My SO's girlfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't know how to deal with her. Everything that SO and I do together is percieved as a challenge to their relationship. She has huge meltdowns. SO will drop everything and run over to help her. I am so tired of the constant drama that I am just giving in and letting her get her way to keep the peace.
Anyone else dealt with BPD? What can I do?
Couple of initial questions. And no I didn't read the three pages previous.
1. Is this actually diagnosed BPD by a mental health professional or is this a label someone's assigned to her? (If yes, got to 2.)
2. Is this something for which she's receiving ongoing care? Either in the form of medication, therapy, or both.
3. How much does your significant other and you know about BPD?
I have more experience with BPD than I'd care to have as a result of work and it can be an incredibly difficult problem to deal with, especially in interpersonal relationships. BPD frequently has other associated problems, it rarely manifests on its own. Most frequent are problems with anxiety, depression, and bipolar behavior if not the full blown disorder.
Talk to your significant other, be sure they are aware of what BPD is and how someone with it operates. Borderline people often create a pretty strong whirlwind around them that is extremely easy to get caught up in.
If she's not getting help currently, she needs to get it. BPD cant ever really be "cured" but you can help someone adjust their thinking patterns and help them be better equipped to handle daily life. If she is getting help but there's no improvement, consider getting her to a new therapist. Plateauing when you've been with one therapist for a long period of time isn't unknown. If its genuinely that intolerable to deal with her, talk to her about medications but keep in mind that you dont have the right to demand that she take medication.
There may be a point you reach where you just really cant handle it anymore and that's not an evil thing. Again, something I have FAR more familiarity with than I ever wanted. Dealing with someone who has some sort of disorder is incredibly taxing and you only have so much to give as a human being. You have to try and keep in mind that this is not fun or enjoyable for her and that if she had a choice, its doubtful she'd have chosen to have a disorder.
At first Chatty was upset and angry, blaming me. Then she all of a sudden (like the next day) became calm and agreeable to Darling. Now she is taking everything very well. Almost too well. I am cautious. Very cautious. Based upon past experiences, this seems too good to be true. Call me paranoid but I see something brewing. Darling, ever the optomist, is estatic that she wants to just be friends. I have had limited contact with her for over a month and Darling wants to re-introduce her into our life as just a friend.
Am I being paranoid or should I prepare myself?
Prepare yourself.