Military folk

Derbylicious

New member
I've been noticing that there are an awful lot of poly-connected people in the military. Do you think it's because those in the military and those who are in relationship with them are "taught" to be more self sufficient rather than co-dependant? You kind of have to learn who you are and what you want when you're faced with being away from a loved one for long periods of time.
 
You may be exactly right, Derby.

Another factor that may contribute is the fact that emotional and physical needs don't get placed on hold when a service member is away, and polyamory is an ethically valid approach to addressing those needs in an honest and open way.

Polyamory beats infidelity any day.

Begin short hi-jack: I would like to take this opportunity to thank the members of the American military and our allies for their service. I know I live freely and joyful because rough men and women stand ready to do violence in defense of our liberty. Thanks are not enough, but that's what I have to offer. End of hijack.
 
Begin short hi-jack: I would like to take this opportunity to thank the members of the American military and our allies for their service. I know I live freely and joyful because rough men and women stand ready to do violence in defense of our liberty. Thanks are not enough, but that's what I have to offer. End of hijack.

I'll just add my shout out to the members of the Canadian forces. It takes a special kind of person to put their life on the line for the beliefs of their country. I may complain about the instability that it brings to my life but I appreciate the sacrifice just the same.
 
I've been noticing that there are an awful lot of poly-connected people in the military. Do you think it's because those in the military and those who are in relationship with them are "taught" to be more self sufficient rather than co-dependant? You kind of have to learn who you are and what you want when you're faced with being away from a loved one for long periods of time.

Good points Derby,

I too have seen a lot of open style relationships among the military. I do agree that the self sufficiency mentality pretty much HAS to come with that life and must play a part. I also think it's a subculture where everyone is frequently facing the same hurdles, talk about how to leap them and come up with acceptable solutions.
I've seen many relationships we'd call just more 'open' and many FWB situations. Everyone understands why they are important and most caring people I think would prefer their loved one to not have to suffer loss of affection (including sex) in their absence. It's a loving gesture and really, only common sense.
So many of these truly did have poly potential before the term and lifestyle surfaced into the greater public. And if you think about it, it's sad, because if the choice had been known I think there could have been some wonderful poly families develop. As it is, there are some but they are forced to keep a low profile because of military rules regarding perceived 'misconduct'.

Interesting post !

GS
 
Lots of military represented in the swinging world as well. That was my experience anyway. Military, law enforcement, teachers... no shortage.
 
ever had or heard of a deployment poly or swinger relationship?

just a thought. i know people talk about contract marrages in the miliitary so theat both parties get certain military benefits and maximize abliities without there being any love or sex involved, and the opposite of a service member cheating on their spouse with a "deployment wife" but has there been any genuin poly relationship or swinger arrangement that was set up before a deployment specifically for the deployment itself, or a continuing relationship that survived multipul partners while deployed? just a thought. dabbeled in this my self but it came too close to cheating for my cup of tea. anamocity and jellousy where there shouldnt be. any related stories to this?
 
I've always been faithful on all of my deployments. we were mono then so it wasn't an issue. this time around I 've got general order 1B hanging over my head so no deployment wife here.
 
I think poly really is a very valid approach to people who must by necessity spend long times apart.

Unfortunately I've seen WAY more cheating than poly in my 20 years of experience as a Navy wife. Some people have a DADT approach, some know it's happening, hate it, but ignore it. A lot of unhealthy nonmonogamy going on and it's unfortunate because there are other ways to go.

But I think that many people spend so much time away or prepping to go away, or trying to adjust to being back that it's hard to develop the relationship skills necessary to build a strong foundation like communication and skills in dealing with stress. I think often there's a real "boys club" when it comes to the military and deployments where they egg each other on to cheat on their spouses and then all agree to keep it shut. It's kind of the "what happens in vegas" theory, but on deployments.

I really don't mean to sound negative about it, but it has just been my limited brief experience. Hubs and I have talked about it a lot and I know a LOT of what he's seen because he tells me. Stress and alcohol and distance and dealing with people and god-forbid combat. Not a good combo.

As for playing it down, most people play it down in their work environments anyway, really. And the chances that the military here is going to prosecute cheating is SLIM to none. It's not really a valid threat around here...
 
love the "boys club" comment. That is very true. so much peer pressure, it is actually encouraged under the radar some times. but if you get caught obvisously it is both adultery and a GO 1B violation. i keep on thinking to my self that there should be an armed forces exclusive dating sight, that is open to alll walks of life. but it would probably be a violation of a couple DOD policies and be shut down. there was a myspace page "iraqbangbuddies" but that turned out to be just guys looking for guys, nothing much els.

was thinking of a way of negating the "Adultery" word with a written contract that the DOD would acknowledge stating that both parties in the married relationship concent to other sexual partners. but that is such a long shot i dont see it happening unless non-monogomy within mainstream marrage is more popular and widly accepted.
 
I have seen the cheating first hand. I personally have never seen anyone egg someone else on, nor have I ever been egged on. I won't say that it happens. it's just never happened around me.

the cheating happens on the spouse end too tho. I've seen many a navy wife go from the pier to the bar and take someone home with them.

pre and post deployments are hard. you have a lot of things to do before you go. it's hard on both parties. coming back, both parties have been completely independent in everything they do for several months and it takes time to get back to normal.

I'm not so sure I see poly as a completely valid approach though. I'm sure I could have found a loving relationship when I was in Italy back in 03 but I'm sure hearts would be broken when it was time to go home and I haven't been back since. maybe a fwb or maybe just the agreement between husband and wife that non mongamy is fair game.
 
For some reason in the U.S. Navy, at least around here the only way someone would get prosecuted for cheating is if the spouse presses it HARD, or if there are a ton of other things and they're trying to get them out. I never see it happen around here.

And by no means meant to imply it's only the guys. A LOT of cheating on the women's end. But then there's a lot of immaturity, too. Lots of young girls who have never been away from home and suddenly they're alone, in the house with money and other young wives and can do whatever they want. Recipe for disaster, LOL.

And if a guy really didn't want to cheat I believe the guys aren't going to try to make him. :)
 
And if a guy really didn't want to cheat I believe the guys aren't going to try to make him. :)

lol, very true. thoes that are strongly faithfull have nothing to wory about, i agree. but i guess its the "boys club" factor also...

before we got married, and after we got married during my first deployment, i would have eyes only for my wife. she took this hard to believe that i ... A MAN... wouldnt check out other women. but for the longest time i didnt. it wasnt a personal choice or a concious thought... i just saw them as another human being, thats it (except for the objectification of women in pornography, of course) but when it came to working with women or passing one on the side walk it was not the hilight of my day. but when i was walking with some of the other guys in my unit all of a sudden the conversation would scease and i would be the only person talking. when i realized noone was paying attention to me i realized they were stearing at some woman captain's ass taht was walking infrunt of us. i just ignore it and went about my own mental thoughts untill the conversation resumed.

after we started talking about swining, and now poly, i do see myself checking out women only a little bit. hell she does it more than i do, pointing out a lady she sees as attractive at the mall so on and so forth. but for me, it is still a concious thought i half to force myself to focus on women. a fellow swining soldier once told me that i have no "radar" which i found is compleatly true. but my wife refuses to believe it.
 
Back
Top