MonoVCPHG
New member
In short I'd say you have a spectator and not a partner at the moment. Similar to the idea I talked about earlier in this thread where some people will watch to see how much they can take. Setting up boundaries and compromising does work, but they are ultimately masking that you have conflicting needs from relationships - you the more open and him the more closed. Learning to acccept that and figuring out ways to cope will be more effective in the long run. And of course you both have to the accept the cost of finding that coping mechanism. It might not be a closer relationship for you and your husband. But if you have other common goals that remaining partners is a benefit for then you can focus on those.
He's likely not ever going to be fully "ok" sharing his wife (and yes, in the mongmamous world it's ok to say his wife, and her husband). Just like you would likely never be ok with being monogamous, but what are his options? Surrender and leave you, whine until you leave him, or suck it up and try to make a go of it?
Sometimes continuously sharing the same negative emotions over and over again can put more strain on the relationship than just internalizing and dealing with them on our own. Of course every now and then the underlying issue may seep out and that is where the confusion can occur for the other partner.
I have yet to hear from or meet any mono/poly couple that is 100% comfortable on both sides.
He's likely not ever going to be fully "ok" sharing his wife (and yes, in the mongmamous world it's ok to say his wife, and her husband). Just like you would likely never be ok with being monogamous, but what are his options? Surrender and leave you, whine until you leave him, or suck it up and try to make a go of it?
Sometimes continuously sharing the same negative emotions over and over again can put more strain on the relationship than just internalizing and dealing with them on our own. Of course every now and then the underlying issue may seep out and that is where the confusion can occur for the other partner.
I have yet to hear from or meet any mono/poly couple that is 100% comfortable on both sides.