Somegeezer's Blog Of Life

Well now! I think I might have made a record for my shortest relationship ever. I really underestimate my ability to make people hate me without doing all that much.

Thankfully, we didn't have all much time to really make a strong connection either, so I'm really not upset about it.

Also, there is another I'm looking at for the moment. I like her and she likes me, but it seems she is strictly mono and wouldn't like to be in a relationship with someone who was poly. So I'm pretty much stuck there. We're close friends and known each other from college, so both have this interest for music. I guess we can keep a very close friendship, but it will be a lot of hard work for me.

The other I care for and love deeply, who I probably mentioned right near the beginning of this blog... - I'm feeling we're at a point where our friendship is very strong. I'm not so much worried that I may never get to be with her and instead, very very happy that I have her as one of my closest friends. I hope that feeling comes with the one in the previous paragraph too.

As for romantic and intimate relationships, the search continues.

Hmph. =/
 
Met someone new at a gig only this time last week. Spent most of the week together and started a relationship. Not quite open to poly, but certainly seems a possibility in the future. I'm really enjoying my time with her and we had an instant connection. I understand NRE is going to be a huge part of it. But I'm hoping there isn't a big change when and if it wears off. =]
 
Well, I have tried talking a lot more about poly with the partner, who I will now refer to as cherrytory, as I got her to sign up to the site last night. She hasn't posted yet, but I hope she will later today or tonight.

She seems really confused, upset and finding it all hard to take in. As I expected. I probbaly haven't made it much easier if at all, as you can obviously see, I'm not great at making my points clear. She also seems to be quite sure she doesn't want to be with anyone else. Which makes it a lot harder for me to help her understand my point of view. [hopefully a lot of help from Mono and Redpepper?]

I just really want to find a way to help her understand and accept who I am, but be happy with that too.
 
I feel like the whole poly stuff is moving so slowly. As if cherrytory isn't even wanting to accept me for who I am. Maybe I'm just not being patient enough. I keep trying to bring it up in conversation. Not forcefully either, just when it feels right. When the rest of the conversation is related. But she will always hide away from it/change the subject. I'm really not sure how to handle it now.

Other news, my band's vocalist is moving back to Germany soon. Almost finished his university studies. It'll be impossible to find a replacement like him and even though I haven't been in the band long, I will miss gigging with the guy.

Hope everyone is well and happy and life is going good for you all.
 
This is from the "how we work" thread and I thought it was some interesting stuff to add here. =]

I think most people will treat others like they treat them. Although, I generally prefer to deal with hostility by giving sarcasm back. I love to play mind games with them too. If they can't treat me nicely, I may as well have my fun.

I enjoy large groups, because there will always be someone else doing the talking. One on one, there is always a great chance that neither of you will have anything to talk about. I do actually like just sitting in silence, but most people find it to be awkward.

I'm quite open when people do engage me in conversation though. Even though I don't enjoy starting a conversation, I love listening and replying to questions. The more thought out and interesting the question, the more I'll put into my answer. I never lie either.

I feel I have quite a dominant personality and I'm really damn stubborn! I love for things to always go my way. But I try everyday to change that. It's not something I like about myself. I feel there are times i really need to step back and not get involved. It's difficult.

I try to make the most difficult things simple. I hate when people try to use big fancy words when it would have been quicker and easier to understand in 2 words. I don't want to read an essay, I just want to understand. I believe it was Einstein or someone around his time that said "An intellgient person can be seen as one who can explain the most difficult things in a simple way." Intelligence is sexy!

Speaking of which... The things I find most interesting, I will always study, even in my free time. I don't need to be forced into education to learn the things that interest me. That's one thing I hate about the education system. But that's for another thread.

LR said "If I'm not careful it comes off like I don't care, when that's not at all the case."
I am just like this. I like to be honest and to the point. It often upsets people, because they think I just don't care. But what makes it harder is, even when I tell them honestly and straight that I DO care... They don't believe me.

I like to keep busy. If I didn't have people to talk to and things to do, I would not be able to be as happy as I always try to be. As long as I'm busy, I am happy. Hopefully I can add to that when my music studio comes into fruition!

Feel free to ask if you want to know more.
 
I try to make the most difficult things simple. I hate when people try to use big fancy words when it would have been quicker and easier to understand in 2 words. I don't want to read an essay, I just want to understand.

Sometimes just a few more words help. In general, women need too hear and use more words, where men are usually ok with one or two word answers and/or a grunt or two :p. I would just suggest know your audience. I have the opposite problem, I use too many words :eek:
 
Sometimes just a few more words help. In general, women need too hear and use more words, where men are usually ok with one or two word answers and/or a grunt or two :p. I would just suggest know your audience. I have the opposite problem, I use too many words :eek:
I didn't literally mean 2 words. =P But as few words as is possible. If they can't understand what you mean in a single sentence, try a second sentence. I always try to adapt the way I speak and write to suit whoever I am talking with too. Some words, people just won't understand. Like polyamory for example. Not many people know what it is. So using just that word to explain wouldn't mean anything to most people. So you would perhaps say multiple meaningful relationships, or for the sake of avoiding a large amount of questions [I actually enjoy questions though!], maybe you'd say you were in an open relationship. Difficult word that most people don't understand, into a description that most people can understand.
 
I can't stand... Child services.
They really think they are the be all and end all on YOUR children. You know what's worse? They hire people who DON'T EVEN HAVE CHILDREN to tell YOU how to look after YOURS! I have to say my cherrytory is an AMAZING mother. She absolutely loves her child to pieces and does everything so well. The kid is healthy as could be and has everything she needs.

Then child services come and tell cherry - "No, you have to do it our way now or we will take your child off you. You're going to have to stay with your child 24/7 and she will not be allowed anywhere without you."

How can expect anyone to do that? Threatened with your child being taken off you too? I'm seriously pissed off, as you can see for good reason too! It's times like this that I really hate the way people abuse their power. Power that nobody should have in the first place!
 
I can't stand... Child services.
They really think they are the be all and end all on YOUR children. You know what's worse? They hire people who DON'T EVEN HAVE CHILDREN to tell YOU how to look after YOURS! I have to say my cherrytory is an AMAZING mother. She absolutely loves her child to pieces and does everything so well. The kid is healthy as could be and has everything she needs.

Then child services come and tell cherry - "No, you have to do it our way now or we will take your child off you. You're going to have to stay with your child 24/7 and she will not be allowed anywhere without you."

How can expect anyone to do that? Threatened with your child being taken off you too? I'm seriously pissed off, as you can see for good reason too! It's times like this that I really hate the way people abuse their power. Power that nobody should have in the first place!

So sorry to hear this.. Unfortunately, Child Protective Services here in the US isn't any better. I have a good friend who is a great mother, who is dealing with something similar only she had her child taken away and is now fighting to get him back.

Hopefully all works out anc Cherry won't be harassed by them anymore.
 
So sorry to hear this.. Unfortunately, Child Protective Services here in the US isn't any better. I have a good friend who is a great mother, who is dealing with something similar only she had her child taken away and is now fighting to get him back.

Hopefully all works out anc Cherry won't be harassed by them anymore.
That's a shame. May I ask why they took her child? I'm sure they are really just trying to harrass cherry until she breaks down and gives them a real reason to take her child. It's like torture. But I know she'll stay strong for her baby always.
 
They're forcing her to have the child with her at all times, no babysitters? That doesn't make any sense. I mean, why? Does Cherry work? And she's supposed to take the kid with her on the job? Weird. There should be someone she can talk to about this, a social worker or even a counselor.
 
They're forcing her to have the child with her at all times, no babysitters? That doesn't make any sense. I mean, why? Does Cherry work? And she's supposed to take the kid with her on the job? Weird. There should be someone she can talk to about this, a social worker or even a counselor.
No, she doesn't work. But she also can't if she has to be with her 24/7. She isn't allowed to be alone with anyone but Cherry. Cherry is in and out of meetings with them like every other day or so trying to sort out this stupidity. She's moving into a new house soon, because she's been back with her mother for a few months and she's trying to sort out getting some money in again. It's taking its toll on her and seeing how stressed she is getting is really hard on me too. I want to be able to help however I can.
 
Good news from last post... I think the child is being left alone by the child services people now.

New news - Cherry has just found out about someone I USED TO love a great deal. It has hurt her a lot, but now it just makes me feel even worse about loving other people NOW. I've promised that it is just me and her right now and that I wouldn't think about being with anyone else without our own relationship being strong as ever. But i just feel like communication gets thrown out of the window. I'm not the best at expressing myself to start with, but I really feel like she doesn't even want to try. Maybe she is just as bad as I am and feels the same about me? But everything I kep trying to keep that good communication going just gets thrown away. I feel like it might be the last chance to get through all this before it just ends.
 
Cherry is hurt about someone you USED to love? I don't think this bodes well for eventual acceptance on her part of your interest in polyamory. If she can't handle past relationships without getting bent out of shape....how would she ever handle a current relationship with someone else??:confused::( I wouldn't want to face this issue (jealousy or hurt over a past love) going into a MONO relationship much less a poly relationship!!

I don't know how you express yourself in-person, Somegeezer, but I think you communicate quite well in this forum. Just remember to take good care of yourself and YOUR needs, too!
 
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New news - Cherry has just found out about someone I USED TO love a great deal. It has hurt her a lot . . .
I don't understand how your past love hurts her. Does she think you lived in a bubble before meeting her?

I agree that this does not bode well for the future if she has such an immature view (but I think you are a very mature person for your age!) and is so possessive that you can't have a past. The problem is not how you communicate, I am sure; it is how she listens (or refuses to listen).

She's a member here - maybe she can post about her issues with it?
 
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Cherry is hurt about someone you USED to love? I don't think this bodes well for eventual acceptance on her part of your interest in polyamory. If she can't handle past relationships without getting bent out of shape....how would she ever handle a current relationship with someone else??:confused::( I wouldn't want to face this issue (jealousy or hurt over a past love) going into a MONO relationship much less a poly relationship!!

I don't know how you express yourself in-person, Somegeezer, but I think you communicate quite well in this forum. Just remember to take good care of yourself and YOUR needs, too!
I'm beginning to think she was just having a bad day and had to find something to take it out on, but I certainly don't want to put up with it myself if things like this pop up often enough.

I don't understand how your past love hurts her. Does she think you lived in a bubble before meeting her?

I agree that this does not bode well for the future if she has such an immature view (but I think you are a very mature person for your age!) and is so possessive that you can't have a past. The problem is not how you communicate, I am sure; it is how she listens (or refuses to listen).

She's a member here - maybe she can post about her issues with it?
Funny, because she often tells me that I don't listen. But I have felt it was her not understanding what I was trying to say instead. As dragonfly said, I don't seem to be all that bad at expressing myself here, but maybe my writing it just a lot more coherent than my speech.

Would you think writing down what I want to say would help her understand if it's really the case?

I think she would prefer I lived in a bubble before her, but she has to accept that it isn't reality. She has had her own past too. I'm sure both of ours have been different, but I don't feel like I should worry about what has already happened. I just make the best of what I have now.

She doesn't really feel comfortable with this site, or with polyamory in general. But if she gets jealous over the people I used to love, I can't see her ever accepting those I love now. Or the fact that I love other people. I'm just not sure how I could communicate it to her in a way she understands. I don't want her being upset over it. Not just because I don't like upsetting people, but because it is something she really needs to accept.
 
Would you think writing down what I want to say would help her understand if it's really the case?
Perhaps. At the very least, writing it out could help you sort out what you want to say, whether you speak to her or give it to her to read.

I'm just not sure how I could communicate it to her in a way she understands. I don't want her being upset over it. Not just because I don't like upsetting people, but because it is something she really needs to accept.

If you approach it with love and compassion, that's the best you can do. You have no control over what she does with the information. If she chooses to be upset about it, that's on her. If she refuses to accept your poly-ness, that's on her. All you can do is be honest, and express what you need to express in the kindest way you can. But sometimes it takes being a little firm to get people to take their blinders off.
 
Perhaps. At the very least, writing it out could help you sort out what you want to say, whether you speak to her or give it to her to read.



If you approach it with love and compassion, that's the best you can do. You have no control over what she does with the information. If she chooses to be upset about it, that's on her. If she refuses to accept your poly-ness, that's on her. All you can do is be honest, and express what you need to express in the kindest way you can. But sometimes it takes being a little firm to get people to take their blinders off.
Thank you. You and everyone else who has given me advice. I always appreciate it.
 
WELL!

I've recently lost Cherry. She left me, only to go fuck another guy. I thought all this talk of polyamory might have given her a clue that if that's what she really wanted, it was fine with me!

I really hate myself for not seeing this coming though. She left her ex to be with me in the first place. I'm sick of mind games and I'm sick of being treated like shit by everyone. Always being walked over. I don't know if I should be upset or glad I'm rid of her. I've already wasted too many tears.
 
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