Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 09-18-2013, 06:23 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 7,045
Default My partner's potential partner has herpes/HSV 1 and 2

Ginger has been IMing with Mischa for a couple years. They even started chatting before he and I met. She lives over 50 miles away. In the last year they started chatting more often and a couple months ago they finally met for the first time.

Before she came to his place, she told him she has herpes. At the time of their date, she had an open lesion on her lip. She had been getting these since she was a kid, and for most of her life thought little of it. "Don't all kids get cold sores?" was her attitude.

On their date, they didn't kiss. They did take their shirts off and have tit play. Kept their pants on and "dry humped."

Now, another 6 weeks or so have gone by and they have the opportunity for her to come visit again. In that time, she was tested and found to have HSV 1 and 2. She has never had any lesions anywhere but on her mouth. Ginger tells me she has been very upset about it, and he has spent time in IM, comforting her. But, they haven't specifically had the safer sex talk. He's been telling me he prefers to do that in person. Which is weird, because he spends a lot of time in chat, with me, with her, with any person/woman he likes or is attracted to.

But, it is what it is. So, she is coming to him tonight and "probably" going to spend the night, sleeping in his bed.

I am fluid bonded with him and with my gf miss pixi. I've been researching like mad today and sharing info with Ginger. Even if he prefers to talk to Mischa about safer sex in person, I darn well will do it in IM! So far he's been telling me he probably won't even kiss her, even if she is lesion free, as we know there can be asymptomatic shedding.

I know herpes is "just" a skin condition (I'm past childbearing age, my gf is infertile, and we aren't immunocompromised), but I understand it can be very painful, and frankly, I'm 58 and have enough health problems as it is. I really don't feel like adding one more.

Ginger, however, has many many food and airborne allergies, which are an immune system defect.

Ginger hasn't even asked her if she's on antivirals yet. I guess he will find out more tonight! I don't want to seem micromanaging, but this is MY sexual health, and potentially the sexual health of my gf as well, that we are talking about here. </mini rant>.

Most info online about transmission assumes monogamy, or serial monogamy at most. Things are different when one is poly and has very frequent sex! I'd say if you're having 15 minutes of sex with one person a week, it's much different, transmission-wise, than if you're having hours of sex a week with 2 or more partners.

Any input/stories/sharing welcome. I've read other threads here about STDs but wanted to start one with herpes in the title.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63)
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's bf since April 2013
BigGuy (poly, M, married, 43, dating me since June 2018)
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 12:26 PM.