I still think that you are putting the responsibility on the third party, nor yourself nor husband. How many of the issues really derive from the girlfriend?
Your husband has is completely in control of when he fights with her, right?
As far as the drinking...is it a situation where she is a heavy drinker. Is she encouraging him to hang out in bars? Would you prefer someone who doesn't drink?
But again, I see neither of you taking responsibility for your own actions and blaming it on a third party. I am not criticizing. I'm trying to help!
I recently learn and I believe that it is within our total right as humans to set boundaries. Without explanation. What this means (and people have discussed this a lot here) is to stop attempting to control the other person, but clearly define what you will and will not take and walk off if a boundary is crossed.
I also am not putting people down, but I DO NOT UNDERSTAND "vetoing" at all. I do understand it if the model you have is a truly polyamorus family where you hope to bring others into your life. I thin Deferi and RedPepper have this kind of marriage. Howeever, if you have a primary and your arrangement is just to love or date others - how does "veto" make sense. I identify more as "open-marriage:" than poly. My husband and I date whomever we want. Most of the men I go on dates with he never even meets.
Our particular marriage was about opening up freedoms and being ourselves, exploring our sexuality apart from each other and gaining autonomy. If either of us had "veto" power this would just work against our original idea. Totally.
The interesting thing is that I probably would veto my husband's gf. She has pretty terrible communication skills and is weird with boundaries and has terrible intimacy isusrs. My husband totally would have voted my two loves (ha!) 1. a bipolar very young alcoholic and 2.. A married cheater. But our relationship is about letting each other grow.
Your husband has is completely in control of when he fights with her, right?
As far as the drinking...is it a situation where she is a heavy drinker. Is she encouraging him to hang out in bars? Would you prefer someone who doesn't drink?
But again, I see neither of you taking responsibility for your own actions and blaming it on a third party. I am not criticizing. I'm trying to help!
I recently learn and I believe that it is within our total right as humans to set boundaries. Without explanation. What this means (and people have discussed this a lot here) is to stop attempting to control the other person, but clearly define what you will and will not take and walk off if a boundary is crossed.
I also am not putting people down, but I DO NOT UNDERSTAND "vetoing" at all. I do understand it if the model you have is a truly polyamorus family where you hope to bring others into your life. I thin Deferi and RedPepper have this kind of marriage. Howeever, if you have a primary and your arrangement is just to love or date others - how does "veto" make sense. I identify more as "open-marriage:" than poly. My husband and I date whomever we want. Most of the men I go on dates with he never even meets.
Our particular marriage was about opening up freedoms and being ourselves, exploring our sexuality apart from each other and gaining autonomy. If either of us had "veto" power this would just work against our original idea. Totally.
The interesting thing is that I probably would veto my husband's gf. She has pretty terrible communication skills and is weird with boundaries and has terrible intimacy isusrs. My husband totally would have voted my two loves (ha!) 1. a bipolar very young alcoholic and 2.. A married cheater. But our relationship is about letting each other grow.