So much running through my head. My life is being turned on its head in everyway. My brain is swimming, my heart is broken...my body is healing.
This has been one of the more dynamic months in my life. What a cute way to phrase that. Quitting drinking... breaking up with sourgirl, and in turn, having her as a friend... AA (which is different than not drinking)... Work kicking my ass all over north america.
I am enjoying the challenges, disliking the feeling of .. loss, and enjoying the potential of the future. I have re-created my okc profile, for shits and giggles. I put some thought into it this time. I don't even know what I really want, or what it will bring...considering it may be a pay site soon, I am not even sure how useful it will be. Its interesting to do up profiles on sites. Its lets you see what you think might be interesting to people. I don't do well with online dating, but its still curious to me. I also don't engage people on a dating site... arg.. I am stacking my own cards against me. Pengrah has done up her profile on OKC, so I did a lot of updating to ensure continuity between our profile and her potential dating pool. How very scientific sounding.
In reality, this last year has seen a huge hiatus of friends leave town, in this world, that means they are gone. I have become so accustomed to people leaving my life, that friendship has become disposable... what a mind fuck eh? I am hoping to maybe meet people on OKC outside of biking, AA, computers and poly to be friends with. I need some...outside world distractions.
I am also trying to figure out how friendship works. I have a long disgruntled history with friendship. ... I am trying to figure out how to come to terms with what I consider friendship to be, and what itmeans to other. This is a historical battle in my own head (read a bit above).
Quitting drinking has been easy...AA has been kicking my ass. What an effort at self reflection. A few of the steps are ones that require deep self reflection. And man, does it leave you feeling beaten up. You really look at what made you, how you reacted and what it has done to you, today as a person. Hard to do this when you just broke up with a lover. Its hard not to point my finger at myself and get down. Its a battle worth fighting though.
Work has me hopping. Good timing I guess, between expansion into the states, some problems with our systems internally. I am busy at work. Still hoping for a vacation soon. I need a break without a phone. I have friends in Victoria that have asked me to visit, there are also people on this site I wouldn't mind seeing again
.. Bellingham, seattle, vancouver. I could make a nice round trip and see a lot of people. There is also Ontario. I haven't been home in almost 3 years, I have some friends to see there as well, new and old. Lots of choices.
Ari