Hi, I'm new to the site, new to the idea of polyamory too.
I've recently been getting to know a girl, (known her for years, but recently a lot better) - She told me pretty early on that she was Poly, was in a relationship with two other guys and a girl (two are in a relationship with eachother too)
I live in her home town (her family is still here), but she is currently living in another city. Only one of the three people she's dating live in her city.
Now I have not been in many relationships, was with a girl for 8 years, married, she cheated on me. Since then (9 years ago) I was briefly involved with 1 woman, but that was just a confusing mess.
I have a tendency to overthink, over-worry. So I needed a sounding board, so I hope you guys can give me a bit of advice/support.
I've been reading about Polyamory. Compersion is definitely something I can feel, as I have felt it before. So the concept of her having meaningful relations with other people, is not the part that is worrying me. I'm also not a jealous person at all.... so that part is kinda the simple part.
I was watching a youtube video and one of them mentioned that Polyamory was a way of "diluting" the love - spreading it among many people..... this doesn't sound right to me, and not how she described it to me..... but nonetheless it concerns me. But I mean, a parent doesn't love each of their children more/less - just differently..... but with me being completely alien to Polyamory I have no idea....
Now if this was a mono/mono relationship forming, I wouldn't have concerns - she and I shared a real connection, and the chemistry between us is unmistakable - the physical distance at the moment makes it difficult, I will only see her again in a few months, but in a mono-mono situation I know that she is looking forward to seeing me then as much as I am her...... but because she has other partners, I worry that the flame will die before it even got a chance to light properly.....
I also feel a little bit like a home-town backup plan. Like, someone she can be with when she returns home...
Now all of this said - I can also see how this really works too - I am happy that she has happiness - she's an amazing woman. I also am quite devoted to my work, so a fulltime girlfriend would probably not be happy with me at the moment anyway; I wouldn't be able to give the relationship as much time as a mono girl would probably want.
I probably have more I could ramble about, but I might leave it there for now... eager to hear everyone's thoughts/comments
Cheers,
N
I've recently been getting to know a girl, (known her for years, but recently a lot better) - She told me pretty early on that she was Poly, was in a relationship with two other guys and a girl (two are in a relationship with eachother too)
I live in her home town (her family is still here), but she is currently living in another city. Only one of the three people she's dating live in her city.
Now I have not been in many relationships, was with a girl for 8 years, married, she cheated on me. Since then (9 years ago) I was briefly involved with 1 woman, but that was just a confusing mess.
I have a tendency to overthink, over-worry. So I needed a sounding board, so I hope you guys can give me a bit of advice/support.
I've been reading about Polyamory. Compersion is definitely something I can feel, as I have felt it before. So the concept of her having meaningful relations with other people, is not the part that is worrying me. I'm also not a jealous person at all.... so that part is kinda the simple part.
I was watching a youtube video and one of them mentioned that Polyamory was a way of "diluting" the love - spreading it among many people..... this doesn't sound right to me, and not how she described it to me..... but nonetheless it concerns me. But I mean, a parent doesn't love each of their children more/less - just differently..... but with me being completely alien to Polyamory I have no idea....
Now if this was a mono/mono relationship forming, I wouldn't have concerns - she and I shared a real connection, and the chemistry between us is unmistakable - the physical distance at the moment makes it difficult, I will only see her again in a few months, but in a mono-mono situation I know that she is looking forward to seeing me then as much as I am her...... but because she has other partners, I worry that the flame will die before it even got a chance to light properly.....
I also feel a little bit like a home-town backup plan. Like, someone she can be with when she returns home...
Now all of this said - I can also see how this really works too - I am happy that she has happiness - she's an amazing woman. I also am quite devoted to my work, so a fulltime girlfriend would probably not be happy with me at the moment anyway; I wouldn't be able to give the relationship as much time as a mono girl would probably want.
I probably have more I could ramble about, but I might leave it there for now... eager to hear everyone's thoughts/comments
Cheers,
N