Hinge of a MFM V

Bunny

New member
Hi, I'm Bunny. I am a bi-sexual, poly woman in my mid-twenties. I love to have sex and be loving, it's my favorite thing to do. I work with small children for a living and I want a baby so badly!

I have been living with my partner Badger for 4 years. He is a straight, mono male in his mid 20's. Badger is outgoing, funny, gregarious, super affectionate and loving. He also suffers from depression, rarely leaves the house except for work, is addicted to video games, has a much lower sex drive than me, and has quit multiple jobs against my wishes and he currently work a part time minimum wage job. He loves me very much, but he is dependent on me financially so there is a disparity in power. I can be resentful, especially when money is tight. He wants to have a baby with me, but I am scared that I can't trust him because he is irresponsible.

Turtle and I met 9 months ago and have been dating for a few months. We have been in love for a month-and-a-half. Turtle is a straight, poly (in theory, never in practice) male in his early 30's. He's introverted, quiet around most people, sensitive to rejection, responsible, steadfast, independant, risk-adverse, long-term thinker, pidantic, deliberate, wealthy but lives cheaply and saves, dry sense of humor, positive, affectionate in touch and action but not in words, sometimes says the wrong thing, brutally honest. I'm totally in NRE and he seems perfect to me most of the time.
 
Welcome, Bunny :)

*relates*

I'm quite a bit older, but I'm also a hinge in a MFM vee; and my men have many of the same attributes as yours.

I really like it here at polyamory.com, hope you will too.
 
Hi Bunny!

I'm new here as well (mfm v too!) but providing you stick around I think you will see, like me, that everyone is accepting, friendly, and wise beyond their years here.

We wanna know your story! How long have you identified as poly and when/how did you make the transition? Unrelated, but still interesting is how do your partners feel about a baby in an mfm vee? I know my partner would revert back to mono but how would yours react?
 
Hey Bunny, I am Phy, a bi-sexual, poly woman in my late twenties, hinge of a mfm vee, working with children and thinking about a baby as well :D

Strange how things seem so similar sometimes. Welcome to the forum, I hope you will have a great and helpful time reading all the threats.
 
Hi and welcome,

Are you married to you partner of 4yrs?

How's doing with all of this?

How did you decide to participate in this lifestyle?
 
Welcome. Are you me?

Works with kids, pan/bi woman in her 20's (late still counts), thinking about a baby (though I have so much farther to go with my own career before I squeeze one out). Jeez, how odd, except I'm unattached.
 
Wow, thanks for the warm welcome! It's cool to see so many people in common situations.

Badger and I aren't legally married, but I have a ring, we had a wedding, and we own a house together. So, even though I call him my Husband and Turtle my boyfriend I don't have a heirarchy.

When I first met Turtle I also met some people who were practicing poly. At first I didn't think it was for me, but then I was getting to know Turtle. He kept bring it up and letting me know that he was cool with being in a poly relationship. I liked him a lot and starting having these fantasies about him joining the family.

So Badger was totally against the idea, but I kept pushing it. I asked Turtle if he was interested, and he was. So, I went for it. It was very hard at first because Badger was really hurting, but now, 5 months later, he is mostly okay with it. He wants me to be happy. But he misses me when I sleep over Turtle's. We started off with rules like only oral, but the training wheels came off 6 weeks ago. Now I sleep over once a week and see him about 3 days of the week.

So I want a baby, Badger wants a baby, but we don't have enough money. I wish money didn't matter, but it does. I was trying to get pregnant, but Badger quit his job randomly so I've made him wrap it up ever sense (about 7 months ago). Turtle has an ED problem that is much improved by bareback. So, we've been using pull-out when I am fertile. He is on the fence about having a baby with me. I think I would like to. We are going to get together and hash out a pregnancy plan so we know if we're on the same page and how much risk we are willing to take. Badger really doesn't want me to have a baby with him, he said he would leave. Turtle doesn't mind being a step-dad, he thinks he would like it.
 
First of all... Welcome! I worked with kids under 4 for a while and LOVED IT! It honestly helped me fight the baby urge, though, since I got to have the fun and lovin' from them. :) lol Now that I'm not around them, I feel the urge to procreate, but I know it doesn't fit into my long term wishes so... Yeah! Anyway...

So I want a baby, Badger wants a baby, but we don't have enough money. I wish money didn't matter, but it does. I was trying to get pregnant, but Badger quit his job randomly so I've made him wrap it up ever sense (about 7 months ago). Turtle has an ED problem that is much improved by bareback. So, we've been using pull-out when I am fertile. He is on the fence about having a baby with me. I think I would like to. We are going to get together and hash out a pregnancy plan so we know if we're on the same page and how much risk we are willing to take. Badger really doesn't want me to have a baby with him, he said he would leave. Turtle doesn't mind being a step-dad, he thinks he would like it.

This sounds like a terrible position to be in. :( Why did Badger quit his job? Did he consult you at all beforehand to discuss the impact it would have on your current goals?

In the part I emphasized, you say you are going to get together to figure out a pregnancy plan. Is this going to include all three of you or just you and Turtle? Isn't 9 months after meeting someone WAAAAYYYY early to be considering having a child with him? I mean, I consider the first year a "getting to know you" phase since you have to make sure NRE has worn off, see each other in various situations, and make sure you are both committed to the same things long term. If Badger is serious about not being able to handle you having Turtle's baby, are you willing to take any risk at all (besides the minimal risk that is taken with protected sex anyway)?
 
This sounds like a terrible position to be in. :( Why did Badger quit his job? Did he consult you at all beforehand to discuss the impact it would have on your current goals?
No, he just stopped going. He was just depressed I guess. I tried to get him to go, but he wouldn't.
In the part I emphasized, you say you are going to get together to figure out a pregnancy plan. Is this going to include all three of you or just you and Turtle? Isn't 9 months after meeting someone WAAAAYYYY early to be considering having a child with him? I mean, I consider the first year a "getting to know you" phase since you have to make sure NRE has worn off, see each other in various situations, and make sure you are both committed to the same things long term. If Badger is serious about not being able to handle you having Turtle's baby, are you willing to take any risk at all (besides the minimal risk that is taken with protected sex anyway)?

I would like it if Badger stuck around and helped raise my child, but that's his decision. I was conceived to parents who knew eachother less than a year, so was my Mother. My Grandparents are about to have their 50th wedding anniversary, so if it worked for them it can work for me. I would rather spend my NRE being pregnant and raising an infant. I think I can see Turtle's character by his actions before I met him and with other people. I am willing to lose Badger for Turtle's baby, without hesitation. I can't sacrifice what I want out of life for him and our relationship.
 
Don't think of it as having a baby. Think of it as having and raising a child to adulthood. An enormous responsibility. Not just for the financial aspect but for taking responsibility of the child's emotional and psychological well-being. HUGE.

You have one depressed partner who quit his minimum-wage job, another who isn't sure he wants to be a father, and you say money is tight. Have you figured out a budget? Common sense should tell you that this is no time to have and raise a child. We are in an economic depression right now. Being on welfare to do it won't be very rewarding. The stress alone will be difficult, and you need partners who will be there for you. I think you should rethink your fascination with "having a baby" and wait a few years until your life is more stable.
 
Oh, girl. You know what they call women who use the pull-out method?

Mothers.

Get thee to Planned Parenthood. Get an Implanon or the pill or something... I really like the Implanon. A baby is a terrific responsibility, and as much as you might love a child, you should wait until you're in a good place financially, emotionally, and relationship-wise. It sounds like you might not be there yet.
 
Don't think of it as having a baby. Think of it as having and raising a child to adulthood. An enormous responsibility. Not just for the financial aspect but for taking responsibility of the child's emotional and psychological well-being. HUGE.

You have one depressed partner who quit his minimum-wage job, another who isn't sure he wants to be a father, and you say money is tight. Have you figured out a budget? Common sense should tell you that this is no time to have and raise a child. We are in an economic depression right now. Being on welfare to do it won't be very rewarding. The stress alone will be difficult, and you need partners who will be there for you. I think you should rethink your fascination with "having a baby" and wait a few years until your life is more stable.

Oh, I know raising children is really raising the adults they will be. And I know exactly how much time and effort it takes. It's my job, I do it every day.

Well, the job Badger quit wasn't minimum wage, but the job he has now is. He took a big step down on the pay scale. Turtle thinks he might like to have kids, but is on the fense. Money is tight between Badger and I. I must not have made this clear, but Turtle has plenty of money. Our children would have everything they need, no worries. I would not have children on welfare, that is why I stopped trying to get pregnant when my Husband quit his job. I want to be a stay at home Mom, and if I can't do that then I want to wait.
 
Oh, girl. You know what they call women who use the pull-out method?

Mothers.

Get thee to Planned Parenthood. Get an Implanon or the pill or something... I really like the Implanon. A baby is a terrific responsibility, and as much as you might love a child, you should wait until you're in a good place financially, emotionally, and relationship-wise. It sounds like you might not be there yet.

I don't want to go on birth control for a number of reasons. One of which being that I want to get pregnant. It's up to Turtle where he puts his seed.

I am going to sit down with Turtle tonight about what the plan would be if I got pregnant. I want to come up with a list of questions to ask him. Here are some:

Living arrangements? Financial arrangements? Life insurance? Health insurance? Inheritance? Marriage? Names? Paternity testing? What if our romantic relationship ends?

I'm trying to think of anything more. I'm mostly curious about practical things. We've already talked about every parenting issue I could think of: birth, breast feeding, circumcision, parenting style, spanking, discipline, education, diet, religion.

If anyone can think of any issues I've forgotten let me know.
 
Well, Turtle wasn't too comfortable talking about the pregnancy plan, he said maybe a lot. So he's going to think about what he would do and want if I got pregnant. In the mean time, until we are both comfortable with the idea of getting pregnant, we will be using condoms. I'm not comfortable not knowing what the plan would be in the real chance of pregnancy during unprotected sex. I figure that if he's not emotionally ready to live with me and support me while I'm a stay at home mom than we shouldn't be having risky sex. He said he wasn't worried about it because he trusts himself to do the right thing because he's never screwed up in the past. So maybe he's right and it would be fine, but I hate not knowing things and not having plans. So fluid bonding will have to wait.
 
Ok I just read your introduction. So now I know were all your questions are coming from. I got lucky with my husband he worked through it. He also said no more kids. I am getting the IUD and he asked BF to get fixed. BF agreed but he hasn't yet. So I am taking it into my hands to not hurt hubby again. Me and BF had talked about it between him and I. He supports me emotionally as much as he can from the distance. Hubby is ok with having another male around to be a daddy role to the 14 year old. He also knows that when BF moves here he will miss his little one. So he is willing to give him room and adjust being a step-dad to his kids. Hubby is the stay at home parent and BF and I work. We hashed out the roles once we found out about the new baby. The guys also have a brother like relationship so they talk to each other and leave me out sometimes. However it helps them and me when they are on the same page. I told them that is how I wanted it. Just in case anything happens to me I want them to raise the kids together. So they need to be able to stand each other.
 
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