Only 6 months for HSV-2

Hinegardner

New member
I have had genital herpes for almost 3 years. I am looking for some friends who are willing to talk about it. I only had one outbreak when I was diagnosed, but I don't know what to do if I have viral shedding or if some day I get another outbreak. I am afraid I will never find anyone who would spend his life with me because of this. I took every precaution that I know. I was very depressed. I'm really hoping to hear of some new treatment for this. Thanks for your advice and response.
 
HSV-2 is not that big a deal. Something like 1 in 8 men and 1 in 4 women have it already. It is likely that a good many potential sexual partners you meet already have it.

It's not too much of an inconvenience, I've heard, after the first few outbreaks (which can be severe). There are antiviral medications you can take during an outbreak to shorten its length and lessen its severity, and those are best talked about with a doctor, not me.

Avoid sexual contact when you have an outbreak--it's the time you're most likely to pass it on. The disease can shed asymptomatically, also, though that is much less common. Also, use condoms. It doesn't totally negate risk, but it really helps.

I don't have any HSV, but a guy I'm seeing (Sven) has HSV-1. He has had it for many years and rarely gets outbreaks anymore. My husband and I talked about how we were willing to assume the small risk of my getting HSV-1. Sven has had one outbreak (the first for several years) during our involvement. I didn't engage in any contact with his mouth until it had cleared up. It was a little over a week. Not a big deal.

Don't panic. You'll be fine! What you have is common.
 
Oh, also, I'm not sure whether you are a man or a woman. If you are a woman, and are pregnant and have an outbreak around the time of delivery, they will do a C-section to avoid passing the virus to the baby.

Also, most people have had at least some kind of herpes in their lives--chicken pox is also herpes! It just has less stigma because we don't associate it with sex.
 
Shingles is a form of herpes also.

Some people feel that herpes is something horrible, others just consider it a pesky skin condition. I guess it depends on where your outbreak occurs. Some people get genital herpes right on their genitalia, others on their butt cheeks, and you can get it on your face. You can have oral herpes (HSV1) on the genitals, too. I assume you know where your outbreak occurs and how often.

A close friend of mine has HSV2 and I spent many nights talking with him about it and helping him find info on it. But he did some fantastic research on his own. I will share what I remember...

Once exposed to the virus, it lives in the spinal nerves. The virus is considered latent while hiding out in the spinal column, but can still become active, usually during times of stress. When an outbreak happens, the virus replicates and travels through the nerves to the skin. The outbreak will always stay localized to the area of the skin that is "served" by the nerves it lodges in (that region is called a dermatone). So, there is no reason to worry about it spreading elsewhere on your body. Some studies have shown that having HSV2 might offer a little resistance to getting HSV1, but apparently there's a lot of debate about that.

HSV can also "shed" its "particles" (and make it possible to infect someone) without any obvious symptoms. Suppressive therapy with a drug called Valtrex, or its generics acyclovir or valacyclovir, is supposed to be very helpful. It prevents outbreaks and suppresses asymptomatic shedding of the virus. It can be taken once a day (this is what my friend does). This family of drugs inhibits viral replication (and therefore shedding) by providing phony DNA building blocks. The virus needs the DNA building block to replicate, grabs the drug's molecule, and is fooled by it. When it goes to attach the next molecule in order to replicate and create a chain that leads to the skin, it can’t find where it’s supposed to attach. The drug doesn’t provide the right attachment for it. Hence, no outbreak or shedding.

Apparently, the drugs in this family seem to work a little differently for different people. So someone he knows had to switch to Valtrex, but my friend found valacyclovir to work really well for him and he doesn't have outbreaks anymore. He also takes supplements like Lysine and herbs to support his immune system. It seems that the reason outbreaks happen during times of stress is because stress affects our immune systems. So, if you strengthen and support your immune system, it can help prevent the herpes virus from finding a "reason" to show up again. Your doctor should be willing to work with you on finding the right suppressive drug for you. My friend says there are no side effects.

Of course, it's still important to use barrier protection during sex, even if you are taking drugs for it.
 
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The reality is that up to 85% of the population has ALREADY been exposed to either HSV1 or HSV2. That means that already have the virus in their body - regardless of symptoms.

This comes from years and years of people thinking that cold sores are "not a big deal" (let me tell you - as someone who has cold sores, they are a VERY big deal)

You CAN avoid transmission. I have it - my husband has never had an outbreak - but we assume he has the antibodies.

How to prevent HSV transmission.
 
This comes from years and years of people thinking that cold sores are "not a big deal" (let me tell you - as someone who has cold sores, they are a VERY big deal)

I think what people mean when they say that is a) you won't die, and b) you're not a bad person because you have the virus.

I forgot to add that other good ways of strengthening your immune system include proper diet, exercise, and rest.
 
I think what people mean when they say that is a) you won't die, and b) you're not a bad person because you have the virus.

I forgot to add that other good ways of strengthening your immune system include proper diet, exercise, and rest.

No - what they mean is that if you have genital herpes, your ass is diseased and you're unworthy of sexual contact.

Having a cold sore is 'no big deal' - in that it doesn't have the same social stigma of being a "diseased whore" - you're just unfortunate that your mother or grandmother or aunt or uncle who had cold sores kissed you as a child.

The reality is that genital herpes is a 'gentler' virus, and that oral herpes is more likely to move around on various parts of your body, potentially causing blindness and other issues if it gets into the brain.

Both viruses like to stay in their "home territory" but will happily take up residence in other locations (IE: oral on the genitals and vice versa)

The viruses share about 50% dna - so they are fairly similar.

What pisses me off the most is the social stigma.

Oh. And the excruciating pain when you pee because you're stressed and having a fucking flare. :cool:
 
No - what they mean is that if you have genital herpes, your ass is diseased and you're unworthy of sexual contact.

Um, that's definitely not what I mean when I say cold sores are "no big deal". "No big deal" means the exact opposite of that.

I can see now that you're talking about how genital herpes has more of a stigma than oral herpes, and that's probably true. Just like I pointed out that chicken pox has less of a stigma than either of those other herpes strains. The more they have to do with sex, the more people judge you for getting it. Because sex is bad, apparently, and you're a bad person if you have sex.
 
My husband has been dating somebody with HSV-2, when she found out she had two people she'd been dating who pretty much broke up with her immediately. She has dealt with a lot of rejection she says. Of course she has also met a lot of people who haven't rejected her, and she has a pretty active dating life. She discloses to people in the first or second message exchange.

The worst part for me is that she said two different poly guys she met on OK cupid said they have it, but only told her because she has it, and they do not tell people they date that they have it.

I went to get tested because after seeing the statistics I figured I should not assume that I don't have it (including that 80% of people who have it don't know) so that my husband wasn't precluded from being more intimate with her on the assumption that we don't have it. I haven't been exposed, but ironically while I was waiting for my results my boyfriends girlfriend ended up testing positive, so there's a holding pattern while they decide what to do. I don't WANT HSV-2 of course, but I do not think the having it is as bad as the social stigma surrounding it, and would not stop being intimate with him because of that. I think a lot more people are willing to take a risk with HSV-2 than you might think/feel at this moment - there was a thread about it recently on fetlife in the poly and kinky group, and mainly it seemed people with compromised immune systems that were more vehement that they couldn't take the risk.

So I would say be matter of fact about it, don't feel ashamed or treat it as if it's something horrible. Have the research read so you can answer questions if people have them. If you meet somebody you really like, don't feel like you can't gently suggest they get tested too since so many people don't know they have it. The less you make is seem like a "big deal" the less others are going to jump to the conclusion it's a "big deal"
 
The worst part for me is that she said two different poly guys she met on OK cupid said they have it, but only told her because she has it, and they do not tell people they date that they have it.
Yeah, this is rather unfortunate. For example, NYC is supposed to have a very high incidence of genital herpes among its population. It is apparently higher here than the national average. Yet, as an experiment, my friend and I did a search on OKC: we selected Everybody, age 18-99, within a 25 mile radius of our zip codes, online in the last year, any marital status, photos don't matter, nothing else specified except the keyword "herpes" - we got only four results! I kid you not. In a city of over 8 million! So, obviously people who have it are not putting it in their profiles, and I would hope they are admitting to it when they meet people, but I doubt that they are.
 
I don't have herpes (that I know of), but when I was diagnosed with genital warts in my late teens I was devastated and thought my love life would be deeply impacted/ruined. Once I calmed down a little and got better about bringing it up matter-of-factly it turned out to be not a big deal -- I've been turned down twice because of it over the years (only ever had the one outbreak but I still disclose) but have had many other partners who weren't troubled by it. One silver lining is that, whether you get turned down for sex/love because of it or not, by disclosing you immediately give the other person a positive impression of you as a trustworthy, honest person with integrity. Anyone who's too blind to see it that way and actually thinks less of you for it isn't someone you need to be dealing with anyway.
 
Yeah, this is rather unfortunate. For example, NYC is supposed to have a very high incidence of genital herpes among its population. It is apparently higher here than the national average. Yet, as an experiment, my friend and I did a search on OKC: we selected Everybody, age 18-99, within a 25 mile radius of our zip codes, online in the last year, any marital status, photos don't matter, nothing else specified except the keyword "herpes" - we got only four results! I kid you not. In a city of over 8 million! So, obviously people who have it are not putting it in their profiles, and I would hope they are admitting to it when they meet people, but I doubt that they are.
To be fair, I don't know anyone who wants their life of disease made public. =P I just assume everyone has it that I meet. That many people have some form or another of it, that it's just best to be safe about it if you really don't want it. I get it breaking out around my mouth a couple times a year probably. I tend to stay away from any mouth contact whilst I am like that.
 
I have to say that herpes isn't something I'd expect someone to disclose on their dating profiles. I'd expect someone to disclose it before we became sexually intimate, however.
 
Yeah, for sure -- but there are definitely many people who are out and loud about lots of things like that, so it just surprises me that only four people out of probably thousands in NYC who belong to OKC included it. I mean, there are Meetups and dating sites just for herpes sufferers, so I figured more would be candid about it on OKC.
 
You know what I almost never hear people talk about with regard to HSV? 1) Very specific safer-sex practices between partners where only one person has it, and 2) the risk the non-infected partner is (un)willing to take during the period between outbreaks. I've seen a little bit of discussion here and there, but not much.

I had a lover, a woman, who contracted HSV from a man who always wore condoms. She thinks she caught it from his asymptomatic viral shedding via his testicles slapping against her. When I sleep with her, I always wear boxers and a condom and I would have thought that her ex-lover would have had the sense to do this, too. I'm curious if other wear/require boxers or other underwear.

I still talk to this woman and she says misses the very specific feeling of unprotected sex with a man, so she's looking for lovers who either already have HSV or who are willing to take the risk of sex "between" outbreaks (asymptomatic viral shedding puts a damper on their really being a "between," right?). So does anyone with HSV practice timed, calculated unprotected sex with the right lover once in a while? Or once you have HSV are your unprotected days completely over?
 
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