Hey all!
I recently posted this in a married life LiveJournal community, but I think it's much better off here as I should imagine that I'll be able to get more knowledgable advice.
All advice is greatly, seriously appreciated.
Today I posted this to my personal LJ:
"I am naturally inclined towards polyamory, but I'm in a monogamous relationship. I'm generally open to my Fiance about this and he is happy as we are, but sometimes obviously open to the idea of other things when I talk about them. We once attempted to engage in a polyamorous relationship of sorts with a third party, but it all went horribly wrong and I was left out in the cold - I won't go into details, just know that it was absolutely heart breaking and it took a long time to recover.
But still, my nature remains.
Don't get me wrong, I love my Fiance and would be happy with just him for the rest of my life. But, a part of me wants more, and I wish I knew why. I want more people to love, to hug, to cuddle, to snuggle, to kiss. Sure I think about sex, but at it's core it's not about sex. I want someone to date, to woo, to make feel good.
There's someone that I care about greatly, and she likes me too, but she is younger than me and simply will not partake in a polyamorous relationship. I don't blame her at all and I completely agree with her decision, but God does it hurt.
Waaaah waaaah woe is me."
Basically, it's getting to the point that it is really mentally affecting me and bothering me nearly every single day. I constantly get little crushes, and my sexuality is so open and fluid that I never hide my attraction to people. I'm a naturally very flirtatious person, but I make sure to never inappropriately be so and am quite shy in person. (Unlike my Fiance, who is very energetic and social.)
I just cannot stop thinking about how much I want to engage in a relationship with a third party, and how I want to go about making this happen, but at the same time it makes me feel so bad because my Fiance never actively thinks about this unless I bring it up (essentially he doesn't really have any issue with it, but it's obviously more my thing than his) and I love him to bits.
I desperately wish that these thoughts would bugger off, I feel like I'm an awful partner and that there must be something wrong with me. :C
All advice would be greatly appreciated.
I recently posted this in a married life LiveJournal community, but I think it's much better off here as I should imagine that I'll be able to get more knowledgable advice.
All advice is greatly, seriously appreciated.
Today I posted this to my personal LJ:
"I am naturally inclined towards polyamory, but I'm in a monogamous relationship. I'm generally open to my Fiance about this and he is happy as we are, but sometimes obviously open to the idea of other things when I talk about them. We once attempted to engage in a polyamorous relationship of sorts with a third party, but it all went horribly wrong and I was left out in the cold - I won't go into details, just know that it was absolutely heart breaking and it took a long time to recover.
But still, my nature remains.
Don't get me wrong, I love my Fiance and would be happy with just him for the rest of my life. But, a part of me wants more, and I wish I knew why. I want more people to love, to hug, to cuddle, to snuggle, to kiss. Sure I think about sex, but at it's core it's not about sex. I want someone to date, to woo, to make feel good.
There's someone that I care about greatly, and she likes me too, but she is younger than me and simply will not partake in a polyamorous relationship. I don't blame her at all and I completely agree with her decision, but God does it hurt.
Waaaah waaaah woe is me."
Basically, it's getting to the point that it is really mentally affecting me and bothering me nearly every single day. I constantly get little crushes, and my sexuality is so open and fluid that I never hide my attraction to people. I'm a naturally very flirtatious person, but I make sure to never inappropriately be so and am quite shy in person. (Unlike my Fiance, who is very energetic and social.)
I just cannot stop thinking about how much I want to engage in a relationship with a third party, and how I want to go about making this happen, but at the same time it makes me feel so bad because my Fiance never actively thinks about this unless I bring it up (essentially he doesn't really have any issue with it, but it's obviously more my thing than his) and I love him to bits.
I desperately wish that these thoughts would bugger off, I feel like I'm an awful partner and that there must be something wrong with me. :C
All advice would be greatly appreciated.