Somegeezer
New member
Good luck man! Great to hear
Thank you both. =]good luck somegeezer
Good luck man! Great to hear
Thank you both. =]good luck somegeezer
I try to make the most difficult things simple. I hate when people try to use big fancy words when it would have been quicker and easier to understand in 2 words. I don't want to read an essay, I just want to understand.
I didn't literally mean 2 words. =P But as few words as is possible. If they can't understand what you mean in a single sentence, try a second sentence. I always try to adapt the way I speak and write to suit whoever I am talking with too. Some words, people just won't understand. Like polyamory for example. Not many people know what it is. So using just that word to explain wouldn't mean anything to most people. So you would perhaps say multiple meaningful relationships, or for the sake of avoiding a large amount of questions [I actually enjoy questions though!], maybe you'd say you were in an open relationship. Difficult word that most people don't understand, into a description that most people can understand.Sometimes just a few more words help. In general, women need too hear and use more words, where men are usually ok with one or two word answers and/or a grunt or two . I would just suggest know your audience. I have the opposite problem, I use too many words
I can't stand... Child services.
They really think they are the be all and end all on YOUR children. You know what's worse? They hire people who DON'T EVEN HAVE CHILDREN to tell YOU how to look after YOURS! I have to say my cherrytory is an AMAZING mother. She absolutely loves her child to pieces and does everything so well. The kid is healthy as could be and has everything she needs.
Then child services come and tell cherry - "No, you have to do it our way now or we will take your child off you. You're going to have to stay with your child 24/7 and she will not be allowed anywhere without you."
How can expect anyone to do that? Threatened with your child being taken off you too? I'm seriously pissed off, as you can see for good reason too! It's times like this that I really hate the way people abuse their power. Power that nobody should have in the first place!
That's a shame. May I ask why they took her child? I'm sure they are really just trying to harrass cherry until she breaks down and gives them a real reason to take her child. It's like torture. But I know she'll stay strong for her baby always.So sorry to hear this.. Unfortunately, Child Protective Services here in the US isn't any better. I have a good friend who is a great mother, who is dealing with something similar only she had her child taken away and is now fighting to get him back.
Hopefully all works out anc Cherry won't be harassed by them anymore.
No, she doesn't work. But she also can't if she has to be with her 24/7. She isn't allowed to be alone with anyone but Cherry. Cherry is in and out of meetings with them like every other day or so trying to sort out this stupidity. She's moving into a new house soon, because she's been back with her mother for a few months and she's trying to sort out getting some money in again. It's taking its toll on her and seeing how stressed she is getting is really hard on me too. I want to be able to help however I can.They're forcing her to have the child with her at all times, no babysitters? That doesn't make any sense. I mean, why? Does Cherry work? And she's supposed to take the kid with her on the job? Weird. There should be someone she can talk to about this, a social worker or even a counselor.
I don't understand how your past love hurts her. Does she think you lived in a bubble before meeting her?New news - Cherry has just found out about someone I USED TO love a great deal. It has hurt her a lot . . .
I'm beginning to think she was just having a bad day and had to find something to take it out on, but I certainly don't want to put up with it myself if things like this pop up often enough.Cherry is hurt about someone you USED to love? I don't think this bodes well for eventual acceptance on her part of your interest in polyamory. If she can't handle past relationships without getting bent out of shape....how would she ever handle a current relationship with someone else?? I wouldn't want to face this issue (jealousy or hurt over a past love) going into a MONO relationship much less a poly relationship!!
I don't know how you express yourself in-person, Somegeezer, but I think you communicate quite well in this forum. Just remember to take good care of yourself and YOUR needs, too!
Funny, because she often tells me that I don't listen. But I have felt it was her not understanding what I was trying to say instead. As dragonfly said, I don't seem to be all that bad at expressing myself here, but maybe my writing it just a lot more coherent than my speech.I don't understand how your past love hurts her. Does she think you lived in a bubble before meeting her?
I agree that this does not bode well for the future if she has such an immature view (but I think you are a very mature person for your age!) and is so possessive that you can't have a past. The problem is not how you communicate, I am sure; it is how she listens (or refuses to listen).
She's a member here - maybe she can post about her issues with it?
Perhaps. At the very least, writing it out could help you sort out what you want to say, whether you speak to her or give it to her to read.Would you think writing down what I want to say would help her understand if it's really the case?
I'm just not sure how I could communicate it to her in a way she understands. I don't want her being upset over it. Not just because I don't like upsetting people, but because it is something she really needs to accept.
Thank you. You and everyone else who has given me advice. I always appreciate it.Perhaps. At the very least, writing it out could help you sort out what you want to say, whether you speak to her or give it to her to read.
If you approach it with love and compassion, that's the best you can do. You have no control over what she does with the information. If she chooses to be upset about it, that's on her. If she refuses to accept your poly-ness, that's on her. All you can do is be honest, and express what you need to express in the kindest way you can. But sometimes it takes being a little firm to get people to take their blinders off.