New and confused

Rylierose

New member
Hey everyone!
My name is Rylie (duh) and I'm new here (duh). I've been with my husband for 6 years (married for 2) and for the pst 2 years I've really started to feel more and more attracted to women. I had a lot of sexual dreams about women that I felt really guilty about but my husband said that it was okay and. Kemal since I'm bi. Anyway we started to have a lot of issues in our marriage and I decided it was time to explore that other part of myself and see women and he said it was okay. I met a girl and now I'm starting to fall for her. She has a fiancé who's open (I've actually had a threesome with them) but now my husband is not okay with it and it may have exacerbated our issues and we may be heading for a separation. So this is complicated. I appreciate and advice and sharing of experiences! Thank you all!!
 
Rylerose

Not much detail to go on here, but lets start out with the positive aspect, which is that you were communicative with your husband and told him you were bi. So far so good. But that is where the good part ends.

So your husband agrees that it is fine for you to explore your bi feelings, but apparently you never discussed having sex with other men. Or did you????? If not, why would you expect him to be fine with it, and how did he find out about the threesome, from you or by "accident"?????

Your husband also did not do much thinking if there was no discussion of what he was Ok with and what he was not Ok with. Bi means you like men and women and why he would assume that a bi woman you became involved with would not have a male around is beyond me.

Honey, opening a marriage is not the way to cure what ails it. most "experts' will tell you that that will bring out all the fissures in a relationship rather than help it.

Now, since you did not get specific enough to discuss the issues you are having, I think you better start with defining the boundaries if there are going to be any and sticking to them. You asked your husband to accept you with another woman, which he did. if he was clueless about the threesome I don't know why you would automatically accept that he would not now have issues.
 
I'm sorry you feel confused.

I'm actually a bit confused myself because from your post it seems like you have it sorted.

  • You and husband had issues in the recent past. Instead of solving those first, you started dating GF instead. He said he was ok with it. (I don't know why both were ok sweeping the issues under the rug... but it sounds like it happened.)

  • You (dating your GF), (developing feelings for GF), and/or (sharing sex with her and her BF) exacerbated the previous unresolved issues and added some new ones to the pile. Husband is not ok with you dating outside the marriage any more.

  • At this point in time, you and husband are headed toward a separation.

All that sounds kinda solved then. Like there's too many issues, you and husband are not compatible, and to solve it you both have decided to part ways.

What's the confusion about? How to go about living together until divorce things are final? :confused:

Do you not want to separate? :confused:

What is your desired outcome? What do you need help with?

It's hard to give suggestions when I'm not sure what you are asking for/seeking.

Galagirl
 
Last edited:
Greetings Rylie,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It being the intro board, I'm assuming you're not looking for advice (yet), just briefly telling your story to introduce yourself. You just mean that you're open to advice?

I'm sorry to hear that you and your husband are heading for a separation. Maybe it's for the best? I guess it's good that the two of you are being honest with each other, I gather that that is the case. Let us know if there's anything we can do to help.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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