This is a pretty neat thread.
I'm usually able to explain what I'm doing to monofolk in such a way that while they might say they "could never" (usually they say this) they wind up with "but it seems to make you happy, so good for you!" It's the best compromise in understanding we can usually reach...but often they can acknowledge the logic behind many of my points, and how nice it must be to have the kind of ease and honesty I do, and the support and love of so many.
What I seem to encounter a lot, even in more openminded circles such as the kink scene, among mono's is a sort of basic fear that if they are not the partner's only one, then they are surely be compared unfavorably, there is a contest going on, and jealousy is a certainty, a given, a Thing That Will Happen inevitably and cause problems and pain.
Personally, I have never felt or thought that way, ever. Not at puberty, not as a young adult, not during my 18 year faithful marriage, not ever. But I see the world a bit differently from most people I know. I don't hate anyone, I don't have enemies (not even my ex, crazy and scary as he can be) and I don't feel threatened easily. I'm very emotionally steady. I do not yell or scream, I almost never cry, I'm not prone to big feelings when it comes to the typical emotional highs and lows I see people do...though I can sometimes make up my mind that I feel a certain way VERY quickly.
(EDIT: OMG just had a bit of revelation... You guys, do you think that maybe people can accept being wildly negative with emotional displays, including possessiveness and jealousy and feeling threatened and hostile to others...but people are SCARED of "the L word" - LOVE - and inclined to hide joyful or loving feelings or limit them, etc... Is there some kind of ideological link between this behavior in adults in our society, and the fact that with our children, they are permitted a steady diet of violence but expressions of sex, love, and intimacy are verboten, even to the point where little kids exchanging a kiss on the cheek on a playground can be written up for sexual harassment... We are taught/teaching, that hate is more normal and ok than love, all the damn time. WHY DO WE DO THIS??)
Anyways...
I guess I love differently than most.
But the main thing in convincing other people that the way I love is not bad or wrong, is to believe it myself. In the last year or so since getting into poly and the alt community in general, I've learned to give myself permission to be who I am, love as I love, and stop trying to hammer myself into a shape that is more pleasing to what people think is "normal." Again, whether that means loving more than one, or feeling love for someone "too soon" and not being afraid to communicate that, I will lay my cards on the table and if people don't like it, then they don't have to play with me. Because in fact, my emotions are NOT ugly or scary, in and of themselves, and plenty of people see my colors and want to be close to me.
Now back to the core concept of commitment, what really toasts my biscuits is when people assume that since I am not only poly, but SOLO poly...not trying to do family and cohabitation and escalator with anyone...I must just be dating around trying to find the right person to choose for those things, or I am maybe just casually sleeping around, slutting it up and maybe willing to sleep with pretty much anybody. I'm not ashamed to admit that a few men I know have tempted me a bit to play casually, but the odds of it happening with them are not high. But the issue I REALLY have is the expectation that whatever relationships I have are primarily about sex. I have multiple partners, so I must be having orgies all the time and be a total nymphomaniac or something. Nothing could be further from the truth! Not only is sex a lot less frequent than I might sometimes wish, with most of my partners (all but one in fact)...but the main focus and joy of every one of those relationships is the love I have for the PERSON...our intellectual and emotional bonds.
So...I don't know. My relationships aren't committed in the sense that there are demands. We're all very "free will voluntaryist" types. There's no exclusivity and no escalator. But we are damn sure in deeper waters than "casual." We all have our expectations, but none of us are so invested in those expectations, I think, that we'd be furiously freaked out and angry if they were not met by any or all of our partners. We could be hurt, yes...disappointed, certainly...but we respect each other's independent lives too much to clutch at one another like "committed" monofolk seem to do.