I lost count a few years ago when I had to scratch my head and ask, what constitutes "sex".
A friend of mine defined sex as "any activity where if you had an orgasm it would be socially acceptable".
What does this even mean?
Are there unacceptable ways to have an orgasm?
I'm not a big fan of necessarily associating sex with orgasms, either. Lots of people do have fulfilling sex lives without orgasm and it doesn't have to lead to one.
Yes. And lots of people have unfulfilling sex lives without orgasms. If an orgasm were a necessity for "sex," then millions of mothers would be virgins.
Which is why from a very young age I found the fact that women are capable of multiple orgasms and yet often are given none to be a grave injustice of the highest order and have since strived to make my partner's pleasure the highest priority.
You might consider veering away from orgasm-centric sex altogether. When they happen, they are wonderful, of course, but an orgasm isn't what sexual pleasure is all about. The "your turn, my turn" style of sex is a fashion, it's not necessarily "good sex." Since the 90s, men have been schooled to "give" their female partners first dibs on the orgasm as some sort of show of being a good lover, but focusing on who goes first and how many times is to miss an enormous spectrum, indeed a web, of sexual pleasures and wonders. So many men evaluate their bedroom quality on whether they "give" an orgasm, how many times and in what order. For most women, satisfying sex has to do with far more than whether an orgasm was "given" to them.
The "you go first" mentality is a step up from "dump and jump," but it's still woefully limiting and male focused. Female sexuality has a lot to teach a man if he is wise enough to listen.
I don't see anything wrong with trying to make someone feel good, as long as nobody takes it personally or as an indictment if other mitigating factors prevent it.
If one struggles to achieve, seeking help to make sure everything is healthy is a good idea, but one should not be made to feel lesser for struggling. And if someone is on the Ace spectrum somewhere then it's perfectly logical to make it far less of a priority.
But that women's pleasure was for so long and in many ways continues to be overlooked is just messed up and I'm not going to stop trying to correct that.
I think that maybe the point is, ask your partner what they want, rather than just assuming that means lots of orgasms.
Yes. This is the point.
My comments were heteronormative because the original statement was heteronormative. Of course we are all aware that men are not necessary for a female oragasm or for sex at all. And of course, we all love orgasms and of course we all know that women love them. That was not the point of my post. If anyone isn't interested in broadening their sexual experience by considering a more Tantric, languid and expanded view of sexual energy and pleasure, then by all means, just don't go there. My point was that the "your turn, my turn" sex script that seems to give a man the idea that he is a giving and heroic lover is trendy, overplayed and can be woefully unsatisfying. There is so much beyond that.
I, personally, have never had sex with a woman, or a man for that matter, that didn't want to have an orgasm.