Your most recent OKC messages. post em here!

I've had a recent spate, on both OKC and AdultFriendFinder, of messages along the lines of "We have a lot in common, I think we can help each other, let's meet"--all from men who are blatantly cheating on their wives, while both of my profiles clearly specify that I'm not cheating and won't deal with anyone who is.
 
Recently, I got this one from a 22-year old who lives several states away from me:

"There was a sexy woman. She had many suitors but she didn't respond to most. She replied selectively. Then one suitor attempted to court the lady in an absurdly odd way through a story.

She agreed to go out with him for drinks because of both his wit and humor. Because he his confident and brave. Because he is filled with both youth and maturity. Because he awkwardly screwed up the tenses in this paragraph. Most importantly because he wants to be her greatest lover

-Teddy

P.S. I'm not as egotistical as this note suggests."​

If he was a little bit older and lived much closer, I'd reply because I thought it clever.
 
But then, after the clever, comes a flurry of dregs. All spelling, capitalization, and punctuation (or lack thereof) shown below is exactly how they sent the messages.

From a 42-year-old, 71% match in Kuala Lampur:

"Hi Myself Joseph looking for a right friend and who can be a part of my dreams. I am an entrepreneur basically in IT and eCommerce Projects. I am matured and can adjust any lifestyle"​

From a 59-year-old, 60% match in Staten Island (I used to have it in my profile that I won't date anyone from Staten Island):

"Hi there very nice pics so what up"​

From a 35-year-old, 74% match, from Brooklyn, with "seks" and "bir" in his username (sex and beer) but no pictures:

"Hi... Check my profile, I wish to date with you.."​

Oh yeah, I'll get right on that.
 
Reading these posts makes me think..."Spellcheck, spellcheck...try to be clever but not too clever...try not to be too forward but be clear...be yourself but try not to be too open right away...god this is going to be worse than writing my doctoral dissertation when my supervisor checked over every word."

Maybe when I do inevitably go on OKCupid I should ask for some kind of sanity check before I send anything.
 
OnceandFuture writes:

Reading these posts makes me think..."Spellcheck, spellcheck...try to be clever but not too clever...try not to be too forward but be clear...be yourself but try not to be too open right away...god this is going to be worse than writing my doctoral dissertation when my supervisor checked over every word."

Maybe when I do inevitably go on OKCupid I should ask for some kind of sanity check before I send anything.


No, OnceandFuture, I don't think you're getting it. It's not about being careful not to be "too clever" or "too open." All you need to do is FIND SOMEONE WITH A HIGH MATCH PERCENTAGE with you and READ THE PROFILE and write a polite message EXPLAINING WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT THE PROFILE. Imagine that you are sending this message to a HUMAN PERSON and not to an object.

This should not be as hard as writing a dissertation.

But yes, also use spellcheck.
 
From a 42-year-old, 71% match in Kuala Lampur:

From a 59-year-old, 60% match in Staten Island (I used to have it in my profile that I won't date anyone from Staten Island):

Oh yeah, I'll get right on that.

So, nycindie: to a Manhattanite, is getting to Staten Island about as inconvenient as getting to Malaysia? :)
 
OnceandFuture writes:

Reading these posts makes me think..."Spellcheck, spellcheck...try to be clever but not too clever...try not to be too forward but be clear...be yourself but try not to be too open right away...god this is going to be worse than writing my doctoral dissertation when my supervisor checked over every word."

Maybe when I do inevitably go on OKCupid I should ask for some kind of sanity check before I send anything.


No, OnceandFuture, I don't think you're getting it. It's not about being careful not to be "too clever" or "too open." All you need to do is FIND SOMEONE WITH A HIGH MATCH PERCENTAGE with you and READ THE PROFILE and write a polite message EXPLAINING WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT THE PROFILE. Imagine that you are sending this message to a HUMAN PERSON and not to an object.

This should not be as hard as writing a dissertation.

But yes, also use spellcheck.

I realize lack of confidence is not an attractive trait. But I remember that the last time around on a site like OKCupid I posted close to 100 messages without a response. And I really did try everything you suggest. So thinking about it I turn into a bit of a chump.

It was some time ago. But optimism is a hard emotion to recapture, confidence in oneself hard to rebuild. I will, though.

I suppose I should pass on a funny story after that. After leaving that site I went to that heaven for monos, eharmony. Back then (maybe still now) you couldn't talk to matches right away...you had to pose a canned multiple choice question, then wait for an answer, then pose a different multiple choice question, wait for that answer, and only then could you pose your own question. So after going through that process with one match I finally got to her open-ended question, and her question to me was...

"If you were a car, what kind of car would you be?"

Note to self: next time, not a Honda Civic.
 
This morning from a 43 year old man in the UK:

those cum to bed eyes

Jeez. Horny guys r horny.
 
I recently got a few doozies:

"Good day dear and how are you doing today?I just look through your lovely profile now and it really caught my interest. Can It be you? I look at dating site as a process of getting to know someone, how do you see it yourself ? Okay, little about me: I am an easy going and fun loving man that seeks for a serious relationship in life. It is my concern to know you and get you close to my heart if you can accept a simple man of my kind. I will not forget to tell you that Trust is also very important to me and I know it will also be important for you as they are many bad people that uses the name of dating site to spoil others mind. I'm looking for someone to share my life with, someone to call my best friend and partner, not just someone to go out with. Someone that makes me laugh and who challenges me emotionally, i know we have a lot of the same interests. I ask you to take a look at my profile and see if you agree, I have already agreed myself..lol.

Please write me using my email box below as it will help me know you more. I think my subscription will be expiring tomorrow and I do not intend to subscribe with match for now due to my work style at the moment. ...I hope you understand, I will be waiting for your next message in my in [email protected].

Have a good day.
Andriono"​
Now, was he talking about Match simply because he copied and pasted his Match message to women or are OKC profiles now viewable on Match? If the latter, I'll delete mine ASAP.

Next idiot:

"Hello I am Gary a southern born gentleman that would love to meet you,spend time with you,and get to know you"​
So much for doing as I request in my profile and telling me what he liked in my profile that prompted him to write. <sigh>

Next unbelievably sad and scary message from someone who is asking me to bring money and move in with him. Obviously mentaly ill:
"Happy Hollday and happy new year to you and your family as wellI also have sec.8 and I can move anywhere in the usa and I am also planning to move out of Brooklyn ny but I am going to check out some of the other boroughs / con tack me ok
I will explain more to you over the phone if that ok with you sorry for the long profile but it tell about me and woman would not care about what the real man have because it take to read build life to gather you no what I am trying to say here and as well be ready to be with me in person I am not looking for some one who want to take two or three years ok so pls pls have your stuff ready to gather ok and let me make this clear as well ok pls if your going to want what my profile state pls be ale to move to where I am under the same roof ok you no what I am trying to say here as well and pls have money save up to come to me ok I am not here to hand out money to any one you should have that take care of ok and thank y
And Let Me Make This Deeply Also clear its not About How Much Money the person have or if he gets ssi or ssa that should not matter at all. Money deeply Can’t buy you real love from the Heart what I am looking for ok. and I am real ok. let me say and make this clear it not about looks or age or color ok or how much money and if you are a real women should not be looking for a rich man even if you have a nice job or what ever u would like to call it . And love come from both party work to gather not a one way street it’s a two way street and showing real love and make real love straight from the heart And Want the hold nine yards. And WHO WANT SOME THING REAL FOREVER AND BE SERIOUS AND BE TALLY HONEST FROM THE HEART OK SO PLS PLS REPLY BACK OK AND THANK Y.
AND I WOULD LIKE TO MEET A REAL WOMEN. AND IT DO NOT MATHER ABOUT YOUR LOOK OR WEIGHT OR AGE OR COLOR OR WHAT YOU HAVE OR GOT YOUR EDUCATION OR YOUR OCCUPATION As well and also
THIS IS MY > ONE BEDROOM APT. I MOVE IN TO MARLBORO HOUSING NYCHA IN 3/5/12 AND HERE IS MY HOME NUMBER MY CELL: _____ and house number ____ And My address is real here ok And this is where I live write now ok
And I Have Optimum cable ok that means I have the hold pkg ok phone inter net cable. And I use the phone to talk on that the house phone / and the cell / and I also use my laptop pc to email ok and we do video chat if you have that we can also do that to. And thank y is this so hard to do And > may I ask to Do ? pls read this port is about me pls read and and answer me ok i mean this do not lev / this blank space with out answer it ok thank y
and if you really really serious about want the same and my profile state what i am looking for pls pls read the profile and pls send me your real full name and email address and a talking phone mean have a phone to talk on ok i do not text ok i rather to talk to you on the phone and you no what i am trying to say here r
pls ground you self when you read my profile because it is my life and real ok not lol land ok and what it say i am looking for ok a good women you no the rest r and action speak l then words and if you really are looking for the same and want a better life with some one who is real you no what to do and i hope you are ready to move on ok and may i ask ? what your real full name and you email address and con tack number my con tack info is in my profile ok and PLS READ MY PROFILE OK /
AND LIKE I SAY /
let make this clear ok I am not looking to make friends ok I am looking for long term relationship in person ok
this is not joke or game ok so take me deeply serious here ok I AM NOT HERE TWO PLAY ANY HEAD GAMES OK FOR REAL FOR REAL HERE OK SO I HOPE YOU ARE 100% REAL. AND THANK Y TAKE YOUR TIME OUT TWO READ MY LONG PROFILE
I have a good head on my shoulders and I have my own apt and I live in bklyn ny and i am all ways happy and i all so like to help out other if i can and honest, fun-loving, people person and i all so love children. and I am Aquarius my birthday is Jan 31 and I live in Brooklyn ny and I do not smoke or drink and this is a true profile about me ok and this is only for seriously woman who is looking for are real long term relationship ok please read cupful ok thank you I am a down to earth person and loving and like to help other person brother and sister ok I am mix with Cherokee Indian And Italian African American Person ok I will explain more later and I was born in the bx but rays up in long island ny and my birthday is Jan 31 and I am 49 young at heart with a good personally and my h is 5/11 my w/t is 244 min built brown skin and brown eyes and black hear and I where glass and they change in the sun like sun glass ok and you no what I am trying to say I was marry for the first time and that was my first girl and wife there was a lot of crazy stuff going on there ok I will explain more to you when we speak on the phone and in person ok and I got my divorce in 2006 and I have my papers ok and I have only first son Brandon lee Williams that my baby he with his mom not buy any courts ok I can get him any time ok and he is a very good kid and that baby son ok and well taking care of. And I love him and I have my own apt in bklyn ny ok I do have a h school diploma and I all so have a security and fdny fire officer lic and cert with Microsoft and O by the way I am in to acting and I am new Braking in to Hollywood my coach is Brooke Bundy from night mare on elm st and the casting dir is Shirley fisher baker abs soaps one life to live all my children /[email protected] and all so my /[email protected] I am deeply serious interested in u and i hope you are to from the heart life is to short for stupid games"​

<very big sigh>

And I just hid two members who came up in my Visitors List - one is named Chicklicker and the other NeedToTasteYou. I guess that's all they think matters to women.

I might pull the plug on OKC for good soon.
 
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Whew, Cindie, that was a tough read!
 
Guy from Tennessee, no profile, no match %age:

Hey I'm Charles text me [phone #] u don't look no 60
 
A local guy (47) writes:

You just seem cool! Looking for honest, fun real person who understands the important things in life. I love old movies, watching cooking shows, restaurants on the water and just cuddling up on the couch with someone special on rainy/snowy Sunday's. Not into drama or negativity. Looking for someone to compliment me. :)

Generic, but not bad, but then he ruins it:

Want someone fun and sweet but who LOVES to get her fuck on behind closed doors!!!

I didn't respond, so a few days later he tried to be more direct:

So fucking sexy!!! I'd LOVE to go down on you!!!
 
OnceandFuture writes:

Reading these posts makes me think..."Spellcheck, spellcheck...try to be clever but not too clever...try not to be too forward but be clear...be yourself but try not to be too open right away...god this is going to be worse than writing my doctoral dissertation when my supervisor checked over every word."

Maybe when I do inevitably go on OKCupid I should ask for some kind of sanity check before I send anything.


No, OnceandFuture, I don't think you're getting it. It's not about being careful not to be "too clever" or "too open." All you need to do is FIND SOMEONE WITH A HIGH MATCH PERCENTAGE with you and READ THE PROFILE and write a polite message EXPLAINING WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT THE PROFILE. Imagine that you are sending this message to a HUMAN PERSON and not to an object.

This should not be as hard as writing a dissertation.

But yes, also use spellcheck.

Gee you make it sound so easy...lol. The reality is most women do not answer messages for a variety of reasons. It sucks to put effort into crafting a nice message only to have it either ignored or discarded, especially when you have no idea why. I used to wonder if something was wrong with me, but now I just have zero expectations.
 
Gee you make it sound so easy...lol. The reality is most women do not answer messages for a variety of reasons. It sucks to put effort into crafting a nice message only to have it either ignored or discarded, especially when you have no idea why. I used to wonder if something was wrong with me, but now I just have zero expectations.

I answer all messages where the man has obviously put in an effort. But that is one in 20, if that. Most women probably have a bf or two and don't even check their accounts that often. Because 19 messages out of 20 are boring or insulting or outright disgusting.
 
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