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Old Today, 03:26 PM
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River River is online now
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I'm reading this article now. I paused to find this thread so I could post it here.

Casual Sex, Or Casual Love?
By Rachel Forshee, February 17th 2014
https://thoughtcatalog.com/rachel-fo...r-casual-love/

Maybe we can chat about it?

This excerpt really stood out as significant to me:

Quote:
And it’s a funny thing when you go out knowing you’re looking for sex. You tend not to think of people as individuals – with their own hopes and dreams and desires, or that you’re even going to share an experience together. You tend to discount them as autonomous individuals at all and just focus on what you can get out of (or get off on) the situation. It’s a very transactional, capitalist, and … yes… cynical way of looking at humanity.
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  #32  
Old Today, 03:54 PM
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Okay, I've finished reading the article I linked above.

I found it helpful in getting more intimate with myself -- my own thoughts and feelings....

I'm exploring a new friendship ("with benefits"), and its entirely unlike anything I've experienced before. The lines which divide this from that are not at all non-existant; but they are not crisply clear, either. We're not "dating" in the usual "romantic" sense. Nor are either of us wanting sex or touch without feeling. And we talk, as in really talk. He wants to be "vulnerable" with all of his friends, be they FWB or otherwise. So there's real intimacy and care here, not just sex.

I think a lot of folks see the Friends With Benefits (FWB) category as "not a real relationship" -- and not a real friendship. But that's what he has to offer and what he wants, and that's fine with me. After all, we live fifty miles apart and I'm not likely to see him often -- and he's half my age (but damn mature for his relative youth).

Sharp, hard lines can be easier in certain respects, but there's no sharp had line between true FWBs and "true loves". That line is blurry, vague, mysterious -- to a point. Especially for a guy like me who has never deliberately and explicitly explored a real friend FWB before. I've thought about 'em, and what it might be like, but now it's real and it's happening. Now, for the first time, I have to work out in practice "How not to seem to be demanding or wanting more than the FWB we're exploring" even though the FWB we're exploring is explicitly also intimate, affectionate, caring ... a real friendship and not just a "casual sex" thing.

FWB implies a line, but precisely what kind of line that is is ... fuzzy. And I want to become comfortable with that.
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