Explaining my new love who lives across the globe

Tahirabs

New member
New development. I can't believe how happy I am. I told you all about our "friend" my husband and I met from Finland. Well, we have gotten so much closer. We now are calling each other "girlfriend," at least between the three of us. We have had multiple sexual experiences, but always together as the three of us. After sleeping with my husband all night, she and I lie in bed together every morning before I go to work, talk, kiss, maybe make out. It is wonderful.

My husband is so great. He constantly tells me he just doesn't want to feel like a 3rd wheel, wants to be included, and that he loves K too. He has even told her that a few times, though not as much as I have. The three of us have always been totally open and honest. I have talked with K about her feeling "left out" or "used," and she says she never does.

The bad thing is she goes back home in Dec. I will miss her so much. Every time I think about her leaving I feel my heart breaking. She is such a kind person. She tells me regularly (and is teaching me) to "live in the moment," "be happy she is here now," and to be a "happy and joyful being." I am trying, really. It is just so hard. :eek:

The three of us have even talked about K moving back in with us when she has earned more money back in her homeland. One never knows what the future holds!

Right now K has twisted her ankle and is at home with ice, resting. I hope she feels better soon. I love taking care of her, but I don't like to see her in pain.

Well, I hope this explains things to everyone better. I am sorry for my confusing first post. I have never had an experience like this before.

EVEN MY HUSBAND WILL ADMIT THAT WE HAVE A POLAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP!!! I LOVE IT!!!
 
You sound really happy. Starting out in polyamory is always such a journey. For me it was an enlightening adventure that changed my entire outlook on life. I am a much happier, more open loving person because of my lifestyle.

It sounds like you are all living in the moment, and that's great. But also it's very understandable that you are worried about how you will feel when your new love has to go home. That is going to hurt. It is okay to acknowledge that it will hurt. It also looks like you are talking about a solution, her coming back over. There are many options for long-distance relationships, so it doesn't have to end. For now she is here with you and you can develop things.

:)
Jools
 
Thanks... but why do we fight?

Thank you for the advice. It helps. I am trying to both live for now but think about what we might do in the future. Kind of a hard balancing act.

Last night my husband and I got in a big fight and that always upsets K, as her parents had violent abusive fights. My husband and i get loud and yell sometimes, but we never are violent.

I finally found out that my husband was feeling a little less loved and that there were a few small things he wants me to change. He told me that the only thing that would 100% "fix" things is to split me in two, but he knows that's not possible. He said he loves K, in his own way, but that he does love me more/differently. He said while he likes the sex and the time the three of spend together, he also wants me all to himself.

I said, "Well, it is impossible to have me all to yourself and to have the fun times with all three of us. Doing both at once is just impossible."

He said he knew that and that is why he is so confused. I told him that he is first in my life and that no matter what he asks in regards to the three of us I'd do, even make myself not love K. He said he'd never ask me to do that and that made me very happy. He just wants me to be aware of his needs more.

We talked calmer and deeper one-on-one than we ever have before and I have learned a lot. It is definitely a bumpy road right now, since none of us have been down this path. I told K the next morning that she is helping us to grow closer and has taught me and my husband to communicate better. She said that is all she wants for us. She also said she did not sleep all night because she was worried, thinking about us. I hope things gets better and quick I have so few moments to share with both of them together. ::sigh::

Any advice, anyone?
 
I don't know if you have seen this before, but this is a really good resource for people starting out in polyamory. It helped me and my partners out a lot. I give it to everyone who gets involved with me to read over.

http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html

You guys seem to be on right track. You are talking and being honest. That is the most important thing.

Jools
 
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