The "How Are You Doing" Thread (redux)

Red flag!!! Why should he be anxious and fearful about another relationship of yours? He is blaming his feelings on something that has nothing to do with him! You have every right to have as much love and loving relationships in your life as you want. And why is she telling you about it? That is not nice of her and seems manipulative.

Be careful - it's not your job to alleviate his anxiety and fear, nor to prop him up; it's his job to deal with his own insecurities and you do not owe him anything. Watch out for any kind of guilt-tripping, manipulation, or pressure from him. I'm not saying he'd do it consciously, but he does seem like he needs to get a grip. Ugh, I'd be vigilant in maintaining my personal boundaries if I were you.


Pixie was discussing these things more out of concern for Dean. She and I are very close and she knows that I care deeply for him and want to know what's going on. She knows he won't come to me with these anxieties for the exact reasons you mentioned: they are his to work through.

When I confronted him about this he was very vague and seemed to have already gotten past whatever anxieties he was feeling. I brought it up again on our date on Sunday and it seems like something that he is easier able to work through than what is assumed. He told me he feels like they may be a little too sensitive about his anxiety. When Cuba was mentioned, he told me he actually thought we had already slept together because of the nature of our relationship and it really doesn't bother him so long as Cuba is okay.

And Cuba's concern is for Dean because they have never met before (Cuba is very close with Zed so he is aware of his comfort).

I am really not worried about manipulation from Pixie as it seems she mainly comes to me when she wants to share what's going on. We really just all care about each other and want to share even the struggles.
 
not keeping score

One of my dear friends/lovers reminded me today that our friendship needs nothing but our love.

I have cried on his shoulder, well from a distance, a little over the last month over something non-poly related. Today I reached out again asking for a reply to an email I'd sent him last week. I then attempted to give the offer of reciprocity, being there for him if/when he needs. He didn't reject that, he just reminded me that our love and friendship is enough. Absolutely, totally enough.

Evie
 
In the middle of my two weeks at Djinn and Mal's house. I'm loving every minute of it. I feel happy and secure. Djinn left today with one of The Kids, and Aladdin. Mal and I have the other Kid m(7), and most of a week to ourselves. I lab to enjoy it all!
 
Feeling good. Getting things done today.

Got an email a little while ago from a guy I met earlier this week. Good saxophone player, good kisser... mmm. He doesn't live in NYC but comes here semi-regularly. When me met, it was the night before he was heading out of town. He told me his schedule is unpredictable, but he'd like to see me next time he's here. I said, "Just let me know and I'll make time for you!" That was three vodkas talking, not sure I would have offered to be so accommodating had I been sober. It was nice to see the email today, though! I like not being the first one to contact somebody, for once -- at least I know he's really interested. Not crazy about LDRs, but hey he was handsome, funny, and fun. Oh and yeah, can't forget how he pressed his body against me when we kissed good-night.

Taking some time today to work on my apartment, go through some paperwork, and set some goals for myself for the rest of the year.

But first... laundry!
 
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But first... laundry!

Laundry! The never ending!

I got home early Friday morning from Mal's. Djinn was away for the last half of the visit, and it was heavenly. It is so easy to be with him. We had one of The Kids (m7), while Djinn and Aladdin were away with the other one (f12). He had to work, so mostly I had lazy days playing with The Kid, and cooking fancy (-ier) meals than I would usually cook. We started geocaching (The Kid's idea!) and it's a blast! We did a pretty hard one first and miraculously found it, and the some easy ones the last day I was there. It was great.

Now, of course, I'm home, and suffering through readjustment. Feeling alone and lonely. With a weekend of nothing to do but laundry I'm not doing well. I'll be glad to get back to work on Monday and find my routine again.
 
Lots of new lessons learned and grounds broken as of late.

Zed and I have spent a lot of time with Pixie and Dean as of late. Both in group and private date/switch nights. The only thing remotely worrying is how good things are going. We all seem to grow closer as the days pass and with every issue we overcome.

Things are still going smoothly with Cuba. I've been able to let go of my infatuation and expectations over him and actually been able to simply enjoy the dynamic of our friendship and connection. Going to see him later on in the week, which I'm super freaking excited about.

All in all, things are beyond good.
 
Djinn is back home with Mal and The Kids. This is usually the time (post visit) when she feels insecure and the drama begins. But so far so good. We had a nice long (make me late for work) chat this morning, and she seems ok.

She told me that she feels like she 'broke' me. That I was't depressed/anxious before all of this, and in some ways it is true... but I was also that close to the edge that someone could 'break' me. I prefer to think of it as a side effect of allowing people to get close to me. Something I've shied away from for most of my life.
 
While reading some of the blogs here, I have been inspired. There are a few really wonderful blogs here, written by women, some of them about my age or thereabout, who have quite daunting challenges but also wonderful partners and lovers in their lives, and good friendships. Either that or they take actions to let go of the not-so-wonderful. I realized I need to be more proactive about making certain things happen in my life. I think I've held back on a few things out of fear.

So, I'm feeling fed up with some things, yet inspired and optimistic, so I am resolving to make some changes!
 
So, a friend of mine and I are going to a roaring twenties event this coming weekend and we've been talking about what to wear for the past few weeks. You don't have to dress up to attend, but most people go all out in 1920s style. It's an afternoon thing being held outdoors, so we need daytime party outfits, and not evening wear. I sew, so am making my dress. I'm pretty sure I told her what color fabric I bought and I know I told her I wanted to wear a straw hat.

She just sent me a picture of her dress and straw hat... looks like the same color! Hmm, will we be like Lucy and Ethel, ripping the trimming and flowers off each other's dresses so we don't look so alike??? "If you're ever up a tree, call on me..."

But seriously, I don't know why she is wearing the same color as I - it's actually not a very common color for this kind of thing and I wanted to stand out in the crowd. I'd never expect to feel irritated by such a silly thing, but I am.

Bumming...
 
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I'm doing wonderful, however slightly overwhelmed.

Zed and I just signed a lease on a new house. We had to get out of our current house because of neighborhood safety issues. We've had a handful of things happen and then about 3 weeks ago a neighbor pulled a gun on Dean and I over parking issues.

The new house kind of fell into our laps. It's bigger, nicer neighborhood, and also across the street from Dean and Pixie. This will allow us to combine our studios for music/video/photography and make our creative flows much smoother. I feel really confident with this blossoming direction.

Cuba is coming in a few weeks for a show and to see our new house and hang out with everyone. So excited about that I may explode before he gets here. Lol! He's very very happy for us and watching our poly community advance and grow.

I have more I want to talk about but I'm gonna have to post on my blog because it's a lot to process and I don't want to hijack this too much. I just had to get these new developments out before I explode with happiness. XD
 
Spent my first overnight with my new guy, Hal. I now have my own toothbrush and moisturizer at his house, plus a bottle of tequila, and a stash of lube and condoms I like. It feels sort of serious. His apartment and bed is soooo comfy.

He's not the pretty badboy type I usually go for. He's a tech-geek, a little pudgy, hairy. But he's so nice to me, and he smells good and has the softest hands and lips.

It's raining today, I'm off work, and I feel utterly peaceful right now.
 
I just wanted to say that Hubby is the most wonderful husband I could ever have. He can't make it up to visit me and watch Dylan Moran in Wellington, so he's offered to buy my ticket and pay for petrol for me to go to a different town so I can see the show with D.

I'm not good at accepting gifts of this financial magnitude, so this is challenging for me. But I'm super happy that he offered, that in itself means that world to me.
 
I just wanted to say that Hubby is the most wonderful husband I could ever have. He can't make it up to visit me and watch Dylan Moran in Wellington, so he's offered to buy my ticket and pay for petrol for me to go to a different town so I can see the show with D.

I'm not good at accepting gifts of this financial magnitude, so this is challenging for me. But I'm super happy that he offered, that in itself means that world to me.

Zed and I met Dylan Moran on our honeymoon a couple of years ago! He's such a nice fellow!
 
Zed and I met Dylan Moran on our honeymoon a couple of years ago! He's such a nice fellow!


That's so cool!!! So he's not a huge toff like the stage persona, whew.

The party could possibly get bigger as I'll be going with D, but I found out tonight that R is going too! He hasn't said who he's going with, but I'll extract that info later (he's the type of guy where extraction is exactly the right word for trying to get info out of him). D and R don't know each other besides meeting at mine and Hubby's wedding. They are chalk and cheese. Hubby made a joke about double trouble. My first thought was oh hell no. I don't think chalk or cheese would deal with that lololol.
 
Never heard of Dylan Moran - is he a singer?

He's a comedian, an Irish one. Youtube has a lot of clips and even full length stuff. :)
 
Haha! I just had to say, Dylan Moran used to live around the corner from me so I would always bump into him and his family in my local supermarket. He's also a frequent visitor to the theatre I work in part time. He is a proper grumpy Irishman (i.e. frequently hungover and acting just like his character in Black Books) but always makes a point of saying hello. I hope you enjoy his gig!
 
Hahaha, small world, huh.

And thank you, the 9 day countdown is on!!!!
 
All is right in my world. I am happy. ...and off to bed.
 
Haha! I just had to say, Dylan Moran used to live around the corner from me so I would always bump into him and his family in my local supermarket. He's also a frequent visitor to the theatre I work in part time. He is a proper grumpy Irishman (i.e. frequently hungover and acting just like his character in Black Books) but always makes a point of saying hello. I hope you enjoy his gig!

He certainly seemed that way when we met him. He let us get a picture and he told us that never happens, so Zed is pretty proud about that. :)
 
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