuse, abuse of power, abusing partners, threat

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