Best Way to End a New Relationship

screeanger0

New member
So I'm in an open marriage. I've been looking for a girlfriend for a few months. I met someone, got along well with her, and started up a sexual relationship. Yet I'm not feeling it. I don't know why exactly. I've had girlfriends in the past that I was just super excited to see again, but this one I'm not...

The question is: How do you best end a new relationship in terms of poly/open relationships?

I hate the idea of making it seem like I just wanted to have sex one or two times then leave, but it also seems cruel to continue the relationship when I'm not fully interested any longer.
 
So I'm in an open marriage. I've been looking for a girlfriend for a few months. I met someone, got along well with her, and started up a sexual relationship. Yet I'm not feeling it. I don't know why exactly. I've had girlfriends in the past that I was just super excited to see again, but this one I'm not...

The question is: How do you best end a new relationship in terms of poly/open relationships?

I hate the idea of making it seem like I just wanted to have sex one or two times then leave, but it also seems cruel to continue the relationship when I'm not fully interested any longer.

I guess my first question is: How would you end it if poly/open WASN'T part of the picture? ...and why is this different?

(This is actually a sincere question on my part, as I have never "broken up' with someone...at 44 years old, I recognize this is weird!)

I agree that it is cruel to prolong a relationship you are not interested in just to avoid having to end it it.

If you speak your truth - that you have have no particular gripes, but are just "not feeling it", then if she interprets it as you "just wanted to have sex one or two times then leave", then that is how she interprets it. People interpret things incorrectly all of the time :rolleyes:
 
I guess my first question is: How would you end it if poly/open WASN'T part of the picture? ...and why is this different?

(This is actually a sincere question on my part, as I have never "broken up' with someone...at 44 years old, I recognize this is weird!)

And my answer is... I have no clue. I've never "broken up" with someone either. All my past girlfriends (before and during poly) have left ME for one reason or another.

Thanks for the advice! I'll take any additional advice as well from anyone!
 
Sometimes the chemistry just doesn’t last, and that’s ok. Someone possibly on this board once told me relationships are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime - and they’re right. So perhaps this partner was just for a season - that’s _fine_ - not every relationship has to be ‘til death do us part’!

(Does she seem like she’s really into you ? It could be y’all are feeling the same - “eh, this is nice enough but not compelling”...)

In any case, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying “hey, thanks for being part of my life for a little while, it was lovely but I don’t think this is a rearion that’s gonna keep going”. She might be upset, or y’all might hug and leave as friendly acquaintances who shared some moments.

Just don’t ghost.
 
What I like about poly is that there is room for slow burning relationships. There is room for relationships that stay as they are, dating, for years.

What you do have to watch out for is saturation. If you're seeing someone three times a week leaving you little time to meet other people, it might make sense to have a talk and reduce the frequency to give you both room to find other types of relationships too.
 
Hello screeanger0,

I suppose the right thing to say to her would be, "I've really enjoyed our time together. I'm sad to say, I'm not feeling it so much now. It's nothing you did, it's just something about our chemistry. I think that we should break up. Sorry about that." Or something like that.

One thing to consider is, do you want to remain friends after this breakup? Your answer will have an effect on how you break it to her. Do you want it to be, "Goodbye," or do you just want it to be the end of the romantic part? Something to think about.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Examine all of the reasons why you want to end the relationship. Make a pros and cons list if you really need to outline the reasons the relationship won’t work. This will help you be sure that you are making the right decision by ending the relationship early.
 
honesty is great

Sometimes the chemistry just doesn’t last, and that’s ok. Someone possibly on this board once told me relationships are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime - and they’re right. So perhaps this partner was just for a season - that’s _fine_ - not every relationship has to be ‘til death do us part’!

(Does she seem like she’s really into you ? It could be y’all are feeling the same - “eh, this is nice enough but not compelling”...)

In any case, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying “hey, thanks for being part of my life for a little while, it was lovely but I don’t think this is a rearion that’s gonna keep going”. She might be upset, or y’all might hug and leave as friendly acquaintances who shared some moments.

Just don’t ghost.

And don't lie. If you say you don't have time and resources right now in order to soften the blow of 'no chemistry', and then you start dating someone else and she finds out, that's going to hurt both of you in some way.

I want to also mention that a friend/colleague of mine went on a blind date with a woman, they dated for a while, and then broke up because something was off. Years later they met again, things were different, and now they're married and living together for 10+ years. Life is funny.
 
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