Need advice, husband is in love with my best friend

Oh! When you guys mentioned a blog post I at first didn't know what you meant. I thought you were saying something like - tell your story to livejournal. I didn't realize that was a whole category here on the Forum. If you guys think this definitely fits better there, I'll ask the moderators to move it.


I don't think THIS thread needs to be moved there. I think you should start a NEW thread there to continue writing things that you may not require people to pick apart and give you free advice about. I think it would be beneficial for you personally. You could have John and Sarah read about what's going on with you without it seeming like folks are ganging up on them. That's what tends to happen in discussion/advice threads, even though it's usually coming from a place of wanting to help whoever started a particular thread. Blogs are primarily for the purpose of reflection, identification, and neutral commentary.

That's just what I think, and you don't have to do it if you don't feel like it.
 
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New development.

So last night Sarah had a rough night, feeling like a stranger in her own home as Mike continues to not talk to her much, and she called John. They talked for an hour or so. Phone calls are totally cool, but afterwards while texting with Sarah I told her that both John and I love and support her, but there is a Mike-sized hole in her life right now, and I don't want her to fill it with John. She said she understood and agreed that wasn't what she wants to happen either.

Then today John tells me that the break he and Sarah planned to take after November 4th, they are now starting to think they shouldn't bother to take, because it won't help anything and it will only hurt Sarah, since she feels isolated.

So I said to John - exactly how did you and Sarah come to the conclusion, without talking to me or Mike about it, that a break wouldn't help anything? And also, Sarah has two close friends (other than me) and a mother she can call and talk to about all of this. She's not alone, and depending on John as her primary source of support isn't helpful. It is essentially John filling the Mike-sized hole.

Then (and here's the kicker) he tells me that because he has no one but Sarah and me in his support circle that HE can't go without her, and that makes a break impossible. Major red flag on the field. I was okay with him needing her to be a part of his life, but for her to be his primary source of support is totally not okay.

So I told him he needs to expand his circle of support, with a therapist, a friend he confides in, or some combination, because the break is no longer his call. It will happen, or we will get a divorce.

So now I'm sitting in a bar, drinking wine, and preparing for all possible futures over a cup of soup.

Am I being unreasonable?
 
I think they're trying to steamroll right over you. Good for you for standing your ground.
 
A "time out" is NOT unreasonable in all this drama.

There is a difference between what feels "urgent" and what is "important."

GG
 
Thanks for your feedback, guys.

When I came home last night, John told me he thought about it and agreed that a break should happen, but he didn't know when. I said - how about November 4th. But this can't just be a break from sexting and alone time, it needs to be a break from all communication so they can both develop coping skills and not be so dependent on each other for support.

Then I asked him to tell me exactly what his needs are, which he had never really done. He started by saying he needed his texts with Sarah to be completely un-limited (in frequency and type of content), and a couple of other things. And I stopped him and said - do you absolutely need to have a romantic relationship with Sarah - meaning that without that need being met, he and I would get a divorce.

He said he thought his answer was yes, but he's not completely sure.

So I clairified - so you mean that even if it we determine that a continued relationship with Sarah would destroy us, you'd choose Sarah over us?

He said he'd have to think about it.

I absolutely need our relationship to be our first priority - for no other relationship to come before ours. So right now we are on the edge of a knife for ending our marriage.

I was so upset and crying so hard that I couldn't breathe, and my limbs started to get pins and needles. John got me a bag to breathe in and helped me to the couch. Today we have plans with friends (including Sarah) so I'm just trying to hold it all together the best I can. I gave Sarah the short short version of what's happened, but with everybody around that's all I had time for.
 
I am so devastated.

It's been days, and he still can't decide if our marriage is his top priority. He says I'm being impatient and that I should wait for the break to happen on Nov 4th and for us to just take it from there. Maybe he's right. What do you think?

I think the break needs to happen regardless, but I also think he needs to determine what his absolute needs are. He needs to decide if we're his top priority - that if a continued romantic relationship with Sarah would destroy us that he'd end it. He says it's complicated. I don't think it is - I think it's just painful and difficult. He doesn't want to say he can live without Sarah, because he doesn't want to have to. And he knows if he says he absolutely can't live without Sarah and would choose her over us, that we'll get divorced. So I feel like he's stringing me along, hoping that there's some situation in which he can have us both, but where he doesn't have to say that our marriage is a priority.

How long should someone in his position need to know what they can't live without? Am I being unreasonable?
 
I do not know what else is going on over there. But you just had this serious conversation...
So I clarified - so you mean that even if it we determine that a continued relationship with Sarah would destroy us, you'd choose Sarah over us?

He said he'd have to think about it.

on 10/27/2012.

And you want him to make a major life decision in the middle of drama (the Sarah and Mike crazy), in the middle of NRE (John and Sarah) and in the middle of serious struggle but not as crazy sounding as the other people because you at least talk (John and Lydia) about whether to get a divorce? At nearly midnight last night/this morning on 11/1 when you last posted? When the break (John and Sarah) is happening on 11/4?

I would let the break come about, breathe. I think some of your "ACK!" is understandable but would YOU want to make a major life decision without sorting it all out? He's sounding like he's asking for air, clear space/time. That doesn't sound horrible to me.

I know you WANT a firm decision so you don't have to be in "Hang Time at the Forge" squirming with uncomfortable like fire is nipping at your toes while you hang in the air.

If it is that important to you to be free of squirmy --- YOU could decide to end it. Esp if you feel strong about stricy monogamy (ideal) or a strict primary-secondary polyship with you as the primary (what seems to be your ideal compromise.) That things are not ideal right now -- that's something else.

If you are willing to wait and see -- ask for reassurance that he's going to take it seriously, going to think hard, cares for you and is taking you into consideration. If he's still willing to be in romantic relationship with you even if he doesn't know the shape of it yet. A rough date for a serious talk if not final answer -- perhaps appt with counselor around then to help you guys sort. The bottom of November maybe? Those things you could reasonably ask for reassurance on.

It's not the ideal -- because I know you WANT a final answer. But perhaps that's a "could live with that much for now?" Right now you seem to want reassure/feedback.

I know this is a Time of Suckage. I know it is not like pick "win-lose" choices. It is choosing between "this sucks" and "this sucks." So which one is "this sucks but less because there's light at the end of tunnel eventually even if it sucks for now" and which one is "This sucks and it is just endless, ongoing, neverneding, suckage?" You are in a Time of Discernment for yourself.

But to ask him for absolute final answer? I dunno if that is reasonable. I do not know his personality or the circumstances. You cannot control another person's behavior.

You can only control yourself.

So it's kind of like you are at a place where you have to weigh out what you value most right now...

a) Your need to be comfortable and no longer "Ack!" feeling. The need to KNOW one way or another so you aren't hanging in the balance.

b) your need to be in romantic relationship to John.

c) your need to be in monoship or at least primary in a "V" situation in a romance

I know they are taking a break. Why don't YOU take a break? Everyone take a break? Each player off in their own corner to clear their head?

Galagirl
 
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I do not know what is going on over there.

(SNIP)

I know they are taking a break. Why don't YOU take a break? Everyone take a break? Each player off in their own corner to clear their head?

Galagirl

I think it's because she knows deep down that he's already made up his mind and it's not the answer she wants it to be. He's stalling around giving her that answer because he is hoping she will come around to his way of thinking. That would be the easiest thing, logistically speaking, for everyone.

We all know certain things deep down in ourselves, when we are still faced with choices to make externally. If John even felt a shred of possibility toward "a V with Lydia as absolute primary", he would be making sounds to that effect. He would be saying things like, "I really want to do whatever it takes to save our marriage, I just don't know if I'd be able to do it in practice because I love Sarah and don't want to see her hurt." Instead it's all, "I just can't decide, you're rushing me, my needs, my priorities, it's too complicated." Which is all grooovy and shit, but Lydia knows what the answer would be today, and it's the same one it will be next week or in two weeks or in a month, and she wants to get it over with. At the same time, both are holding out for the other one to change their mind.

This reminds me of another group on here from a while back, where the husband was pushing to have the girlfriend be a "co-primary", the wife wasn't having it, and now they are getting a divorce. I don't want to say who it is I'm thinking of, but if Lydia wants to know, I will PM her and tell her which thread(s) to read.
 
I think it's because she knows deep down that he's already made up his mind and it's not the answer she wants it to be. He's stalling around giving her that answer because he is hoping she will come around to his way of thinking

That's what it sounds like to me.

Which is why I advise everyone take a break and time out all by themselves. So they can listen to the quiet inner voice. Get clear on what they are willing/not willing to do/accept. And find the courage to SPIT IT OUT. Otherwise it is going around in circles like everyone is "No, YOU go first." Nobody wants to go first and own their own wants, needs, and limits. Everyone wants to go second and be all "What I want depends on what THEY want."

John seems to want a polyship with Lydia and Sarah, but does not seem to clearly want to articulate "end of monoship." He may or may not want it ALSO to mean end of marriage. But he seems fearful to state "I want end of monoship" because Lydia feels strongly about monoship. Has stated as much -- even up to it is divorce if she cannot have monoship or at least primaryship.

But I don't hear she's particularly enthused with that "hybrid option." If you can't go there with enthusiasm, don't bother. Throw that option out. That's why I put it grey. There is nothing wrong with wanting monoship!

Lydia gets to make a value call -- value being with John, even in polyship more? Or value monoship more? It's a call that is hers to make.

Otherwise time keeps on ticking by. And sooner or later another player explodes like Mike did/does from the pressure. Then that solves things another kind of way. :(

Sigh.

I feel for you Lydia -- but seriously. Take a time out. Decide what YOU want MOST here.

a) Your need to be comfortable and no longer "Ack!" feeling. The need to KNOW one way or another so you aren't hanging in the balance. (ex: You break up with John. There. Sucks, but suckage with an ending in sight so you can reach for your next happiness. No more "ack, hanging in balance feeling.")

b) your need to be in romantic relationship to John. (ex: then you serve hang time while he sorts his shit out. Even if it feels yucky. Give John a deadline to present you with his offer. THEN you listen and discuss the offer he brings you. You may or may not accept the offer. But at least you know the suckage of hang time has an end in sight. No offer by deadline? You check out toward your next future happiness. Walk away from drama crazymaking things.)

c) your need to be in monoship or at least primary in a "V" situation in a romance (You could choose to get real clear on this (with John or future partner) and do NOT swing again knowing that emotions can throw a monkeywrench in there. You have learned something about yourself in a swing situation. )

It's hard to feel. But options seems pretty straightforward to me.

1) You decide you are done and get out NOW and leave crazymaking behind you. You move it toward your next future.

2) You decide how much more you are willing to hang around waiting. Giving John to the end of November to give you an offer to consider is not unreasonable to me. Accept, adjust and accept, or decline offer -- and you leave crazymaking behind you regardless what you pick. You move it toward your next future.

Move it forward. Step away from the crazy.

Galagirl
 
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No more "ack, hanging in balance feeling.

Ordinarily, I don't care to use these emo-esque expressions, preferring to use words that have explicit definitions - but what you are referring to is definitely more of an "ugh" than an "ack".

"Ack" is something that applies when one is reacting in the acute sense to an unexpected unpleasant discovery and/or relatively short-term circumstance. "Ugh" is something that applies to the day-to-day disgust surrounding a denial of reality and/or enduring of an untenable situation over a relatively long-term period of time.

I just wanted to set you straight on that. Sorry to interrupt the flow of topic.

As you were.
 
Thank you, guys, for your advice. I'm taking it all in and trying to breathe. John seems to be in the dark on how close we really are to the end of our marriage. He doesn't realize that my primary-ship isn't something I can bend on. I'll have to find a way to get through to the day he knows what his answer is, or end it myself.
 
Update

John has texted me this afternoon that I'm his top priority. He says that it's been so hard for him to say that because he thought I'd just turn around and tell him to break up with Sarah, even though I've told him that woulnd't be the case. He says he's still not comfortable telling me what's going on in his relationship with Sarah (they're both purposefully keeping me in the dark these days), but that he won't let an outside force split us up. He believes he can be a committed and loving partner to me even with Sarah in our lives.

So, that is definitely something. I no longer feel like my whole world is ending. Just him saying that we are a priority to him makes such a difference to me. But it also shows me that he's still not confiding in me 100% (which is its own problem), but that's something we work on over time, hopefully during the break which will last 2 months.

Breathing has commenced.


Meanwhile there's the friendship with Sarah. She hasn't really talked with me since I made it clear the break is happening. So I reached out to her and asked - what's up, John says you're mad at me, can you tell me why?

Sarah said she's angry with me for enforcing a break on November 4th. I asked her if she knew why a break was necessary. When she said she didn't, I explained why (which you guys all probably know by now, but I'll list for any newcomers).

1.) Her husband Mike has made it clear that he absolutely needs a romantic relationship with John to end. So Sarah may not be in the picture for John in the long run if she doesn't divorce Mike.

2.) John has been confiding and depending on Sarah more than he is on me, and for our marriage to continue that can't continue to be the case. I don't want our marriage to end, and he doesn't want our marriage to end.

So for both reasons, he needs a break to distance himself from Sarah, who he says he's become dependant on, and develop a support system that doesn't revolve around her, as well as to heal the damage that our relationship has experienced over the past several months.

Instead of addressing those fairly sound reasons, Sarah then jumped to saying she's mad at me for pulling the rug out from under John - support-wise - without putting something else in place first to compensate for her absense, as if he's is a helpless child.

And mind you, the November 4th date was something they had come up with, before they backed out of it without consulting me at all. On Saturday (a week before Nov 4th) when John told me they decided to back out of it, I said - oh no, it's happening or we're getting a divorce, so get a support structure in place right now. He made it clear to me that who he confides in and when is his decision to make, and I completely agree.

I listened to Sarah, told her that her feelings are real and that I hear her and she's important to me, and I said to her - John's an adult, and he's in charge of his own decisions as to whom he wants to confide in. I've suggested to him that he get a therapist for just himself (not our couples therapist), and/or confide in a friend or his brother. But those are his choices to make, not mine. I can't force him into therapy. So, she is saying she's mad at me for something that's outside of my control.

And even though I've expressed that to her, she doesn't really want to acknowledge or accept it. She just wants to be mad at me for taking John from her for a limited period of time in order to save our marriage.

So I guess I've lost my best friend, at least for now. Maybe eventually she'll come around. If she continues to resent me for trying to keep my marriage from ending, I really don't see it working out in the long term with her as a metamour.

I sometimes feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Sometimes I just want to take John and Sarah by the shoulders and say - snap out of it! You can't be a team against me, that withholds information from me and resents me for my most basic needs, and expect to continue to have a romantic relationship with each other without ending our marriage. Wake the fuck up!!!

They have the power to make this work (as long as Sarah decides her marriage with Mike isn't worth saving, or she somehow convinces Mike that he doesn't really have the needs he openly says he does). And they have the power to make this fail.

It's not an easy situation, or a pain free one, but it sure as hell isn't complicated.
 
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They remind me of teenagers who think the world as they have come to know it will vanish in a puff of greasy black smoke if someone takes away their iPod.

I really hope for your sake John means what he says, because words alone mean ALMOST nothing (I realize that hearing the words means something to you but it's only a token step). It remains to be seen whether John's ACTIONS agree with his words. You seem to know that already.

It sucks that your best friend has turned into your adversary though.
 
It sucks that your best friend has turned into your adversary though.

Yes, it really does. Either she doesn't realize or she doesn't care how much harm she is adding to my life. All she can focus on right now is what the break means to her.

Later she texted me that she didn't know the Nov 4th day was ever really official, so there was nothing for her to back out of. I said - that's not what John told me. She said she's not John so that's not her problem.

And that's when I caught her - I said so then since John had a week to prepare for this, you're not really mad about his needs not being met. You're mad about your own. Own up to it.

And to that she had nothing to say.
 
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"Lydia, you are my best friend and I would never do anything to intentionally cause harm to you or your marriage. Through some series of events however, I happen to discover that I have feelings of more-than-just-friendly love for your husband. Since this feeling has been acknowledged as mutual, I would like nothing better than to find a way to make this work for all of us. I do not wish to bring misery into your life - I want to work together to bring more happiness into John's life, and hope that by doing so that we might even realize a deepening of our friendship. It was never my intention to "steal" your husband from you, and I understand that you probably feel pain and betrayal to a certain extent. I am sure I would feel similar things if I were in your position. Can we please figure out a way to move forward so that we might eventually arrive at a dynamic we all feel comfortable with? I know you said you need some time - a "break" you call it - for us to all clear our heads and figure out what we need from each other. I have so much respect for you as a person and as a friend, and John is such a wonderful man that he is worth the extra effort and deserves two women who love him so much, that I would like to take you up on your offer to get some space in order to try to work things out. You are such a generous wife, partner, and friend to have opened yourself to sharing your husband with me; not many women would do that and I will try to do whatever I can to not come between you and John because I value your friendship as much as i value the new level of relationship I have discovered with him. Please tell me what you need from me in order to give this a chance to work.

Your BFF,

Sarah"




Anything less than that is unacceptable, as far as I'm concerned.
 
I agree with BoringGuy.

Anything less is not acceptable. It's already been too much drama. Sigh. :(

Galagirl
 
And it definitely does not help that when John came home and I told him how upset and angry I feel right now so that he would know where my head is at, that his first reaction was to defend Sarah. Without even seeing the text conversation. Because it doesn't seem to matter that her feelings of resentment toward me are completely unreasonable. I asked her why she was mad at me, and she gave me an answer, so John and Sarah think it should just end there.

But whenever Sarah asked Mike what he was feeling and he told her (and it was often unreasonable as well) - of COURSE she got mad at Mike and told him why what he said was unreasonable. But no - when I'm the one dealing with someone who feels put upon and resentful because I don't want my marriage to end, I should just suck it up and accept whatever answer I'm given.

Such complete and total bullshit. Total hypocrites.
 
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Oh my god, BoringGuy, you actually brought me to tears. :-(

I wish she could not just say, but really believe those things.


It wasn't hard to write because that's what i would be feeling if i fell in love with and expected to pursue a relationship with the spouse of a close friend.

Of course, i don't speak that way, and i am capable of being equally nasty in writing when the situation moves me to it.
 
DISCLAIMER : My apologies for the looong ass post. And all the rainbow color crazy. But it helps me keep track of points. Please bear with me. I am in no way minimizing your own struggle or pain here even though the rainbow stuff makes it appear kinda eyesore.

My intent is to try to give you constructive feedback. I sincerely hope things get to a happier space for all 4 people involved one way or another. I don't think any of you is bad people -- but I do think there is 4 people in a mess and struggling to get out of it.

best wishes,
Galagirl

--------------------------

COLOR CODE

  • bold = "Serious Relationship Discussion over cel phone text" problems.
  • purple = bumping into (John + Sarah) polyship tier privacy limits / behavior that bumps into this
  • orange = lydia fear she is not primary / need to be primary / looking for primary reassure / behavior when in this mode
  • red = how Lydia feels when she gets reassure from John / when John reassures
  • green = John speaking to fear of losing Sarah / behavior when in this fearful mode
  • blue = "John as hinge" related problems / behavior when in this "leaky hinge" mode
  • magenta = Sarah & Mike stuff

John has texted me this afternoon that I'm his top priority. He says that it's been so hard for him to say that because he thought I'd just turn around and tell him to break up with Sarah, even though I've told him that wouldn't be the case. He says he's still not comfortable telling me what's going on in his relationship with Sarah (they're both purposefully keeping me in the dark these days), but that he won't let an outside force split us up. He believes he can be a committed and loving partner to me even with Sarah in our lives.

So, that is definitely something. I no longer feel like my whole world is ending. Just him saying that we are a priority to him makes such a difference to me.
But it also shows me that he's still not confiding in me 100% (which is its own problem), but that's something we work on over time, hopefully during the break which will last 2 months.

Breathing has commenced.

bold = You could accept limitation of the media and STOP having Serious Relationship Discussion by cel phone text. Your relationships deserve a serious platform. Not the platform for "Don't forget the milk, hon!"

A large part of communication is the paraverbal. You won't get body language, tone of voice, immediate feedback, etc over cel phone text. Could consider making this a policy for YOU. You do not do serious romance relationship talk with John by text. You do not do serious best friendship/metamourship talk with Sarah by text. Face time best, then phone or email. Not text.

purple = Lydia bumping into tiership privacy. Possibly from orange and blue reasons:

  • orange = lydia fear she is not primary / need to be primary / looking for primary reassure
  • blue = John as hinge problems

Could learn about and understand your polymath tiers. Every "mini relationship" tier inside a larger polyship needs its own privacy and air time. It does not mean you are not primary if he does not share every little detail with you about his relationship with Sarah.

When he overshares, even if he does it because you asked him to... does it ADD to your emotional health stability or TAKE AWAY from your emotional health stability? To me it sounds like takes away from your emotional health and well being. So why ask for this? If all it does is feed your fear? Is that what you want to feed? You find a balance to asking for what it yours to know and what is TMI and not your biz. He finds balance between appropriate telling/oversharing.

When you get reassure from John, you notice you feel a LOT better. Could consider asking John for more of this rather than asking for more of the other. It calls for you being super brave and letting go of the need to know everything on their tier and getting secure in your OWN tier with John. Identify what takes away from "secure" on your tier with John. John oversharing information you do not need to know is one of them.

Anything else? Could all players learn their polymath tiers better?

Could his fear of losing Sarah cause him to let you run right over his own privacy boundaries? Then you get yourself in emotional hot water. Could he get firmer with you to HELP YOU find emotional stable ground? Maybe you could ask him to get firmer with you and with himself.

Let's look at recent John hinge problem. I won't list them ALL throughout your thread. But it's a running theme here. He's having to learn how to be a hinge on the fly. I still think he could start posting for support here himself -- or at some other poly forum. Nobody is going to judge him. He seems to need support though -- if he's leaking all over you and Sarah.

Meanwhile there's the friendship with Sarah. She hasn't really talked with me since I made it clear the break is happening. So I reached out to her and asked - what's up, John says you're mad at me, can you tell me why?

Why does John tell you Sarah is mad? If Sarah is upset, she can come to you direct and own her upset herself.

John could could tell Sarah "If you are upset with Lydia, tell her direct if you want to resolve it. Do not tell me. Eliminate the middle man so there's no triangulation. And it is better for my emotional health anyway."

You could learn to tell John "Do not tell me things like that. Sarah can tell me direct. Do not put yourself in a position where you could be caught in crossfire. That is not tending to your own emotional health. "

John telling you hurtful things 2nd hand helps how? Avoid triangulation.

Later she texted me that she didn't know the Nov 4th day was ever really official, so there was nothing for her to back out of. I said - that's not what John told me. She said she's not John so that's not her problem. (my side note: actually it IS partially her problem. It is a TRIO problem if John is a leaky hinge. The Trio players may just not realize this yet about the Trio Communication Well Being.)

And that's when I caught her - I said so then since John had a week to prepare for this, you're not really mad about his needs not being met. You're mad about your own. Own up to it. And to that she had nothing to say.


You did a good thing trying to seek the clarify from Sarah. Did you guys ALSO clarify with John? Again, avoid triangulation.

Here you gave her no "how to" for betterment. You let your need to be top dog in the [(John + Lydia) to Sarah] tier of polyship get you in defensive mode. Was John here in this conversation? No. You are talking about John, but he's not here. Who is here? The (Sarah +Lydia+ tier. How was your behavior helping to cultivate the friendly metamourship you claim you want? It wasn't.

Could learn to focus on what tier you are on in what moment.

Could learn to tell Sarah

"Look, I came to you because John told me you were mad. I prefer you come to me direct if you are mad at me. I don't want to add to the with he-said-she-said stuff. Let's agree to go direct.

I see the break thing also upset you. It is not my fault that John did not give you enough notice that a break for our marriage repair was needed. My marriage also needs air time and tending. Every marriage does. Should I have told you direct on that too? So you got 2 directs on the need for our marriage to repair?

We could talk to John together. Clear up this miscommunication thing so it does not happen again. I want to work with you so we are in good metamourship - not adversaries."​

That tells her how to solve her yucky next time and park it at the right door next time -- come to you direct, don't heap john hinge issues on to you.

blue = John as hinge problems.

He is the Shared Sweetie. (even if temporarily). He overshares in your direction. He could stop doing this, and you could stop putting him in a position where he is tempted to overshare because you ask for information that is not your right to have.

You could tell him "Hey, I'm learning too. If I intrude on the poly tiership of John/Sarah privacy, tell me I'm stepping over the line. But then reassure me that you love me and I am primary so I can relax about it. I want to learn to give you privacy without having a cow."​

On the Sarah side, he doesn't share enough! He did not tell her about the Nov 4 break? Even you noted he then had a week to get used to it and she did not! You guys ended up sniping at each other when really? Problem is John not communicating as hinge well.

He could tell Sarah:

"Look, we all need a time out. You need space to sort things with Mike. I need space to sort things with Lydia. So let's have a face time break to do that in and have a checkpoint on _____ in 2 mos. In the meanwhile, we can have unlimited cel phone text. It's worth a short 2 mos break right? If it can help lead to harmonious polyship? "​

(cont.)
 
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